No faith in my body's ability to birth - any advice?

[fathergoose]

Pregnancy was #1 was very low risk, straightforward etc. However my waters broke (at 40wks) and nothing happened: no contractions, nothing. They gave me 12 hours to see if anything would start, then got me in on a drip. Took the full force of the drip to make me dilate (they turned it all the way up - the pain was indescribable). 42hrs and many scary experiences later (heartrate didn't recover twice after contractions etc), DD was born. Horrific experience.

Am now 39wks with #2 and am starting to panic that my body is in someway unable to birth my babies. I have had no real signs that labour is near (a few days ago I had some cramping, but it's totally gone away now): feels like I'm likely to be pregnant for a long time still.

I live in fear of my waters breaking, since I'll be induced straight away this time (am in a different country where the rules of how long you get post membrane rupture are stricter) and I really do not want to relive that past experience.

I just can't imagine contractions beginning slowly and then ramping up like in the 'textbook' scenario: I feel that my previous 'failure' is indicative of how my body can make babies but not get them out.

Is this realistic? Is a failure to labour once a sign that it's likely to happen again? Is there anything I can do? I'm very fit and healthy, still very active (just done an hour-long workout!), put on towards the lower end of recommend weight gain (from an already healthy start), baby is in a perfect position, have no health concerns at all etc etc. I just have this niggling feeling that my body is in someway unable to get a baby out!

First births are often difficult and full of interventions. I was induced at 42 weeks with ds1 - after 2 days of early labour and 2 cm dilated. I was contracting but didn't feel it pre induction - as soon as they put me on the drip I started to feel pain. Ds1 was born 8 hrs after being put on the drip. By contrast ds2 was born at 38 weeks - again didn't notice contractions till waters went, then they kicked in in earnest and was in my arms 2 hours later. My body knew what to do. I read lots - childbirth without fear, hypnobirthing bk, INA may gaskin - before the birth to help allay my fears. Good luck - I am sure you will find this birth much smoother.

Oh my darling, I can totally sympathise - I wonder if we had our first babies in the same country? My experience was almost identical - apart from mine ending with a section. I think I made so much noise that they eventually (reluctantly) agreed to it. She was born with the cord wrapped 3 times round her neck and I dread to think what would have happened if I hadn't 'failed' to progress and she'd been yanked out with forceps (thankfully banned onthat country). Do you live near a bigger City where they have slightly more 'modern' approaches?

I honestly don't know what to advise. Dc 1 was back to back and not budging and I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital for a walk to get things moving because of 'infection risk'.

I eventually opted for an elcs as was traumatised by the first experience. This was a v. positive experience for me. It makes it easier to tell myself that I can grow'em beautifully but can't birth'em. Am v. short and petite and the babies were 3.6 and 4 kilos respectively. I know my own birth ended in high forceps and mum nearly died so perhaps it's hereditary?

Birth is only a very small part of a baby's life- in both cases they were born with an apgar of 10 and I managed to bf successfully which helped me to feel more positive about it.

Could you refuse the syntocin drip? It was this poison stuff that gave me the fear. I also found that second time around (had planned a vbac) was far more adament in what I would and wouldn't put up with.

"I feel that my previous 'failure' is indicative of how my body can make babies but not get them out"

If you were left alone the overwhelming likelihood is that you'd go into spontaneous labour and deliver a healthy baby, without any help, any drugs or any instruments. In the UK 95% of healthy mums giving birth to their second baby outside of a hospital environment (ie in a birth centre) give birth without needing any interventions at all - syntocinon, episiotomy, c/s, forceps, ventouse.

So if this is your second baby, you are healthy, and you had a vaginal birth first time around then statistically you have an incredibly high chance of an uncomplicated birth this time around.

As far as waters breaking before labour goes - get tested for Strep B if you haven't been already, and really go for the healthiest diet possible for the next few weeks. Eat oily fish (within reason - watch out for fish with high mercury content), take a pregnancy supplement with prebiotics, eat tonnes of fruit and veg, protein with every meal. Good diet, no infections and pregnancy yoga are all thought to reduce likelihood of preterm birth.

Ina May Gaskin's book and natal hynotherapy/ hynobirthing (either a course or CD/books) are all about helping you believe in your ability to give birth. I haven't had my baby yet, but reading Gaskin's book and doing a hypno course have helped give me confidence in my body's abilities to birth a baby. But, I guess the proof will be in the pudding in a few months time...

Its not surprising that an experience like that can strip your confidence away. However, last time, in adverse circumstances, you did get the baby out the way it went in. Well done you. Advice such as learning a relaxation technique and reading the sainted Ina may are sound. My two pennarth

Right; 2 positives
: that baby came out of your vagina last time. It should do so more easily this time.
: your body learns how to labour and gets better at it. Even though you were stimulated with artificial hormones last time, you got to 10cm and then got that baby out. The muscles of the womb remember reacting to oxytocin and respond much more easily the second time. That is why 2nd labours are almost always faster and more efficient.

2 strategies
: if your membranes go again this time, you would not be putting yourself at risk following a uk style expectant management ie observe colour of the liquor (clear or pink is ok) wear a sanitary towel and change it every 2-3hrs. Check your temperature every 4hrs (37c or under is normal) and mentally note that the baby is moving normally.The majority of women will go into spontaneous labour within 24hrs.
: try and release some natural oxytocin after 12 hours if nothing is happening ie nipple stimulation, orgasm.

"last time, in adverse circumstances, you did get the baby out the way it went in"

Glad to amuse you, Shag.

I'd just been reading the 'A workman pooed in my toilet' thread on AIBU and was feeling sniggery to start with, so it didn't take much to set me off again.

Kitchzinger's book 'Birth Your Way' was a bit of a revelation to me after a shitty first birth. It gave me the confidence to take back some control and make my own informed choices about my antenatal care and next birth(s).

Thank you all :) These responses have got me close to tears... I'll definitely look into those books, and all the support has really helped. Thanks also for the info on holding off induction after waters breaking (and indeed trying to stop that happening in the first place) - that has made me relax a bit should it happen.

I've hired a doula to try to help this time around, so I'm now going to chat with her about resisting intervention/induction for as long as possible if this situation would arise: I'm very independent and assertive normally, but tend to revert to 'Yes Doctor, No Doctor' when faced with a white coat, so having another voice to raise will be good.

Thank you x

One of the things I did was have a doula The other was have a home birth.

If it helps my first birth was v similar to yours, waters broke, no contractions, induced, long labour etc. My second birth was almost text book < 4 hours natural (and far less painful than induction) so it does happen - good luck op.