Do you feel like you're being a handed 'a' baby or do you know it's yours??

[Bloo]

It's always been one of my concerns, that I will feel like I'm being handed 'a' baby rather than really feel that it's mine.........what have your experiences been?

I had a cs after failure to progress with induction. They brought DD over briefly to me before going to do the checks, and in that second I knew she was my baby. It was really overwhelming too - I cried and felt such a powerful emotion. When they brought her back 5 minutes later I could stop looking at her and touching her.

Afterwards in the ward I did feel a bit odd though and I didn't truely feel she was mine to look after myself until I left hospital. Until then I felt tike I needed to ask permisson to do things for her IYSWIM.

I felt very much like it was "a" baby, like maybe I had found him outside the front door and thought "my god, better look after this child".

It definitely took time to develop a feeling that this was my child, to whom I was 100% committed, although I'm pretty sure that if someone had tried to take him away from me, even in the very early days, instinct would have kicked in and I would have gone mad about it.

In some ways it would have been nice to have that overwhelming sense that others have so clearly expressed in this thread, but it doesn't change anything about how I feel about him now. He is so completely my special, marvellous boy and I feel enormously privileged to be his mum.

One of my first thoughts with ds was that he looked like his scan picture (not a 3D one). Suppose it was obvious, but I was amazed my the similarity.

Didn't really feel like he was mine until I saw him naked the next day (c/s birth so he was taken away in an incubator whilst I was in recovery).

I knew ds was mine but was utterley freaked out by it all. Had a planned cs due to him being breech, all went well. Unfortunately I had horrid AND so may explain the feelings?
I knew no-one could take him off me but was scared by not feeling any love for him, or a bond.
Love started around day 4 when b/fing took off. The bond thing and realising I absolutely loved him to bits happened around 6 weeks - I thought I heard someone upstairs in the evening (when ds was asleep), I ran up them 2 at a time fully intending to kill whoever stood in the way of me and my baby!!

I felt like I knew her even though I had spent hours trying to guess what she looked like. When I held her I knew her in a weird way.

I love the way newborns look at you, their eyes are so deep, they look like they have just been on the other side and know the secret of life, like little wise old men and over the days it changes to a more gormless sweet "doh" look especially when they have just been fed and eyes are rolling with satisfaction! :)

I don't think I ever really felt it in those terms at all. It was just all hormonal shock for a few days.

i felt like i was finally "meeting" my baby, i loved them all on sight.

With DD1 it was several hours after she was born as I had trouble getting the placenta out/being stitched up so DP had her most of the time. In the morning DP went home to get some kip and it was just me and her I must have stared at her in her goldfish bowl for 2 hours.

DD2 was a homebirth and I was very selfish with her from the minute she came out I was like give her to me and she latched on immediately before the cord was even cut.

Other babies are like aww cute mine are just the most adorable in the entire world!!!

Definitely 'a' baby. Straightforward fast drug-free birth (tried quite hard not to be drug-free but stuff happens). Just felt very like the pregnancy - as if my body was getting on with a process that had absolutely 0 to do with me. So when ds came out it took a few days to feel that we were travelling in the same direction. Not a problem though. TBH my main feeling in the days after was the joy of not being pregnant any more.

I had a straight forward delivery and remember looking down at DS thinking 'its a baby' took me a long time to connect and feel anything other than over whelming exhaustion (not the disturbed sleep either just the relentless routine) but now DS is 2.10yrs and we are a family and I love him to bits - he's not mine but Dh and I are his - love it when he calls me My mummy it's very possesive and we get to share his life and help bring him up.

first saw ds lying on my tummy still attached to cord.Midwives faded into background so we could "discover" the baby before they cut the cord and even left us to work out his sex (harder than you think when cord doesn't stretch far and you can't sit up!) It was a magical moment and I'll never forget it. DD was totally different - they held her up for met to catch passing glimpse, cut cord, did all the weighing etc, plomked her in blanket and crib which for logistical reasons (small room and chairs in the way!) was at foot of the bed and not the side. I was so knackered and upset (very traumatic birth and horrible midwife!) that I didn't have the strength to insist they give her to me (still don't know why!). Didn't get to hold her or look at her properly until a few hours later. Found out later they'd had a few concerns about her grunting and wheezing but noone had told me this. It didn't stop us bonding (people say she's still attached by an invisble umbilical cord!!) and I am as close to her as ds, it has made no difference at all. However it has clouded my memories of her birth and turned it into a worse experience. At the end of the day though it's the weeks months and years after the birth that make the difference, not the first few minutes, as you have no control over what the midwives etc do.

After a 55 hour labour that ended with a C/S with DS I was definitely 'handed' a baby. The doctor lifted him above the screen and I distinctly remember thinking, "Oh, it's a baby" ... I have to say that it took a very long time for me to feel he was mine ... That was part of my PND ... I felt that I was useless and that anyone could look after him better than me

DD, on the other hand, was also born by CS ... not a mammoth labour this time and not a scary middle of the night emergency ... a short, unsuccessful labour and a calm, lovely atmosphere in the operating theatre - people chatting and laughing etc. This time, there was no screen and it made a huge difference. I couldn't see anything gory because I couldn't sit up and look inside my tummy ... but I actually saw DD be lifted out of my body and it was magic magic magic. I will never ever forget the feeling. Yes, it was a baby - but she was all mine - I SAW her come out!

If and it is a big if I have another baby I will have to have another c/s and I will demand for there not to be a screen up ... I felt that that was the big difference for me ...

no instant bonding and misty eyes - I just thought how on earth did dp and I produce such a bruiser? Ds's poor head was a bit red and swollen and I was v out of it after a long labour and em cs. It all looked a bit more normal in recovery.

So he definitely felt like another person, not part of me iyswim. Which he is of course. But he didn't feel like a changling or anything.

ghosty, did you ask for no screen with your dd or was that just policy?

felt like my dd was a part of me.

had a difficult birth as her heart rate had dropped alot and had to get her out quick (turned out cord was around her shoulder), delivered on my knees leaning on the back of the bed. felt that sensation of relief when the final push got her out and the mw laid her on the bed and pulled me back onto my heels to look at her while she was still attached, she was so tiny and blue and not breathing but i just picked her up and held her, some part of me thought if i held her it would all be ok. the mw's had to take her to resusitate her and i didn't take my eyes off her, she was only 3 feet away but it physically hurt me to be that far away from her.

i got antoher cuddle soon after but noticed she was still having trouble breathing well so the mw put her in an incubator next to me while they stitched me and waited for a peadriatrician to check her over, the incubator had holes for hands and dp and i just spent the whole time touching her face and tiny hands.

she didn't manage to feed til a few hours later on the ward but when she finally figured it out i felt like the process was somehow complete, like we were whole again.

sorry, mad hippy monologue over now

Gosh this is all so interesting!! Thank you so much for all your replies - I have to say it really puts my mind at rest. Lovecloud - I can really relate to what you said!!! They do have an air of being all knowing and a part of something that you will never know about!!!

Re lovecloud's lovely comments,my sister reminded me that Wordsworth wrote that new babies come into this world 'trailing clouds of glory'.
When I had recovered from the shock a few days later,and she really did feel like mine,I used to listen to an old Elton John song called 'Old Man's Shoes,think of that quote,look at her and weep and weep and weep.

(Am welling up now just thinking of it...)

Interesting because although when asked about the bonding side of things before, I would have always said I didnt immediately, however, I would have pounced like a lioness if necessary, so maybe yes, something was there right from the very start.

I was on all fours when giving birth, so watched her drop out iykwim, no chance of thinking she wasn't mine! .

mine,all mine.

had surreal experience of being drugged up to eyeballs and following long,long labour deleriously tired, watching ds being resusitated and muttering "please make my baby breath".

which they did and when the little pink man was handed back to me, i fell in love in a way i had not ever expected.

i then wanted someone to let me sleep for two days, but also wanted to spend every minute of my son's life staring at him.

CarolinaMoonFish ... sorry I haven't replied to your question ... only just re-found this thread
I guess it was policy - I definitely didn't ask for there not to be a screen and I do remember noticing that they weren't putting one up ...
What I remember so well was being able to watch the doctor and nurses working ... like I said, I couldn't see anything because I couldn't move and I had an excellent anaesthetist sitting by my head who kept talking to me so I couldn't really watch what the others were doing for too long as I would have to look up to him to answer him ...
I love reminiscing about DD's birth ... it was the most wonderful experience of my life ... I sometimes find the thread that announced her birth to re read what I wrote about it - I go all misty eyed when I do that ...
When I am having a particularly crap 'terrible twos' day with her is usually when I sneak on to MN and find that thread
Soppy old moo

awwwwww ghosty

Not just mine, but part of me from the moment he was born. His was a very 'stubborn' ventouse birth, but as soon as he was out the whole feeling for me changed, and I was shielding his eyes, and telling everyone to 'shhhh' to make it peaceful for him, and letting him wriggle up my stomach to feed, and I talked to him from the moment he was born. Never felt 'detatched' from him at all.

I "recognised" my 2 instantly and felt strong rush of love both times...

The second they were born it was as though they had always been there.