Do you feel like you're being a handed 'a' baby or do you know it's yours??

[Bloo]

It's always been one of my concerns, that I will feel like I'm being handed 'a' baby rather than really feel that it's mine.........what have your experiences been?

i didn't feelthey were 'mine' atall.
maybe due to
lots of drugs?

I don't know how to sum it up - it was certainly a weird feeling, but I don't think I ever thought they weren't mine.

It was a bit spoilt for me when DS1 was born because he was only handed to me for a few seconds and then had to be whisked away for some major major resuscitation but he made it in the end .

Mine all felt 100% my own. I didn't immediately bond with all of them, but they were definately mine.

I supose I didn't "bond" until the few days following the birth.I had twins,DT1 just slept and ate,so sort of didn't get to know him at first.
DT2 spent ages studying me,and me him,as he was awake more.We bonded quicker.

I can't actually remember the first time I held dd so can't answer from that point of view. I felt for a while, though, that she was "a" baby rather than "my" baby; obviously I knew she was mine, but didn't feel a huge connection with her. I would have walked over hot coals to protect her, but I didn't feel that surge of love that some women say they feel, and I'd go so far as to say that I didn't love her at the start. It did come, though, and I adore her now - and she me. It hasn't harmed our relationship in the slightest.

Yeah, I was kind of '........oh my god, it's a baby and it's mine' rather than 'it's my baby' IYSWIM.
DS I had under full epidural so felt absolutely nothing of him coming out. DD i had naturally and felt EVERYTHING but still felt exactly the same.

I think the over riding feeling is 'oh my god it's out!' rather than a huge 'it's my baby'. It took me about 2 weeks with DS to realise that he was definitely mine for keeps and I didn't have to give him back to anyone.

It's a strange old time, labour and immediately after giving birth so you could feel the most random emotions - be prepared that how you think you'll feel will most likely not be what you actually feel.

I kept waiting for someone to come and take them off me again for the first couple of weeks. I was wondering when they'd realise that they'd left me with a totally dependant being to look after.

took several months for me to bond properly with ds - he was an emergency cs and I was under a ga so didn't really feel I was there at his birth. Plus when I woke up he was (briefly) in special care.
Had dreams for weeks in which my mum gave birth to him and handed him to me to look after.

I knew dd was mine only because I saw her come out

But she was wheeled down the hospital corridor for weighing in the afternoon and I fell asleep. When I woke up (only about 1/2 an hour later) she hadn't been wheeled back to me. When I went to find her cot, in my post-birth fuzz I was so sure I had the wrong baby back, I had to look on the digital camera at the earlier photos to make sure. There was no instant recognition at all.

Even now, I wonder occasionally - what if...

felt completley different when I had dd btw. She was all mine from her first breath.

First time round I felt this slimy thing being plonked on me - I was knocked flat with major anaesthesia - and felt very weird about it.

Second time round I did feel she was mine but that was mainly because I'd seen the whole thing happen. Still felt wierd about it but that was because of the very lovely drugs.

Hmm, well I'll watch this one with interest! Both mine were born by cs, and I've always assumed that that was why I had trouble.

With dd I wasn't in labour at all. Dh held her next to my head all the while I was being stitched up and I bf'd her in the recovery room. But I couldn't ever connect the baby that I'd chatted to for 9 months with the one they handed to me. My head knows she is mine and I had no trouble bonding - but I've lost that baby that I was pg with.

With ds I spent 14 hours bleeding and attached to drips and watching the monitor readout of what he was up to. And 45 minutes in labour. When he was born (by cs) they took him straight to NICU and I only saw him for a second on the way past. I visited him 6 hours later. But I feel more like he was the same baby that I was pg with.

So perhaps it has something to do with the amount of effort & trauma that it took to get them out!

I remember exactly the moment when I "knew" ds was mine. It was 3 days after he was born, middle of the night, and the first time I changed him myself. He looked a up at me all purple faced and I didn't ring the bell for someone to come and help. I just looked at him and thought "you're mine". The feed following that was just so fantastically intimate and wonderful, I wept buckets (hormones, I know) and the next day demanded to go home. With my boy.

Don't really remember with DS1 as I didn't hold him for several hours. I don't think I ever saw him as not being mine though. DS2 was mine from when we were left alone together and DD from the moment she came out and I held her in the pool still attached.

when ds first arrived and was placed in my arms I just wanted to comfort him, it had been such a long ordeal for both of us. I remember getting a deep loving connection in the middle of the first night in the dark on the hospital ward, they had let us co-sleep and he was draped over my chest completely zonked and I just felt we were a team and I adored him.

We had given the bump a name so there had been three of us for a while, for the last few pushes my dp was egging me on saying 'come on lets meet ***' - it really helped as it wasn't about just pushing anymore it was about meeting our babe.
I went in with no expectations though- and I think that really helped.

at a slight tangent my grandma spent my whole life telling me that they had mixed me up with another baby and my mum had been given the wrong one! when she first went in to see my mum she cooed over a little pale wispy thing and was horrified when she saw the little black haired one and told mum they must have mixed us up!

Didn't feel that ds1 was mine, but totally did with ds2. They were both c section, but I was able to hold ds2 straight away, whereas ds1 was whisked off to remove meconium from his throat, so I wonder if that made the difference. also it might be because I was unable to breastfeed ds1, but have done it easily with ds2. But I do wonder if I'd feel more maternal if I'dhad vaginal deliveries instead of sections?

I had been wondering what ds would look like for months and my reaction to meeting him was "so this is what you look like!'. I was amazed that he was finally here. I knew he was mine from the grins on the faces of me and dh!!

With ds1 I knew he was mine when the midwife had to whack him down to resuscitate him as he'd had the cord wrapped aroung his neck. I knew she was helping him but my instinct was that she was hurting him and I just wanted to grab her and shout "stop hurting my baby!!!"

With ds2 it was a much more gradual process. Shortly after the birth I remember looking at dp holding him and thinking "thats our baby" but I needed to keep repeating it to myself because it didn't seem real.

With dd I just knew, the midwife lay her on me straight after she'd been born. Dp, I and dd all lay on the bed together for about half an hour. We had been expecting a mini clone of DS2 for some reason and she didn't look like him at all, so we examined her in surprise and delight. I remember really vividly telling dp that she had the most perfect ears I'd ever seen

Both my boys were mine from the moment I saw them. The overwhelming feeling of love I had when I first saw them - breathtaking.

Can still picture DS1's face looking up at me as I held him in the pool - his wide eyes watching me intently.

DS2 latched on almost immediately and fed for 20 minutes after he was born - soft skin and hot little breath on me - ohh, melty!

I totally expected not to feel an instant connection with them - I know several women who say they didn't "get" that with their babies and I'm not a particularly maternal person - so the strength of feeling I had for them was doubly amazing for me.

With dd1 I had a "good delivery" Couldn't really have asked for more - she was mine from the second I saw her...no, from the second I heard her cry, which was actually before her body was born!

DD2 was born by c section with a ga. My first memory of her is seeing her with my best friend, but I knew she was agirl (didn't know when pg) and had been told when not quite awake.Never doubted that she was "mine" despite not really being there at the birth.

DS was a vbac and very different, but once I'd got used to how different he looks to the girls, I felt the same bond.

I felt like Wigwambam, I would have walked over hot coals to protect ds from the first moment, but it took several days to really bond with him. When I first saw him I felt no emotion for the first few minutes (I was drugged up to the eyeballs, and exhausted after a 23 hour labour ending in c-section) and what made me realise that it was actually a very momentous occasion was seeing my dh, who was holding ds, crying buckets as he gazed into his little face. Then I started crying too, but it still took a few days to feel like I "knew" him.

I had a crash CS under GA so was very poorly when I woke from the anasthetic and couldn't hold DS as was shaking violently - all they could do was show him to me (by this stage already wrapped up in loads of clothes and a blanket). I saw his profile and that's about it, thought he had a neat little nose and that's my only thought. He was then wheeled down to the recovery room and the ward with me but to be honest I paid no attention to him at all. I wanted a look at him when my DH had a look...but felt nothing, except utter relief that my ordeal was over and I had infact woken up and survived!

That night the nurses took him with them, and I woke in the early hours, really tearful and wanting him next to me! I guess that was the start of 'feelings' about him...the next few days as I recovered, I kept on looking and looking at him but was in so much pain from op. that holding him hurt...

I would say that within a week a feeling flashed through me of loving him. And from that day on, it just grew and grew very quickly indeed and our bond simply could not BE stronger, or our relationship closer, it's primevally strong!

So i guess the point of all my waffle is that even a very bad start does not necessarily affect bonding; nor does having those feelings of 'it's a baby' rather than my baby! I think it depends where you mindset is too, as I have never felt that DS is 'mine' - he is so completely his own person and has always felt to me more like that he is HIS and I get the privelege of looking after him while he grows.

I knew they were both mine as I looked down and watched them arrive...

I bonded with both of them instantly, after ds1 was born we cuddled up and looked at each other, ds2 was whisked of for some oxygen and I had to be held back from leaping off the bed to go and get him back.

I was worried about this too, but I didn't have a problem knowing they were mine.

I had a straight forward homebirth but felt like i was play acting when she was born, so I don't know if the birth was a factor for me. I was conscious that I was just going through the motions for a while, but also I knew that it was not unusual to feel like that so I wasn't worried by it.

It's good to be aware that it may not be instant adoration for you but you can still be a good, protective mother until the love grows - as it will.