to be cut or to push? help me!!

[Jenny123G]

Hi all
I've been advised to come here and seek advice or opinions by my midwife who has been fantastic but has said to me honestly that if she were in my position she wouldn't know what to do.
I'm due Feb next year and this will be my 3rd son.
Ryan is 3 was 11 days over due I was induced and weighed 8lb.13
Adam is 1. was two days over due and weighed 7lb 11.
With Ryan I had a 3rd degree tear. Pretty nasty rushed into theater to be sewn back together. Took about 6 months to fully recover and was lucky as I didn't loose and control of my bladder or bowels.
With Adam I had a 2nd degree tear less traumatic but again took 6. Months for me to fully recover. And once again I regained full control.
I did all my perennial massage. Before Adam to avoid a tear but guess it was one of those things.
Here's where I need your help or opinion
I've been offered a choice of c section or natural birth. I am strongly for natural birth but what's concerning me is why I'm being given the choice? As I wasn't offered one with my second. My consultant and midwife both say its because I tore both times and its more for my mental state than safety. There's every chance I may tear again but like most things there are no guarantees. In just thinking would I be lucky enough to recover fully a third time? And with a section it does frighten me. The thought of the recovery process and although I will have a lot of help I'm going to find it near impossible to take it easy after with my two little ones.
If anyone has had a similar experience or just has an opinion for me I would be very grateful to hear it xx

Well haven't been in your exact situation but I had an awful 3rd degree tear with DS. I did lose some control of both my bladder (for about a year) and my bowels (fir about 6 months). I would say it took the full yr to feel normal again. But no problems after that.

When I had DD I was offered an ELCS by 2 Drs and discouraged from an ELCS by 2 consultants. I opted for the section. It was fine but definitely had an impact on what/how much I could do with DS afterwards. I also had some bladder issues that were nothing to do with birthing but with the weight/pressure of pregnancy - so I don't think an ELCS eradicates the risk of issues but obviously it does hugely minimise the risk of physical damage to them.

Now pg with.DC3 and opting for a vbac. I have spoken to lots of health professionals about it and they feel I wasn't given great advice last time and that even with risk of tearing again they still recommend a vaginal birth if possible.

I know no-one knows what would happen if you a) had a natural delivery and B) had another tear but you've managed to birth 2 babies with less damage each time so maybe this one will slip right out! You've also managed to regain full control and my obstetrician said that this is the biggest indicator they use when advising women about birth choices.

Sorry for the overly long post, not sure it was at all helpful. Good luck with your decision. My personal opinion is go for a vaginal delivery but I think that that's because that's what I wish I'd done last time.

No honestly thank you for your thoughts and sharing your experience. Your second to last paragraph sums up how I feel I should go right now.
To be honest I wish they'd never given me the option then id carry on with a planned vb and not feel worried or confused.

Have you considered a water birth? It can really help relax the perineum and help you to stretch gently .. it's also hands off, so no-one can faff with you and try to hurry things. You might well tear again along the old tear. There is no guarantee you won't , but you might not. If you have a section, firstly, some labour is better for the baby, in terms of getting them ready for the transition to the outside world, and secondly, you will definitely be cut and have a scar across your belly. It is not risk free either. What position did you push in with your boys?

To be completely honest with you I'm rubbish with pain threshold. My first was 7 hours labour and I only had pethadine and gas and air. I remained on my back crippled with back pain and pushed. For nearly 3 hours.
My second I was in labour for 5 hours I was a lot more active I had a bath in hospital but only lasted 30 mins as I'm not a fan of water. I did have an epidural I know its cheating but it was fantastic. Really don't calm and it only took 4 pushes and therefore felt nothing when I tore. If I do have vb I will opt for an epidural again.
I'm not bothered about being cut and having a scar its more the recovery after that really puts me off.

An epidural is not cheating!

I think if you try a vaginal birth with an epidural the mw can guide you through when to push so they should be able to help you avoid getting another tear? I'm no mw or healthcare professional but I thought this could be done.

I hope whatever you choose goes well

the being on your back might not have helped things, especially if your pain was in your back a lot.. being more mobile and active can certainly help and make things quicker, also positions that open up the pelvis more will make it easier to push your baby out, with an epidural, oyu will be very limited in movement, also, you might be more likely to need an assisted delivery if the pelvic floor is too relaxed .always best to weigh up all the pros and cons

i have had a c,s and a v.b, i'd rather have a VB again, but tha'ts my preferecen.

recviery from a c.s can be difficult, depending on how you heal and how quickly you can get mobile again, and how much support and help you will have at home