Childbirth..... not sure I want to now!

[mommyPlant]

I will be 37 weeks tomorrow and have suddenly develeoped a fear of actually having this baby...

I have alot of anxiety around going to and being in hospitals anyway and then started reading other womens experiences of labour (mainly on here) and don't think I can do it... I am considered (because of a number of health conditions) to be high risk so my only option was to have a hospital birth.
Some of the things I have read have honsestly scared the out of me...

women not being able to control their bladders/ bowels, and their husbands/ partners having to clean them up... I can honestly say this would be probebly the worst thing (obviously other than my baby not being healthy) that could happen!!!!!

women not being listened to when they say they are in labour, and then having their babies on their own in a room

the pain being too much (although I will be given an epidural asap when I get to hospital as I cant have gas and air and they have advised against other pain med's)

I really don't know what to do... I am thinking about asking the midwife about having a c/s after reading that the risks involved are not that much higher these days than for a natural birth...

I am petrified of making a fool of myself while im in labour... which even as im typing it I realise sounds absurd!!!

(sorry for the long post and thankyou for reading)

I couldn't read and leave without posting, I just wanted to offer you a big hug (((((HUG))))) I remember the feelings of anxiety. I dealt with it my talking through my fears with anyone who'd listen and spent many hours crying in the bath to let it all out.

Have you done any antenatal classes? Have you had your hospital visit?

I was terrified of a hospital birth, I'd planned a home birth but ended up with a hospital birth. The hospital staff were great and the things I'd feared the most weren't an issue at all.

Wishing you the best of luck XXX

You are completely normal to have fears about something unknown, it's only natural. If it worries you to hear about it, please don't look anymore! You will have your own experience that is completely different to everyone else. For what it's worth, a CS lands you in hospital too and often for longer. So if your fear is around the hospital it won't help. Epidurals really do numb the lot so dont panic about the pain, think of the reason its there and grit your teeth until the anaesthetist arrives! Regarding the loss of control, believe me when I say that you really honestly won't care. Bigger things are going on, midwives are extremely professional and will have seen everything. If you are concerned about your OH seeing stuff, can you have anyone else present that you feel more comfy with? Try to focus on the other side: your beautiful newborn. Labour and childbirth is a couple of days at most, but it is hard to see beyond it sometimes. Obviously there are no promises with babies but the more relaxed you are, the easier it will seem. Sending you lots of good luck and calming vibes x

Truly - it isn't that bad.

Granted Ds is now almost 15, but I had limited knowledge of what it would be like- the actual labour and birth. There wasn't as much internetting etc back then, so had to rely on magazines and heresay..

The thing is - that you always hear the bad stories. The nice, easy births don't make for interesting reading, so youtend not to hear all of those.

I didn't poo myself.
OH stayed at the top end - apart frm a look when the head was crowning.

If it was that bad why do women have multiple children? :) think of it that way.

just read your message and I was exactly the same....why wouldn't we be...

I had a hard labour...that's why it's called labour...but it was also the best day of my life...

now I know what it's all about I would love to do it all again ( I can't) and I am envious of you..think most of it is the fear of the unknown, and it's never as bad as what people make it out to be

it's hard....but a special time, and have that epidural if you want...no medals for bravery

xxx

Thankyou so much for your replys, I think it has just come to a head now, I chose not to go to the hospital show around and the antenatal classes as I think I was in denial... silly considering my bump has been growing since I was 8 weeks lol

My DH has been and is amazing, he has promised to stay at the top end and said that he doesnt care what happens (ie if I have a accident while pushing), he said he will pretend it didnt happen and never talk about it, I guess at the time I probebly wont even notice I will be more interested in my baby being born safely and then giving him cuddles :)

and i guess thats right that I would end up in hospital for longer with a c/s, thankfully my hospital has mainly single rooms and partners are allowed to stay.

thankyou all for your kind words I feel some what relieved :)

I agree with the others, please don't panic! And DON'T read negative birth stories at this stage! I didn't have a great experience with my first, but I am just about the only one out of my group of friends who all had babies around the same time. For almost everyone, things go smoothly and it is not a drama. And I am now 38 weeks with my second, so I must have thought it was worth it

As far as pooing goes ... it may not happen, and if it happens you simply will not care. It is quite normal to do so - it has nothing to do with 'losing control of your bowels', 'having an accident' or anything like that, it's because when the baby comes through the birth canal it presses on your rectum, and if there's anything in there it will be squeezed out. It's basic biology & physics. It's also a total non-issue and the midwives are used to it in the same way they are used to things like waters breaking and delivering placentas. It goes with the territory.

Shrimp is right that people don't share the stories of nice, easy births. I had a (very unusual mind you) serious post-partum haemorrhage and everybody knows about it. All my other friends had straightforward labours & births and nobody ever talks about that: "Did you hear about Duchess? She had blah blah blah" is a juicy subject and everyone can tut and sigh, whereas, "Sharon had her baby, she said it was hard work but really rewarding, everything went to plan and it was the happiest day of her life" is - sadly - not exactly guaranteed to get a conversation going.

Now go and do some affirmations: "I birth my baby gently and easily" kind of thing, stop filling your brain with scary stories!

I have no idea if I did a poo in labour. And as I had an epidural they used a catheter to get the liquids out. Really you will never know unless you ask the midwife and she will be used to cleaning women up. Much like you are very quickly going to stop caring about dirty nappies.

Epidurals work. They may be controversial, but if you need the pain relief then they are wonderful.

Just had to post to say YOU CAN DO IT!!! I was relatively laid back about labour beforehand - had been using hypnobirthing cd but was under no illusions that I might not get the calm waterbirth I wanted. In the end I didn't - had to be induced with drip due to meconium in the waters which upset me a bit at first but you just get on with it. You have to put all dignity aside - as hard as it is and just keep telling yourself that everything that is happening is not a problem. The worst thing for me was that my waters were trickling out continuously the whole time, very uncomfortable, feeling like I was wetting myself and leaving a trail of bloody water wherever I went. But this is ok - it happens!!! I eventually had an epidural, then normal delivery after losing control with the pain for a bit when I was getting the urge to push and I was apparently only 2cm. I had tried so hard to keep calm ala hypnobirthing technique but the pain was just too intense. So I ended up with a catheter, and pushing baby out with legs in stirrups then had 2nd degree tear stitched up whilst puking in a bowl due to placenta jab. Exactly the opposite of what I'd imagined. BUT... I got through it - we all do - and I'm bloody proud of myself - as we all should be. The euphoria you feel after giving birth is second to none and having this tiny snuffly thing in your arms is incredible. Not sure I'd ever want to do it again, mind ;-)

I know how you feel! I was terrified for all 3, and I'm 40!

Was induced for 3rd baby. Laboured quickly. Epidural was amazing. Midwives were friendly and supportive. Most are. I don't think I messed myself and now it's over I don't care.

It's all worth it in the end

You can definitely do it! I have no idea what my body was doing when I was giving birth. None at all. My dh was at the head end too. My head I mean! He didn't watch the baby actually coming out.

The midwives are great and take everything in their stride. I would stop reading about other people's births as it is worrying you. I'm not saying its a barrel of laughs but it's amazing how quickly you forget it all when you get your mitts on your baby!

Don't worry, you'll be fine :). Also second what shrimp said about hearing the horror stories, you don't always hear the other ones.

One of the many nice things my MW did was to get my baby bag and we picked what her first outfit would be. She put it on the basinet just in view and said focus on that - worked for me so keep your eyes/mind on the prize would be my best advice :)

No poo or bad MW stories and was given drugs on demand. The MW gave me a foot massage at one point! (and yes this was all NHS). I didn't have a textbook labour but no need to go into that as does anyone?

I was a DP at the 'top end' kinda girl and in the main he did. It was the MW who got him doing some sneaky looks at the crowning stage. That might not be for you but just wanted to say rather than being grossed out by the experience, we're closer now for having shared it and I think there is a respect for what we mums do to get em out (whichever way).

Best of luck and enjoy your LO :)

Is it too late for you to start listening to a hypnobirthing CD? I have Martha Howell's from Amazon and it wasn't expensive at all. It is really supposed to calm you. I would order one post haste and give it a few spins. It can't hurt with your level of anxiety.

As a midwife please can I address the poo question!! It does occur sometimes, that as a babies head is pressing down and mum is pushing that a poo will happen! However, we are fully prepared for that and usually hold a pad at the bottom of the perineum to help support and protect, which covers the anus. Any poo is not visible therefore to the untrained eye, and will be whipped away on the bed pad you are sitting/lieing on with no fuss and a clean one put in place. The midwife will not bat an eyelid and any casual observers will not notice as it will be tactfully concealed and the baby's head is the main part of the show! If you are on all fours, standing etc, again it will be concealed in waterproof pads etc and got rid of..trust me, midwives like to keep their area poo free and are very used to dealing with it with utmost discretion.

I think the problem with childbirth it that yes it's the most painful thing you will ever go through but at the same time you are also so happy and excited that it's not really like anything you can imagine until you have been through it (sorry I know that makes no sense)

While I was in the middle of labour the ONLY thing on my mind was concentrating on each contraction and knowing it was bringing me closer to my baby.

As others say the thought of pooing yourself sounds horrifying but honestly at the time you will not care one bit.

I had 2 really straighforward easy births - no pooing either time. It was like shelling peas....Giving birth is a fabulous experience.

It's true that people don't talk about easy births as often as difficult ones. All pregnant women hear horror stories, and it isn't good for us!

My first labour was dead easy really, looking back. Yes, it hurt quite a lot at the time, but I coped much better than I thought I would, and only a couple of hours later I had already forgotten the pain and was just so wrapped in my beautiful baby

I am currently pregnant again (overdue at 40+2) and while I am not exactly looking forward to the actual process of giving birth, I am fully confident that I can do this, and that it will all be more than worth it once again. You can do it too!!! We are designed to do this, and we will manage okay.

You are worried about poo, yes? Well, this won't exactly set your mind at rest, but I did poo myself during labour with DS - and I didn't even notice at the time, so managed to tread it all around the room before the midwives had a chance to clear it up DH wasn't with me, and I only dared to tell him about this a couple of weeks ago. He laughed quite a lot, which was not the reaction I was expecting. My sister also did a poo when giving birth to her first baby - her husband fished it out the birthing pool without batting an eyelid; they are still happily married and have had two more children since.

Hope everything goes well x

I know EXACTLY where you're coming from with this - for me it meant that I put off even thinking about having a baby for years and years because I was convinced I couldn't possibly do it. What changed my mind was reading the good birth companion by nicole croft - she makes it seem so normal and feasible without being preachy (or scaremongering).

Hope it goes well!!

Just wanted to say thankyou again for all of your replies I am feeling calmer than I was before and had another chat with my DH about it, he was supportive as usual

I have stopped reading about other peoples birth stories and decided that we shall just have to see how mine goes.

I might give the hypnobirthing cd a go... you never know it might help even now.

Thankyou again