Speaking to midwife at 9 today re: elcs... (long)

[Wiggy29]

I had a difficult first birth. I won't go into details (unless you especially want to know) but the top and bottom is that it ended up being incredibly painful and I felt very 'out of control' throughout (i.e. being told what was happening rather than consulted).

Fast forward 7 years and we.re expecting again. I've already seen the midwife and I was booked into a local (and by all accounts excellent) MLU. I was investigating hypnobirthing/ soing pregnancy yoga etc and was assuming I was going to have a natural birth.

BUT...

The past few weeks I have been getting incredibly stressed about this prospect, to the point where it is waking me up in the early hours and I can't get back to sleep. I'm delighted to be pregnant (at one point we thought it wouldn't happen) but, without wanting to sound melodramatic, fear of the birth is really spoiling the enjoyment of the pregnancy.

I spoke to OH who was surprised but very supportive (he knows I'm normally very laid back) and we agreed to research our options outside of the MLU. I really don't like the idea of injectable pain relief as many people describe feeling 'out of it'/ struggling to remember birth which is NOT what I want. We also looked into epidural and at first it seemed like the logical solution, but I'm terrified that I could be told (when in labour) that 'it's too late'/ 'there's nobody free to administer it' etc which doesn't seem to be that rare.

I rang my midwife the other day but she was away so I left a couple of messages, pointing out that it wasn't urgent. Another midwife rang me back as she said that even though I said it 'wasn't urgent' she could sense panic in my voice. I began explaining to her briefly but immediately my voice began to break and lots of emotions were bubbling under the surface. She was lovely and said that it was silly to wait until my next mw appointment and worry until them so she would get my midwife to speak to me today and look at speaking to a consultant at hospital at my 20w scan (this Wed) to go over my notes from previous birth etc.

I know there are lots of threads like here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/1575045-Can-you-request-a-c-section

But I just wanted to ask anybody's experience of this. If I go in there uncertain, are they likely to try and 'talk me out of it' or generally did you find they were concerned about finding what was best for you (I live in Newcastle area)? IS there anything I should read first (lots of mention of NICE(?) guidelines), or should I wait and see how they seem on my first appointment? I'm concerned that if I go in unsure (which I am), I'll just be pushed into VB and then still spend rest of pregnancy stressed about it.

Thank you if you read this far, I'm aware it's a VERY long post!

as far as i can see - once you get them to agree to an elc you can always change your mind.

my consultant said - she would back me up whatever i decided to do - and i also had a " chat" with a consultant MW about other options...

once the consultant said i could have an ELC - the pressure was off - and i was able to relax and look into other options....

so - if i were you i would go in with firm idea of elc if thats what you want - and then privatly think about it more - as you can always go for natural if you want - i am sure they would be more than happy with that BUT much more difficult to try and get an ELC from the other way round!

no woman i dont think should be getting this stressed about labour after first traumatic time.

How did it go today wiggy? Hope your chat with mw was ok?

Thank you for feedback!

It went really, REALLY well- in fact, she really was the perfect midwife

She was really busy but we spent nearly half an hour on the phone. She's made an immediate referral to the hospital so I can go in and talk to a doctor who specialises in birth/ emotional well-being to create a very specific birth plan. She said this may be that I opt for a elcs, an early epidural when I go into hosp or if I decide I do want a natural VB. She also said I could go back to hosp where I had ds and go through the birth in more detail and if required, they can refer me for further counselling. I got quite emotional over the phone but held it together and found it so helpful. She even offered to block some time out of her schedule to come round to mine for a 'cuppa and a chat' if I need to after I've been to see the consultant at the hospital.

I came off the phone and DP just gave me a massive hug, I've felt like I'm walking round with a weight off my shoulders today. I think, as I said to her, I feel so much better voicing my worries to somebody and being taken seriously has made a huge difference. She reassured me that my feelings are justified, to some extent natural and, most importantly, that they have been heard and taken seriously.

After, I said to DP that I feel very lucky to have a MW where her job seems like a genuine 'calling' rather than just something to pay the bills- as a teacher you'd like to think it's always the way but sadly (and as I'm sure many can vouch for on here), it's not always the case.

I'm a happier lady today

I'm glad it worked out for you. When I tried to speak to my MW about section at my 16 wk appointment she pretty much gave me the brush off and made me feel like crap. I was told the consultant would see me when he sees me and that no decisions would be made until 36 weeks anyway. I still don't know when I'm seeing a consultant (or more likely registrar) but I'm hoping for a pleasant surprise at my 20wk scan this week.

DowntonOut- I wouldn't get too worried just yet. I mentioned my concerns from my very first midwife appointment and at that point she was a bit dismissive ("You'll be fine, they have lovely birthing pools etc). Realistically, they only have about 15 minutes to get loads of information and probably expect that many 2nd time mothers will express anxiety.

It was when I got in touch with her as a specific concern that I was able to really articulate how I felt. If I were you, I would make a specific appointment with the purpose of discussing her, hopefully you'll get a much more positive response.

Let us know how you get on.

So glad you got a positive response Wiggy and you've got a lovely MW on your side.

Thanks Wiggy - I'm now progressing things through my GP (shared care), so we'll see how that goes. Midwife was actually very rude so I'm hoping I see a different one next time!