Lost confidence in natural birth

[Lizzietow]

Hi! I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant with my second child, and as the D date approaches I'm getting more and more anxious about birth. Obviously this isn't helpful in itself- the midwife says I should keep positive and have an open mind.
I'd love to but I'm finding it so hard- the birth of my first involved a sweep which made my waters break about 24 hours later, with immediate really strong and painful contractions. Whe I got to hospital, the midwife said my baby had turned back-to-back. I asked for an epidural as I was so desperate but had to wait 3 hours as they were short staffed and had a number if emergencies. The epidural was great, but then when I reached 8cm they let it wear off. I asked for a top up but they told me it wouldnt work as the urge to push pressed on a different nerve or something. I've since found out they lied to me- they just wanted me to feel the urge to push but didn't say as much.
It didn't work anyway as after another 3 hours Eloise was finally born with the ventouse.
Obviously it was then all worth it and I forgot the pain and have blanked it out for the past two years- until now when it's all come flooding back!
The midwife keeps saying it will be much easier the second time around but I just can't believe it and keep getting myself in a negative frame of mind!
Any positive second time birth stories or advice which might help? My baby is currently lying to the right, too which apparently means she's more likely to turn back to back again! Keep trying to lie on my left and sit forward as much as possible.
xx

Well each birth is different, so you could have a completely different experience this time. Most people seem to have a rough time with their first birth, for a variety of reasons, and most of those same people (myself included), found it went MUCH better, quicker, easier, etc, the second time.

I found having a doula at my side very reassuring and it gave me someone to talk to about my first birth and lay that ghost to clear my mind for the second time. Might that be an option for you? If not, could you go and have a debrief with a midwife or your GP about your first birth to try and set your mind at rest so you can focus on this second birth as a new and different experience?

My first birth had no specific complications, but labour was 16 hours, painful, I felt out of control, tense, quite panicked at times, and pushed for two hours. Second birth went like a dream. Two hours 20 mins from start to finish, pushed for five mins, pain felt manageable at all times (I had no pain relief for either birth), and I got up half an hour later and walked down the hall with DS2 in my arms.

lizzietow - I could have written your post after the birth of dc1. I was petrified of doing it again & of it all going the same way as the first one. I decided to buy some hypnobirthing cd's & they really helped me to focus that I could give birth and to help me see every contraction as one step nearer to having my baby.

It really helped, I spent most of dc2's labour on a birthing ball (after being induced & having my waters broken) and stayed there nearly till the end. Just used G&A and TENS. They still had to use a ventouse for the last 2 pushes prob cause he was 10lbs 13oz but my first words to dh after were "I bloody did it!!" I'm sure this birth will be so much better than your first - as my midwife said - "somethings been down that way already!". Good luck with it all

Hello - my first birth was ok, induced, sintosin drip (god those contractions were painful) and I was scared out of my wits - fear of the unknown. I had G&A, pethadine and an epidural. The pethadine made me feel quite out of it, and obviously the epidural numbed the lot. I had lots of stitches and when offered a look at the midwives handiwork I declined m(thanks, but no thanks). It took me about 10 days to be able to walk/sit properly.

With no2, they picked up a possible prob at a scan and said they would need to induce at 28 weeks then if needed, whisk us off to special care. They said a CS may be easier, but I declined (a few stitches in fanny, or major surgery). I ws so scared and also decided I would like to try no drugs as they can have an effect on the baby and I wanted him as 'normal' as poss so they wouldn't take him away.

I got a hypnobirthing book and found it to be amazing:) The theory on birth made great sense and the exercises were relaxing. I also had reflexology which was lovely. My little so and so was still round the wrong way and manual turning seemed like a waste of time as well as uncomfortable, so I looked into alternate methods. Moxibustion is one, with an 80% success rate (compared to a much lower with manual - 50% will turn, but 50% of them will turn back, so 25% success rate). Moxibustion is a form of accupuncture which involves burning of herbs under a toe (no needles)- sounds mad but it works, a neighbouring NHS trust near here do it instead of manual turning. I also went on the spinning babies website and got some exercises and they worked at 36 weeks (he turned in a garden centre an hour after my exercises which was weird).

After all of that, I had a really easy birth (2 days of being induced which wasn't great) but once going with the drip and all, the Hypnobirhting made me feel so much calmer and in control. I had no drugs, born within 1hr 20mins (from 1st contraction to out) no tears, and it was great. It was weird as my body totally took over and did it itself, I didn't even push - i know i sound smug, but the 2nd time was really soooo much better than the first, and if I had to do it tomorrow, I would:)

try to relax and focus on the positives and good luck x

I second the recommendation to hire a doula - I have hired one and she's brilliant. We have been able to talk over my last birth and really get to the bottom of the worries I have. And knowing that she's going to be by my side during the labour it so reassuring.

Also I would recommend doing some reading to stop you getting in a negative frame of mind - hypnobirthing book is good, also Ina May's guide to childbirth and Nicole Croft's The Good Birth companion. I guarantee you will feel differently about birth after reading these!

BTW, my dd was back to the right before labour, she never went back to back.

Doulas are hard to justify until you experience a birth WITH one.

Juneau where did you find a doula? This is all very helpful so far thanks! I like the idea of getting a debrief too, I didn't know you could do that!

Check out the doula uk website.

Here you go: doula.org.uk/

You just put in your postcode and it will bring up a list of doulas in your area.

Another book reccommendation for you:

'Birth Skills; proven pain management techniques for labour and birth' by Ju Ju Sundin. Full of practical ideas to help you feel more in control and manage labour pains, even if you opt for an epidural the techniques would help while you're waiting! Lots of positive birth stories too. And a whole chapter on managing a back to back labour.

Best wishes.

Thank-you so much for all of your suggestions! . I've got a lot to go on there- some good reading matter, hypnobirthing CDs to look at and doulas to investigate alongside a debrief with midwife. I think you're right that it's all about feeling in control, and if you don't (which I don't currently), then fear/anxiety takes hold. Brilliant being able to get such good advice on here!