If you had a supportive partner during labor, what helped the most?

[CheerfulYank]

I have a friend who is due to give birth in four weeks. She is fairly young and has no good friends (besides me) with children yet. Her mother cannot be relied upon, she doesn't want her Dad in with her, and the father of this baby sobbed and threatened to commit suicide if she didn't terminate, so he's out...basically, I'm going to go in with her and help her have the baby.

I'm very excited to do it, but I don't really know....I barely remember my own labor, just that DH was very calm and supportive and that was lovely.

What tips do people have? How can I be most supportive?

You are a lovely friend.

Make sure she has everything packed beforehand. Go through the bag with her to ease anxieties about baby clothes etc.

Make sure you know her birth plan and support her through it.

Be on her side when doctors and midwives make suggestions. I had a doula and she was amazing when the midwife tried to force my bump down from the top to et the baby out. Was excruciating and she paid no attention to my howls. Doula made her stop thank goodness.

Reassure her that everything is OK throughout. Birth can be scary!

Take photos!

Afterwards stay with her for as long as she needs. This might be a long time!

Hold baby whilst she has a shower etc

Am sure there is a lot more....

Thank you so much for the tips. I forgot to mention that she has a DD who is almost 6, so she does have some idea of what she's in for. :)

Don't know if that makes it better or worse really!

I am usually pretty calm in crisis-type situations (not that birth is a crisis but you know) and told her she can say absolutely anything to me and I will follow her directions to the letter and not take offense to any vile names she calls me. :o

We've only been good friends since she's been pregnant actually. We were "friends of friends" before, but I happened on FB chat one day and congratulated her on her pregnancy, and she said I was the only person who had seemed happy at all. :( (She is not involved with either of the fathers so her parents aren't happy, the father of the baby was certainly not happy, and everyone else kind of just looked at her in sympathy ) She's a star too! Hard worker, bought her own house with her own money so her kids could have their own rooms and a place to play, and she's 24. again! She is a great mom and babies are always lovely, aren't they. :)

Anyway, we started talking a lot and getting together with our DC (my DS is only a bit younger than her DD) and are great friends now but it's all been very fast, so I'm a bit nervous I won't be able to support her like I would my friends I've been close to for years and years.

I think everyone is different in labour so just follow her lead. I just ignored my poor DH when I was having DS and he hung back and didn't try to foist his help on me, which was just right. I spoke to him a couple of times but I didn't want to be talked to or touched at all, I just needed to concentrate on what I was doing (screaming, mainly).

Make sure you have plenty of food and drink for her and gently encourage her to take some now and again. The only way in which DH interfered was to order me to drink lucozade, which was good because I wouldn't have drunk anything otherwise and I'd have felt horrendous afterwards.

Strangely something that really helped was seeing DH put the baby clothes to heat up on the radiator. I got a huge burst of excitement and it really spurred me on. If at some difficult point you could draw her attention to the clothes and the fact that a baby will be in them soon it might encourage her a bit.

Obviously act as her advocate with the midwives and stand up for her if needs be.

Thanks Cailin. :) I was the same in a way, didn't want anyone speaking to me or holding my hand or anything; I think if I could have crawled into a cave alone to have DS I would have.

I was just really glad DH was there. He didn't do very much, but let me boss him about when needed. He made some good suggestions when I wasn't thinking straight about changing position etc but I just wanted him to hold my hand when I got scared. Good luck!

Ophelia covered everything really!

One thing - you could ask what helped/didn't help her last time. What kind of birth did she have with her DD?

What are her priorities for this birth?

She sounds awesome! Good on her, for everything she's done

Cailin I love your idea of getting baby's clothes out - I'm stealing that for my birth!