Is my homebirth wish unrealistic?

[BatCave]

Im 36 weeks and have all along thought that I would like a home birth with this pg (DD 11hour labour, slowed when we went to hospital but other than a tear quite uncomplicated.)

Have told midwife this and she's all for it but fairly unenthusiastic, is coming next week to discuss things but other than that no preparations done at all except I have some waterproof bed sheets given by a friend.

I'm just not too sure that DH is too keen. I think he'd go along with it to keep me happy but I know he worries about things like this and I don't want him stressed or panicking.

Oh the clincher is that we're going to be moving house, in the next 3 weeks.

Am I being unrealistic? We can't afford a birth pool or anything like that (which I'd love but just can't afford it) but I just want to be relaxed and at home.

I only decided on a home birth a few weeks ago, I'm now 37 weeks. I don't know what you can or can't afford but I got a La Bassine pool for £100 with all the bits needed.

Is there an open evening or could you have an appointment with your DH present?

DH felt much more confident about home birth once he'd talked to the MWs about what the emergency plans are etc.

I was planning a homebirth but it's been vetoed now due to complications in my previous birth. Luckily my community MWs are really supportive of homebirth and stressed all the way through I could still have one if I wanted to, nobody can enforce a certain birth upon you, but they had to make me aware of the risks.

I looked at hiring a birth pool but for the prices some places ask you can get a second hand one on eBay or similar for roughly the same amount. This site I found really helpful in deciding and planning, as well.

Get your DH to read up on it as well, statistically I'm sure planned homebirths result in less intervention than hospital births (will see if I can find te source for this, I definitely read it somewhere!), and I agree with TeWi he will probably feel a bit more confident in the whole process if he discusses it with health professionals and other people who've had homebirths beforehand.

I hope you get the birth you want :)

TeWi we had a home visit with the mw yesterday. I think it did help. He's still :-/ there's a local home birth group I believe meeting next week I'd like to go to but I don't thin we can get a babysitter. I'm definitely sending him down the research route tonight though. Am I a bit selfish to not really be putting higher value on his feeling in this?

We've at least got a date for moving so at least a little more organised there!

£100 is more than we could afford I'm afraid Mrs, my friend unfortunately sold her pool before she realised. I'd love a pool but it's not the be all and end all. Will fork out for some fairy lights instead I think.

I'm very lucky in that my husband is prepared to go along with a home-birth on the proviso that if there is any indication to go to hospital I will do so (which is fine with me). I was very traumatised by the birth of my son despite it being a normal delivery so I want as much to be different as possible from that experience.

I think you're the one who goes through the actual physical process of the birth so your feeling should be higher priority than his.

Whereabouts are you? If you're in the Brighton area you're more than welcome to borrow my pool, assuming I don't need it when you do!

Thanks CaptainHetty I'll check out that site in a minute.

I'm excited nervous about it all now, has just dawned on me, 37 weeks tomorrow so as long as I don't go into labour this afternoon/tonight if all goes well this should really be happening!

Ah bless you Mrs I'm in the south west so probably not feasible but thank you, how kind that you'd do that for a stranger! And yes that's sort of what I'd thought too, that it's me going through it all. To be fair I gave him every opportunity to veto, provided he'd read up on it and researched the facts first and he didn't bother so I pretty much said "well screw you I'll decide then".

I think that proviso is fair really. I'll put that to him later. The hospital isn't that far away 7 miles or so, I don't really see it as an issue, maybe half hour by ambulance if it were the middle of the night tops as none in our town overnight but that's worst case scenario.

As others have said, all you need is a towel and a light, I remember DM meticulously planning my first HB and the only thing that came in handy was she had dettolled the bathroom floor (DD made an impromptu arrival in the bathroom - upstairs, miles from planned paradise of downstairs bedroom ) the MW screamed for towels and DM flung a whole pile at her, I could not have cared less where I was, nor the fact that DBs dirty washing was inches from my face .

I'm sure you know all the pros and few cons of having a HB but really as long as you're happy and comfortable, its the best way in the world to give birth.

I really love hearing these homebirth stories! Is making me excited!

You do need a surprising amount of towels.

People always assume I had a pool because I had two home births. The idea never really appealed to me tbh.

You don't need much for a home birth. Covers for the bed (one for after, you need to protect the matress for a while after)

A space near a socket for the rescus equipment.
A good light in case you need stitches (a lamp with the shade off and a high watt bulb will do)

Hope it all goes well (do you know you can get a prescription for pethedine just in case you need it)

Oh and as far as safety goes, the MW (who is exclusively yours, not nipping between however many ladies) will monitor you more, check your welfare, not a little screen that means you're strapped in one place, there's less of a wait and see approach as there is in hospital, if they are the slightest bit concerned you will be transferred straight to hospital, you get a caesarean quicker from home (a team will be scrambled quicker as they are less informed of your condition and can't take any risks) but MWs also have to improvise more at home, less likely to result in interventions. My DS had his shoulders stuck, in hospital this would have been classed an emergency but the MW stayed calm and efficient and before long he was delivered, I was vaguely aware what had happened but occuring in hospital would have been far more dramatic and therefore traumatic. DM and MW certainly exchanged a few looks but I was kept oblivious just another benefit of my HB vs Hospital birth hth

Oh and lastly Bat avoid going ott with Dettol or anyother sprays as your baby will climatise to your home/germs/dust/scents quite quickly, obvioudly always nice to have good clean up but some people who've thought about HBs obsess about the cleaning, its at the bottom of the list honestly.
My list was:
Towels
Light
Shower curtain
Washing up bowl/bucket
Okay that was mine DM's was probably ten times that

MrsDeVere I was told if I wanted a prescription for meptid why I was bothering with a HB?
A week before my due date I came the closest I have ever come to robbing an old lady, I was in the chemist for something or other and this dear old lady was picking up her prescription, discussing each item with the pharmacist, when she got to this huge box of meptid..... I bit my lip and walked away before any undiscovered urges were realised it would have been funny though "you robbed an old lady of methadone?" "no meptid" "why bloody meptid?" "they said I couldn't have any and I was scared..."

No chance of over cleanliness here VeremyJyle hence why it needs adding to my list, plus mid move I don't think it'll be high on my list of priorities to be honest.

They told me too that they don't do opiates for hb, although I think if I demanded it I probably could get a script.

I think my list so far is:
Fairy lights
Sheet/shower curtain
Towels
2 Buckets (my friend said 1 to wee in and 1 for placenta)
light
Food/snacks
Waterproof bed sheets (already got)

Hi Batcave, I read your first post the other day but didn't have time to respond, it's great to see that since then you've seen the mw and are now positively planning your home birth.

My DC1 was a positive hospital birth but I knew I wanted a home birth next time, something I'd always thought about but didn't dare suggest first time around. With the confidence of having done it once before and knowing how I would cope we planned a home birth with DC2. It was the best decision ever.

A very relaxed and calm experience. My DH was a little reluctant at first too, he felt a lot better having met and quizzed our community mw at the home- birth home-visit. On the day (well, night) itself he became a total convert. He says he actually felt much more involved that at DC1s hospital birth. He was able to chat to the mw, make drinks, open the biscuits, put the music on, change the lighting, heating etc at my request. Being in your own home automatically makes you and DH feel more in control, you and he can go where you want and do what you want, when you want. He found it much less stressful than being surrounded by people in uniforms telling us what to do. It was a wonderful experience for all of us.

I had no desire for a water birth and didn't have a pool. Unless you're desperate for a pool then don't worry about it, it's not obligatory for a home birth. Apparently the reason home birth and pools go hand in hand is because choosing a home birth is the only way to guarantee having use of a pool if you really want one, which is the deciding factor for many women. My DD was born on dry land in our living room. Don't fret about prep, there's virtually nothing you won't already have at home. DH splashed out on a huge tarpaulin (!!) which we put under an old duvet on the living room floor other than that we already had the other stuff on the mw's list.

This is a very positive read if your DH can be persuaded

www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/myth-safer-hospital-birth-low-risk-pregnancies

Best wishes with everything.

Oh forgot to say. Home birth was such a great experience that I'm currently planning another home birth for DC3 due next month.

Ah thank you moon :) that's really positive. These links are really useful and I'm going to bombard him with them tonight when he gets home (there's no football on tonight is there??)

I know if I can get him to be chilled out then that's the hard work done

Ah well my scan has been cancelled due to a lady in labour.

About persuading your dh (not that I think you should have to - we're the ones who live with the psychological and physical consequences of birth), mine said that the best bit of our hb was that when it was all over, it was the midwives and not him who had to leave. (First time around he got thrown out when visiting hours ended, and from that minute one I was the one who knew about the baby.) He bonded much faster with the hb baby because no-one sent him away.

This a bit of a late response, but just wanted to say that I had my baby 4 weeks ago at home. It was a VERY late planned home birth - we too were moving house and I wasn't sure we'd be sorted in time, so decided to go to MLU. However, we moved a couple of weeks before the birth and the house was in an ok state, so I had a last minute change of heart and decided at 39 weeks to go for it. I spent the next few days madly dashing around getting the bits I needed, and a LOVELY lady on my local freecycle kindly lent me her birthing pool!

I didn't need as many towels and sheets as I thought I'd need. I'd bought loads of cheap shower curtains to drape over furniture, but in the end only used one under the birthing pool to protect floor and even that wasn't needed.

I was in the pool until I started pushing (waters went in pool), but had to get out and deliver on the sofa. I had a big double flat sheet folded on the sofa and the MW used a few maternity mats to catch the "blood and guts" - which really wasn't that much. I had a towel for baby to be wiped down with - so in total one sheet, 2 towels and a handful of maternity mats (which I bought but MWs also had loads) were used, and only the double sheet had to be chucked away because baby pooed all over it on her way out! The MW had a yellow medical waste bucket for the placenta, and a bag for all the other waste which she took away to be incinerated.

It was honestly the best experience and I'm so glad I did it as it was my last baby. I'd recommend doing it if you can - it's not as messy as you'd think and you really don't need much stuff (think what they use for hospital births, and it's not a blood bath there!).

Congratulations on the birth of your dd!

Hey just wanted to update you all, I had my homebirth and it was just perfect!!

My DS was born last week, 6 days overdue. My Contractions started at 1am, called the midwife at 2. Managed with the TENS until she turned up with the entenox! I laboured in our lounge kneeling on the floor against our new sofa (lots of sheets and a huge duvet covering everything!) and my little boy was delivered in that position after 3.5 hours of labour! 9lb4oz of him!!!

The 2nd midwife walked through the door as his head delivered and at the same time my DD woke up! She was great (2year old) and played upstairs for a bit. My husband took our DS up to meet her then afterwards she came downstairs and wrapped the midwives round her finger!

Just as I imagined it would be. The midwife said she wished she had had a student as it went so perfectly :)

Thanks for all of your help and encouragement! dH is now a total covert. I'm a bit poorly at the moment but I wouldn't change a thing!

Lovely to hear about the total non-drama of a birth at home. Enjoy your time now.

HOORAY!

Hope you are better soon :)

Delighted for you!

Congratulations to the whole family. It's so lovely when people come back with updates. Hope you're feeling better soon and it's nothing serious.