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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

visitors after giving birth?

19 replies

mameulah · 20/08/2012 22:45

Just wondering how soon everyone was ready for visitors after they had given birth? (Both the welcome and the I-have-to-put-up-with-them variety).

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lisad123 · 20/08/2012 22:47

I only wanted dh and close family like my mum and sisters for atleast a week or two. With second dd I only wanted dh and dd1 for a week.
Depends on how much practical stuff they were willing to give

joanofarchitrave · 20/08/2012 22:49

I was ready for all comers from moments after the birth for about two days - I would happily have held ds above my head on a balcony to the cheers of a multitude at the time. Rang my PILs and begged them to come in, rang my mum, rang my sister, you name it.

About 24 hours after getting home, I just wanted to be left alone.

Original poster

mameulah · 20/08/2012 22:58

Thanks, the is all really good to know. When this whole hormones/teary thing happens did you know? Could you tell you were ready for some space or is just instant? And did you have to cope with any visitors outstaying their welcome?

OP posts:

joanofarchitrave · 21/08/2012 00:04

I found that the switch was too quick to catch, really. I think you just have to play it by ear and hope for a supportive partner.

WolfinaRedCloak · 21/08/2012 00:12

Leave it a week, also leave the pots, laundry and housework then when they come let them do it all for you as payment for a precious 5 minute hold/coo over your wee one.

MrsPaynie · 21/08/2012 09:47

I wanted visitors straight away, would have welcomed anyone, but I think that's more likely because I knew I wouldn't have any from family while I was in hospital. First time I lived a good 5 hours away from family, and second time lived in a different country! I had friends visit the day after I got out of hospital and I was just so pleased to be able to show my little baby off! My family managed to visit about day 3/4 and that was lovely, after that I enjoyed having some space for a few days.

NattyCraig · 21/08/2012 13:20

I have told hubby I don't want anyone to come to the hospital and that I will let him know when I am ready for visitors (other than my mum and dad) that will be once I am home, showered and feeling more like myself.

I am not having his family turn up and sit on my sofa expecting cuddles with baby and not bother to do anything to help us (they won't lift a finger) whereas my parents will bring things, help wash up, take the washing for us...

He thinks I'm being unfair... I just want the first week to be us though really.

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 21/08/2012 13:24

DO NOT SET ANYTHING IN STONE

I did, I bitterly regretted it! after hospital I wanted normality and people around me, you do not know what you will need after the birth until it happens

ladymariner · 21/08/2012 13:31

I had visitors from the off, and I lovd it, I couldn't wait to show ds off. When I brought him home I had a day and a half with no visitors then it was pretty constant from then on......saying that, every single visitor was the type who made their own tea, washed up, brought shopping etc.....fab! And none of them outstayed their welcome.

As an aside, I would be devastated if my DIL's parents were allowed to visit and I wasn't.

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 21/08/2012 13:44

"I have told hubby I don't want anyone to come to the hospital"

I said that, unfortunately everyone respected my wishes!
ended up being in 5 days and desperate to see normal faces! sent DH and my mum off to un-do my ABSOLUTELY NOONE requests and get me some visitors! I was going mad in there! was so grateful when some came (after triple checking with DM and DH because I had been very clear before hand that I wasn't having any till I'ld been home a couple of days). Unfortunately I'ld scared the ILs off and they didn't come until the time I had specified when pregnant - the hormones made me irrationally hurt that they weren't banging the door down to see my beautiful baby!

Annunziata · 21/08/2012 13:58

Honestly, I think you're better having visitors in hospital (obviously if you have an alright birth). You aren't as tired as you'll be when baby comes home, you don't need to worry about what you look like, you don't need to worry about feeding anyone or cleaning the house, plus the midwives will turf them out when visiting finishes.

oscarwilde · 21/08/2012 16:27

Pros and cons to the visitor question depending on what they do when they arrive and how long they stay / how comfortable you are with heading up to bed with the baby for a bit.
I had bf issues and was recommended lots of skin to skin to help get things established. It would have been extremely difficult to do with lots of visitors given the length of time each feed was taking.
I remember visiting friends (pre-arranged and we were on time) with a 6 week old and after an hour realising that she was waiting for us to leave so she could feed the baby and was too polite to either boot us out or head off upstairs. I was mortified. I wished that she had just said instead of squirming with her precious first born.

You won't know until you have the baby how long you will be kept in for. I would take close family visitors in the hospital during the marvellously limited visiting hours and welcoming single bedside chair :)[no cameras - they'll photograph you looking grim and stick photos on facebook without your permission] if they are close enough to come.
If you have family that live further away - send photos but arrange for them to visit after 2-3 week mark. Longer if they have to fly though since you could realistically give birth within a 4 week period no-one should be booking flights until the baby comes anyway. You can be reasonably sure that any medical issues will be sorted and you will all be in a better place.

Regular friends - not before 6 weeks unless invited and daytime only. Post work visiting is a PITA as you'll quite possibly be feeding/bathing etc solidly at that time of day. Maybe I'm unrealistic but most people realise that you'll be submerged in family visitors and short on sleep for a few weeks and it's not fair to add to the general hassle factor. Just agree with DH when you are "open" for visitors, so he can start booking in people when they ask. We had a Sunday morning coffee and cake elevenses and had about 10 friends at once. They all stayed about 2hrs and then buzzed off for lunch. Most of them brought cake too :)

Family to stay - I REALLY didn't want anyone to come and stay, nor did my DH. In the end due to the circs of the early arrival we had to call my MIL and have her come. Unfortunately she drove like the clappers and arrived before I'd even had the baby [that was an unwelcome surprise in hospital] but really nice that after surgery my DH wasn't going home alone. She stayed for a week [I was in hospital for most of that] and delivered lunch and dinner every day, laundered baby clothes, and generally made herself indispensible. She stayed for two days when we were discharged and then made herself scarce for a few weeks to let us get sorted. I came out of hospital to a spotless house, a very chilled and rested DH [week of paternity leave with no baby overnight and his mum waiting on him hand and foot], and a freezer full of food. She's quite often a PITA but I wouldn't hesitate to ask for help the second time around. My parents came 4 weeks later and expected to be entertained, cooked for and generally waited on for their week's visit :(

fuckbadger · 21/08/2012 17:32

Both times I was on such a high I wanted to show my baby off straightaway! I preferred people just coming for a short visit though and only one or two at a time, I couldn't handle long stayers or big groups!

ladymariner · 21/08/2012 17:45

Same as me fuckbadger (great name )

oscar your mil sounds fab!

Original poster

mameulah · 21/08/2012 18:53

Thanks heaps for all the advice. I think I will be open minded with regards to all visitors except the in laws who don't do subtle in any shape or form. Am also confused about all these short visiting hours everyone seems to have experienced. The maternity hospital I am going into has three blocks of three hour slots. That seems really long to me. Not ofcourse for my family visiting but for the I-have-to-put-up-with-them-lot......arg!!!!!!

OP posts:

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 21/08/2012 18:58

usually there are 2 different sets of visiting hours
one for the birth partners (quite long)
and one for everyone else (no more than an hour or 2)

Original poster

mameulah · 21/08/2012 19:07

I wish, but I have checked. There are three blocks of three hours! Apart from my family and obviously my dh the idea of being stranded in a bed being force fed unwanted visitors. Even the thought of it makes me stress!

OP posts:

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 21/08/2012 19:09

gosh! its not just your visitors that get a bit much, your neighbours do too! that is definitely too much! and not very supportive of breast feeding!

Annunziata · 21/08/2012 20:45

Three hours! When I gave birth (admittedly in the 90s) it was strictly an hour.
I really don't know what I'd do with three hours- I suppose if everyone else has visitors it'll be grim anyway so you might as well have them too. It's rotten when you're the only one on the ward without a big happy celebration.

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