What constitutes a 'normal' birth? If I hate smears will I be rubbish at giving birth? Some nice stories please, if realistic!!

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I'm in very early stages of pregnancy, 16 weeks but already I'm thinking about d day!

I plan to do a hypnobirthing course and try to prepare myself as much as possible for labour and birth.

I can't say that I'm terrified at the thought of the pain yet but this may well change as the time gets closer!

It's the fear of the unknown for me as this will be my first birth.

I hate having smear tests - does this mean I will be rubbish at giving birth?

I listen to lots of birth stories and probably watch far too much OBEM!

One colleague took great pleasure in telling us non-mums about her experience of tearing from 'front to back' over coffee break.

Sorry for rambling, but I just can't think about how I'm going to behave in labour and feel and it scares me

This sounds trivial but I'm worried about having a horrible midwife, remember the one that laughed this week when Rachel asked for an epidural?

Is giving birth all as dramatic as it looks on tv? Can it ever be pleasant? Any nice stories to share?

I've had 3 natural births & they've all been fine. I too hate smears but there isn't any comparison to those so don't worry about that.

It's impossible to explain until you go through it & everyone's experience is different but for the majority, thankfully it's fine. Obviously people do experience trauma but for me, it was all good & relatively straightforward. I'd simply say to focus on your breathing & remember that your body knows what to do so trust it .

All the best & enjoy your pregnancy & try not to stress.

no it's not always dramatic and yes it can be a nice, if painful, experience!

i also hate smears and I had a bit of a rubbish first birth, but my second labour and birth was lovely! relaly lovely. so lovely that I wanted to do it again!

i think the hypnobirthing course is a great idea.
the main reason my first birth was a bit rubbish was bbecause I did no preparation. ,I had figured that it was going to happen anyway and that they'd tell me what to do, which was right to some extent, but I think if i'd prepared more i'd have been feeling more positie about it, i'd have known the down-sides to some of the pain relief I had etc etc and I'd have felt more in control.

but like I say, my second was great. I had him at home and it was a really great experience, I felt so proud of myself afterwards.
it did hurt, it hurt like hell, and at one point i was moaning that I wanted an epidural but the pain is dealable with (imo) because you know it will end. you just keep telling yourself with each contraction that this will end in a bit, and it does.
once you're pushing I found that it didn't actually hurt that much, perhaps becuase you're more focussed?

I was worried about this too as I'm a bit of a wimp but both my births were pretty anticlimactic! Quick, and didn't hurt half as much as I'd thought. Contractions felt like severe crampy gut-rot but you know it's going to end so it's not so bad iyswim? And actually pushing them out really didnt hurt, it was more like a relief, like doing a really big poo

I tore too but I didn't believe the midwife when she told me as I hadn't felt it AT ALL. All I had was gas and air with the first one, nothing for the second (no time, I was walking into the delivery room when he popped out onto the floor!)

You always hear the bad stories, as they're generally more interesting, but as the poster above said, you're body is meant to do this, and you will be fine.

Hypnobirthing is supposed to be fab, btw - my friend is a GP and is trained to teach it

Congrats on your pregnancy!

If it helps, I had what is meant to be a "bad" birth (quite severe tearing, baby got stuck and needed forceps) but before you think oh no this isn't what I wanted to hear...I honestly came out of the experience thinking well that wasn't so bad. The whole "run up" (contractions etc) was very very manageable & weirdly I quite enjoyed the challenge & the control it gave me just focusing on breathing & using a TENS machine which was a life saver. Like others have said, contractions were just like severe cramps & the thought it would all be over & what was coming as a reward at the end was very motivating. I was determined not to go to hospital too early & got there just as my waters burst & was ready to push. By that point in my personal experience, your brain kind of zones you out so the pain is bearable. You just want to get the job done! If DS hadn't got stuck all would have been perfect. Even though he did, I felt happy that all was in control and at no point was the pain too much to take (& I'm a huge wimp). The worst part for me was the stitching up afterwards. Next time round I'd do some research into how experienced the staff are who do the stitching, never mind the midwives! :p good luck you'll be brilliant x

HATE smears! Birth fine. First baby got to hospital 2 1/2 hours before baby arrived. Water birth. Tried gas and air but didn't like it.
Second time around DC arrived in 59 mins!
Ensure your birth partner is prepared to argue for whatever you want. (First baby was back to back and I NEEDED water poured continually from a jug over my spine. Tee hee. I'm rotten to DH!)
Can't say my first birth was dramatic (remember dramatic equals good tv). My second was dramatic but that was because I was 9cm dilated and no one realised I was in labour!

I had a pretty crappy birth - long, painful, emcs at the end of it (even a baby in NICU the first night) - and I have the world's LOWEST pain threshold, DP used to joke about it before... but I coped. I coped a hell of a lot better than I thought I would. People aren't making it up when they say that you zone out, you really do, and time passes very quickly.

I found the TENS machine to be a godsend, loved G&A when I finally got some.

Learn all the relaxation techniques, hypnobirthing etc you can because relaxing really does help. But if you decide you want an epidural or pethidine when you are in labour then do not beat yourself up. No one knows first time around how you will cope with the pain and if you decide that you want relief that is equally as fine as not having pain relief.

The key things I would stress are a) remember that it will end. It really will. Whether you spend your labour focusing on the beautiful baby, or just on this brief experience sodding ending, that end will happen.

And b), listen to your body and argue for what you want. Personally I thought it was shocking she (Midwives) was refused an epidural for the reasons she was. If you want pain relief keep asking for it. I didn't push for attention on the pre-labour ward and it backfired. Make sure that your DP/birth partner knows your choices too.

Good luck! It will be ok in the end. We promise it will.

Does anyone (sane) actually enjoy having a smear?

Oh and I tore a bit both times. Didn't notice at the time it happened. Both time stitched. Healed well. Helps to rinse with shower head and pat clean with kitchen roll (my DM swears by drying with a hair dryer but mine is nuclear hot and I didn't want a singed fanjo!)
Tea tree and lavender in a bath also aid healing I believe.
Good luck!

Ooh congratulations.

Completely normal to wonder about labour and birth and imagine various scenarios. I truly believe it is one of those things that you can plan, yet being as open minded as possible and going with the flow will make it a better experience. When I had mine, v detailled birth plans were all the rage and the women I shared my ante natal classes with seemed to be rigid about every detail...almost disappointed if it changed course half way through.

Like thisisyesterday says above, I also enjoyed giving birth, especially to my twins. It was so exciting to finally be able to see, meet and hold the babies after all that time.

One critisism I have of OBEM is the women they show are rarely very active, maybe they only show the ones that lie on their backs, I am positive moving and gravity can have a positive effect.

I despise smear tests - ugh.

I've given birth twice. The first time in particular was amazing and I'd do it 100 times if I could.

I've one DC already and his birth wasn't great. Planned home birth, ended up in hospital, he was back to back, shoulder got stuck, ended in episiotomy and forceps etc

So yes it hurt like hell but to be honest the recovery was worse, I got an infection in my episiotomy stitches and was in pure agony for weeks. Looking back I think that a lot could have gone differently so I'm seeing a birth councellor to discuss this before giving birth to DC2.

I am rubbish with pain but I survived and more importantly it hasn't put me off getting pregnant again! My advice would be to arm yourself with as much info as possible (if you think it will help you) , read a few books (ina may gaskin) and definitely do the hypnobirthing course. My aim this time is to believe in my body's ability to give birth - apparently even if you were in a coma your body would give birth! And I think the theory that fear=tension=pain is very relevant - its a natural process which can be aided by acceptance and relaxation or inhibited by tension and fear.

Just a warning; I've been listening to a natal hypnotherapy cd and finding I feel really agitated afterwards - I thought there was something awfully wrong but I've read a theory that it may be repressed feelings that would get in the way of a natural birth, that makes a lot if sense to be so I plan to persevere and hope it sorts itself out.

I'd do some reading and try and speak to your midwife about your fears, there may be some kind of counselling you can have to help ease them. I know there's something in place for those with a birth phobia so there ought to be some help out there for you

congratulations and hope all goes well

I really recommend you reading Effective Birth Preparation by Maggie Howell. I did her course too as I was just like you; closer to being petrified of the birth but the book change my mind set before I did the course! The course was fantastic too - gets you exploring the reasons for your fears, solutions and puts a massive focus on the birthing partner too (his or her role, how they can help you and speak on your behalf)

Hypnobirthing is the US version of Natal Hynotherapy. I looked at both and personally liked Natal Hypnotherapy because of the CD's being British accent.

I loved my labour and birth even though it was 5 days of slow labour, i birthed DD using a tens machine and a little gas and air, It was amazing, and 12 months on I still talk about it positivity. I even had major complications afterwards with my placenta which resulted in surgery and a blood transfusion but the relaxation technique I learnt help me stay calm and focused

Doesn't everyone hate smears? I recommend the hypnobirthing idea - I used CDs called Natal Hypnotherapy and they were really good. First birth used TENS, gas and air and had a water birth (really recommend if it's available) Second was very quick and only used the TENS. Being upright and active really helps. You need to have an open mind, research all your options and be prepared to change your mind on the day because every birth is different, but I do think you can make a difference to the outcome by your attitude going into it. Completely agree with the statement that you can either help the process by accepting and working with it, or hinder it by stress, fear, unnecessary medicalisation and poor positioning.
Don't listen to any negative stories - your birth will be unique to you, the way you handle it will be unique to you, and nobody else has a right to say how you should cope on the day. Learn some coping techniques, and if they don't work for you have a plan b that you are also happy with. It's not a pass-fail exam, the only prize is a healthy baby at the end of it.

Have read only OP.

With DS2 I had a swift normal delivery, drug-free along hypnobirthing principles (had read the theory but not had classes). Recorded labour time: 52mins, of which delivery was four contractions. Easy peasy, absolutely gorgeous baby resulting.

My previous smear had been under GA; speculums are just about my worst enemy.

Yes, it needn't be a problem but make sure your HCPs know how you feel. They will have experience in dealing with women who are particularly uncomfortable with vaginal examinations.

Juju Sudin's Birth Skills was really helpful for me. I was dreading labour and am a bit of a wuss and hypochondriac, but I went from 0-10 cms in three hours and stayed at home the whole time and arrived at hospital ready to push! (Not intentionally, but the hospital wouldn't let me come in, but actually I'm pleased I was in the comfort of my own home for most of it.) And my baby arrived bang on her due date. So just because it is a first labour, doesn't mean you will be in labour for days - which I was petrified of -, or need to be induced etc.

For me, contractions felt like very intense period pain. It wasn't nice, but it was manageable. The crowning stage was the most painful for me, it is like a burning pain, but I still managed without pain relief (emetophobic and scared gas and air would make me sick!). I laboured and gave birth crouching down and on all fours and found this position reduced the pain. I also asked dh to keep rinsing a facecloth in cold water for me to wipe my face with. It cooled me down, gave dh a 'task' do so he felt useful, and was a distraction from the contractions too.

I did have a third degree tear, but didn't feel it at the time. I won't lie, that was very uncomfortable and painful, but you get pain relief and after about 8 weeks everything felt back to normal and I don't have any symptoms.

It was only four months ago but I've forgotten the sensations already and am also quite broody - so it can't have been that bad! I also found it useful to remind myself - it is only a day out of your whole life and that in a few hours it would all be over.

Getting broody again writing all this!

People love to tell their horror stories. I'm quite coy about my two labours because they were relatively straight forward and only had gas and air for DC2 when pushing. Also not that long.

I read a lot of positive stuff eg Ina May Gaskin and glossed over any bad things that could happen (not in a head in the sand way but I was more practical about it ie deciding how I'd deal with things of they went wrong).

Looking back though, labour is such a tiny part of becoming a mother it really is. Yes it can and does have a profound effect and you end up with huge awe at what our bodies can do but it's the kids themselves that cause the real trauma

Normal birth is any birth that has a good outcome. I have had a normal birth that was perfect - totally in control, upright and painless with and epidural. I also had a perfectly normal c-section. Some people like to say the only 'normal' ones are without 'intervention' or pain relief. That's their problem!!

Normal birth is what feels normal to you. Good luck whatever you choose

Thanks for the replies to my question. I will be saving this thread and reading it regularly in the next few months!

I know all births are different so I won't try to give you any advice, but my birth story was a happy one too. I was beside myself before the birth because of low tolerance to pain etc. but I remembered to relax and didn't even need gas and air.

Non medicalised home birth, along hypnobirthing principles too.

After I'd pushed her out I said in surprise "oh it wasn't that bad!". That was until I had the stitches, and was livid with DH for ignoring me for the only part where I actually needed him (too busy cuddling DD ). But even the stitches were more the thought of it than any actual pain (I'm a wimp)

Just re-read my post and should clarify that I couldn't actually feel the stitches at all as they use a local anaesthetic, it's just I'm squeamish.

I hate smears, to the point where I am almost phobic about it.

I had no problem giving birth though. It hurt like hell and I did tear but it was the best day of my life.

I felt so bloody strong and just let my body get on with what it needed to do.

Smears are horrid, scratchy, and invasive.

Giving birth rocks.

I've had 2 very positive birth experiences. First in hospital and second at home (planned). Both straight forward, no intervention, no pain relief - except TENS.

• I second PiggyMad's suggestion of reading "birth skills" by JuJu Sundin, this book really helped me and has been round all of my friends now too who also agree on how great it is, we just call it 'The Book'! Lots of practical and useful advice on how to manage pain during birth, mostly distraction type techniques. Lots of positive birth stories in it too.

• I also drank gallons of raspberry leaf tea from about 36 weeks onwards, it's meant to help make contractions more effective (not bring the baby on early as some mistakenly believe).

• TENS was brilliant for me.

• Think positive thoughts; you can do it, millions of women have done it before you, it's just one day out of your whole life, each contraction is one less.

A straightforward birth is normal not lucky. There's a new website that will link you up with someone in your area who has already given birth and had a positive experience that they're willing to share. Can't remember the web address but a bit of googling should turn it up.

Best wishes with everything.

Just checked it's

www.tellmeagoodbirthstory.com/

Not only do I hate smears, I'd never had one as I didn't want to get my knickers down/people feeling about.

Giving birth (back to back) was fine. Yes, there were unpleasant bits, but they don't last forever and your body knows what it is doing.

I'm the worlds worst woman at having smears - I've fainted during one and run out of the room just before another. But my two births have been just fine, quick and no need for pain relief. I think it's because your body gets itself ready for birth but not for a smear?

The trick is not to watch too much obem - ignorance is bliss.