Nervous bout c section after a very rude midwife destroyed my confidence in the hospital!

[Billy11]

Sorry ladies this is a bit of a rant but I need some advice.
I am booked at the kensington wing for a c section on wednesday
happy with my consultant...met the other doctors ...all absolutely lovely...
went in a few weeks ago as i thought baby was coming early ...and the midwives were soooooo nice ...loved it...
Friday i had to go in to pick up my anti acid medicines and do the last bloods...saw my consultant at the clinic then walked over for to hosp to the midwives...

The senior midwife was unbelievably rude and unhelpful...i had finally started to feel confident about the c section and all i can think of now is her being there during my stay ....i would have a panic attack if me or my baby have to be under her care after my c section!

I only emailed my consultants pa but didnt say anything in the hosptial
Should I have?
I am too scared if i say anything she will be really horrible to me when im in next week.

She rolled her eyes and sighed at me ..i only asked one question! Do i bring in my own sterlisation equipment for the bottles at which she told me to ask the receptionis outside for a what to bring list!

instead of taking me in to a room she stopped me while i was opening to loo door to go for pee ..and said here ...this is the medicine you take ....my other midwife will take your bloods and walked off...
when the other midwives tried to be nice to me she yelled at them and called them away to do other stuff....!!
I will flip if on the day after paying 10 grand for a bloody private hospital someone treats me like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

she said a c section is the same as a vaginal birth ....dont bring anything...we will not help you with bottles...we can not steralise bottles here...it went on and on ...i felt really teary and just walked off...normally i would have asked for her manager and make her apologise...but im so hormonal and really scared....and she kept making he eyes big and rolling them saying..women have c sections all the time its not different and teh recovery is no different...paracetamol will be fine after...

i have joint issues back issues disk issues spd...and if on top a midwife is unhelpful ...so help me god i will have to sue the hospital

im just stressing out....i cant let one person ruin this for me ...not sure what i should do ...just turn up and hope shes not there?

am i being silly?

I'm so sorry this happened!

I don't think you're being silly, and you can ask that she not be anywhere near you during your procedure. She is lacking any social skills, just because she has done this a bazillion times doesn't mean she should treat you like that! Acting like a twat you should know everything isn't very professional at all.

Did you get her name so that you can exclude her, or make sure your team excludes her?

i remember her name..she is a SENIOR midwife?
What if she is the one in charge that night....

I think I will ask!
Thanks

I keep thinking im being too sensitive to everything

One of the reasons i pay for private healthcare is because I want to be treated as an intelligent participant in my healthcare. This includes not being talked to like a small child when asking reasonable questions.

If you weren't happy with the way she treated you, I'd say something now. And yes ask for her not to be involved in your care. I very much doubt - if she is on shift when you go in - that she would be foolish enough to make an issue of any complaint. If she does, keep complaining.
Good luck with the birth!

Make a complaint to the Head of Midwifery. I'm sure it won't be the first they have heard about her??..

also dealing with this sort of performance issue is very difficult without evidence from clients.

If she has upset you - its highly likely she has already upset lots of others.

I dont know how they can keep working.

I had to change my MW and she was the matron? Her attitude was beyond appalling.

It turned out - lots of people had had problems with her.

Dont get upset just complain.

Does your consultant delivery privately elsewhere? if so could you switch?
I am due to have a c section at the lindo wing on friday (baby is feet first). This is my first and i am understandably worried about what to bring etc
i rang up yesterday and they were lovely. of course they've heard all the questions before.

one tip i've got from mumsnet is use a hairdryer to dry your scar after a shower. i wouldn't have thought of that but makes sense

Please don't use a hairdryer
: you could burn yourself
: have you seen how much crap hides in a hairdryer? Now blow that into your wound!

After a shower, blot the scar area dry with kitchen roll. Then air it for a while lying on the bed. If you have an overhang so fresh air cannot reach it, hold your tummy up for a while.

Does your consultant practice anywhere else? You won't get nonsense like that at The Portland, particularly the sterilising thing! They do everything, and that's what you're paying for!

Ooh have a word with your consultant. You are not paying for that nonsense.

definitely complain - don't pay a huge amount of money for something you are unhappy about.

and by the by, mayhew, thank you - very sound advice! I've just had abdo surgery and had been thinking about using the hairdrier trick, but it hadn't occurred to me that it's a lovely infection vector in there especially with my hairdrier

Definitely complain. Why should you pay to have anyone treat you so dismissively?

On the bottles issue, if they don't provide formula, have you thought about buying something like this?

Make a complaint, regardless of whether you are NHS or private she should not be treating you like that. The good thing is that because this is a private ward, if word gets round of rude midwives, people will choose to pay thousands to other places. When you complain tell them you are considering going elsewhere, and tell them you do not want her to be treating you when you come in (and that you require them to sterilise the bottles, the baby is a patient there once it is born and they have an obligation to enusre it is fed properly, they cannot refuse to sterilise bottle anymore than they can refuse to clean the dinner plate sof other patients)

"You won't get nonsense like that at the Portland." not so, I've had friends had dreadful experiences with awful agency MWs at the Portland (including asking her to be quiet and tutting over her decision to have an epidural). That's just medical staff everywhere - they may have had a bad day and occasionally take it out on someone by snapping, paying or not.

I've had two babies at the KW and found the vast majority of the midwives there to be fantastic (and many were still there when I went back). One or two have been brusque on occasion. Even the doctors can be brusque at times. There was probably some unfair judgment on her part that you are going straight to bottle-feeding which I expect is pretty unusual in Chelsea; they are pretty keen on pushing the breastfeeding being part of an NHS hospital.

Don't be offended, but didn't you come on once before complaining how terrible the consultant's PA was and how you couldn't possibly deal with her at all? Are you perhaps a little stressed out before the birth and need to chill a bit?

It's my experience that some midwives get a bit over empowered (sorry if that's not a word) when it comes to dealing with their patients. They have seen it all before, know exactly what is going to happen and get a bit snippy and a bit brusque. Not all absolutely, but I think it happens.
And it's not acceptable under any circumstances. I have heard midwives speak to pregnant women and women in labour like they would never, ever speak to them in any other circumstances, because at that time, they have that power, and the women are at a vulnerable point.
Yes, I understand that sometimes, they need to be stern, in order to give the women that authority, that absolute confidence in the midwives instruction.
Sometimes, however, some go outside that boundary.
Hettie is right, you will find that wherever you go, but I guess less so when private.
However, whether you are stressed or not (and the extreme worry and stress of pregnancy and birth makes you more likely to be), the midwives should be aware of that and sensitive to it.
You may be one in a long line for them, but that is the job they have chosen to do, the job they are paid to do, and you should not accept someone treating you badly or rudely
You would not accept it for any other service you were paying for
(incidentally, I don't think it's acceptable on the NHS either)