the truth about giving birth

[Amumsim]

Hello mums and mums to be.
I have been compiling MY "truth about giving birth" and I'd love to hear yours, the most memorable things, the things you were never told or the things you've found no one talks about.
Mine is on my blog which I'm not allowed to link to here but you can find me on the Mumsnet Bloggers Network - a mum's internal monologue.
I'd love to hear yours, whether on my blog or here! In the spirit of sharing I'm open to any questions! It's time the truth was told x

I did my story on here the day after I came out of hospital (unashamed link :) ) www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/a1479718-Ive-had-a-baby-happy-but-very-long-graphic-and-extremely-tmi and I plan to revise it, adding as many more detais as I can remember, for m little girl to read when she's older.

Thinking back, here were so many things I wasn't told: that I had to keep an eye on how much my baby drank, that I'd haemorrhage all over the floor when I got out of bed the next day (and I'd already lost 2 pints of blood!), that I shouldn't carry on as normal after my caesarian (I did and I'm better for it - I was out of bed the next morning, as soon as my drips were removed), that I could discharge myself (was made to stay in hospital for observation because I refused a blood transfusion but I knew I didn't need one and was only allowed out because I was making a fuss).

Saying all that, I can't wait until I have my next baby!

phan why on earth did you hemorage>?

its one of my greatest fears

elizaregina, it was just postpartum trauma I think. It was a shock though - I thought I'd wet myself until I looked down. I took two steps away and it happened again. I had to lean over the bed until the nurse (who was sitting at the other end of the ward) bothered to come over to see why I was calling her.

Blimey, that's a birth story and a half! I think that's why I was so determined to have as little intervention as possible, so that no one mucks it up. Not that you can always do anything about it if you need it of course!
Well done (mostly on wanting to do it again!) x

elizaregina, it is perfectly normal the first time you get up after having a baby to have a big gush of blood. It is one of the things I always tell any first time friends-don't panic if you have blood running down your legs when you get up!
But obvs if you don't know this you panic and get a real fright! With DS2 I had him overnight, when auxiliary came in at half seven I asked if I could go for a shower. I got up and she held the sheet like a massive nappy whilst I shuffled off to the shower...twas not glamorous! But also perfectly normal.
It is definitely recommended to "carry on as normal" following any abdominal surgery. Getting up and about post surgery reduces the risk of many complications post-op.

I remember after giving birth to DC1 and having been stitched up after quite a bad tear they told me to go to the wet room and shower. It was like a scene from a horror film. There was blood everywhere and all the midwives said was "It's normal". I almost cried. Be prepared for a lot of blood.

Maternity towels don't contain it all. Every time I got up to go somewhere on the maternity ward the sheets would need to be changed. I remember being embarrassed despite having to sit on a rubber ring.

Your milk comes in properly when you least expect it. I woke up one day as Dolly Parton and a few hours later with a leak all down my front in public!

You may poo. Even if you don't think you did, you probably did and the midwives just cleaned it up fast without making a scene.

Every birth really is different. With my first I was sat on a rubber ring and walking like John Wayne for a fortnight. After DD2 I was doing all of the housework and cleaning the skirting boards within 30 hours.

Most definitely the poo ... no-one ever warns you

that the second you walk into the labour ward your birth plan goes out of the window! i don't know if it's the same in every hospital but it seems to me that the midwifes just take over and make decisions that beforehand you were led to believe were up to you. but also at the same time you don't mind because you just want that baby out!!!

That it can be brutal, you can never fully prepare for it, and post natal care is poor.

Mine was that childbirth was surprisingly enjoyable.

Knackering, for sure, for the first like a marathon (23 hour labour) for the second like a sprint (2.5 hour labour), but all in all really lovely.

Of all the things I won't be going through again (pg, childbirth, small baby days) it is only childbirth that I feel a slight pang about.

That there is a thing called 'linking pains' during labour which means you never get a break from the pain. On the positive side I think they are more likely to happen in fast labours.

That after the bleeding has calmed down, you may have a blood clot come out; it was a weird feeling, exactly like being a pinball machine and something the size of an egg rattled out of me.

bellarose2011 - That's a shame you had that experience. Not all hospitals and midwives are like that by any means. My birth plan was respected to the letter and my midwife was very careful to honour the things I'd said were important. I'm sorry that happened to you

For me the truth about birth that no one bloody tells you about, is those god-awful afterpains, and just how shit you feel in the days after giving birth. I felt as if I'd been run over - I ached everywhere. I was absolutely NOT prepared for how fucking terrible I'd feel after giving birth. I was given to believe I'd be all "high" on hormones and glowing and feeing like I could climb a mountain. Er, NO. I felt rougher than a badger's arse and that's saying something. I'd had a very straightforward, natural water birth, but Jesus H. I felt B.A.D.

Ooh linking pains. I'm not sure if that's what I had with my first or if it was different because she was back to back. Either way I didn't get a break with pain. My second labour was only four hours from first pain to out but I got a break.

That glow? It's elusive to me. I didn't glow during pregnancy or after :(

What surprised me the most was the pain - I knew it was going to hurt, but I wasn't at all prepared for the intensity of it - and how ineffective pain relief was for me.

Afterpains (as your uterus goes back to original size). No one told me about them - and after DC4 they were horrific.

And yes, after DC1 I did feel there had been a conspiracy of silence - I wish someone had maybe scared me a bit and given me the cold hard truths re the level of potential pain. I was very young - had never been ill or broken a bone - and genuinely thought something was badly wrong.

The fact that you feel like the baby is coming out of your bum

No one told me about that.

YY to afterpains. They get worse the more you have. I was horribly shocked after DC2. I wasnt expecting them.
By DC5 I was prepared and had codine at the ready.
OH was used to them too and knew that I might be crying out when doing night feeds for the first week.

If you bleed for 10 days with one baby it doesnt mean you wont bleed for 6 weeks with another.

That you can be left with permanent physical problems as a result of childbirth. I thought that even bad childbirth experiences would eventually heal both physically and emotionally. Most do I know, but mine won't. I am still a regular at hospital 20 months on.

It is a horrible feeling to think that you would not have had a child if you had known what would happen. And no-one tells you that you might feel like that.

-That just because your contractions begin 5 mins (not every 15 like the books say) apart doesn't mean your labour will be done and dusted by teatime- mine lasted 32 hours.

• You bleed like never before afterwards- big black knickers and dark coloured trousers for at least 3 weeks after giving birth- and ALWAYS double pad.
• That my back would be fucked for 6 weeks after giving birth and I would hobble everywhere.
• That you will be terrified of going for a shit after giving birth in case you split back open- I didn't go for a week and had to eat a hot curry so that it would come out in almost liquid form.

-That gas and air can make you hurl so don't eat pie and chips before hand.

• That you will still be weraing your maternity clothes for months after giving birth due to your jelly belly and that you feel like a minger because none of your "skinny" per pregnancy clothes fit you and your maternity stuff makes you feel like a frump.

I'm sure there's tons more.

i must have got lucky as i never really ahd afterpains with any of my 5, mild cramps, some that made me wince a bit, ie the ones where i was bfeeding but nothing that couldnt be managed by a couple of paracetamol!

but YES to feeling like baby is coming out of your bum, i swear i thought i was going to split down the middle!

lots of bad stuff here, i was obviously luck as tho it WAS excruciating by the time it got to the omg i am going to die it was nearly over!

but in each and every labour there was a point where i looked dp/midwife in the eyes and said "thats it i am going home now, i have changed my mind, i dont want to do this anymore" again normally a sign i was nearing transition.

oh and after childbirth yes you will be sore in the places you expect, but i also had an achey jaw from biting on the gas and air tube so hard! and my arms really ached from gripping onto dp or the side/end of the bed. didnt notice at the tiem but i was obviously really working those arm muscles!

That your fanny will feel like those pictures of people's faces who have been mugged, all swollen and misshapen and that 'jelly belly' doesn't refer to a bit of fat post pregnancy but the feeling that your insides will fall out in the days after the birth. Don't expect to fall in the love with the baby straight away, my first thought was 'it can't be my baby, it's too big'. That you will need to have some time with NO visitors, just someone who will do everything round the house for a bit. My wonderful DB came to visit a week after DD1 was born, my Mum was staying with us doing all the cooking, housework etc but I was such a sleep deprived emotional wreck the night before he came I was in tears because I couldn't cope with the idea of having to have a conversation with him.

Breast feeding was really painful which was totally unexpected. I knew childbirth would be bad but I had never realised breast feeding would be the difficult part. It's not been much easier the second time round either.
A positive thing which was unexpected during labour, was not giving a shit that my dignity had disappeared out the window, you just get on with it.

That terribly vulnerable feeling you have for a few weeks afterwards.

I had easy homebirths with DC4 & 5 but still felt wobbly about going out on my own or driving with the babies in the car.

I am not precious and am up and doing the school run, housework etc quickly after giving birth but I do feel strongly that women should be 'looked after' a bit after having a baby.

I think the whole 'its not an illness, its totally natural, women have been doing it for years' has swung a bit far.

New mums (specially first time ones) should be nurtured. Its not a weakness to be kind to a new mother and it wont 'spoil' them.

the overall responsibility of this new person is quite overwhelming.. i agree about feeling vulnerable too.
the birth its self was surprisingly painless, 14hrs, so very managable dispite the nerves, i did not get afterpains, & breastfeeding was great, so easy.
I had a 2nd child at home which was pretty similar but i was more relaxed & i think this made it far more enjoyable..

i agree with mrsdevere that whilst its great to get on with life, do take things at your own pace, there isa bit of a rush now i think to 'get back to normal' and an emphasis on mums just getting on and getting their figure back etc. i agree new mums need to be looked after.

oh and my top tip, do NOT look at your nether regions, i had an episiotomy with ds1 and for some reason thought it would be a good idea to use a mirror to have a look down below! omg if was like something from a horror film! it will return to normal, do NOT look, you do NOT need that image implanted in your brain forever more!

I didn't get afterpains - I also didn't feel the 'ring of fire' as baby came out.

But I did have constant pains. All that stuff about 'when the contractions are x minutes apart, it's time to go in'. Mine started off about 15 minutes apart, suddenly ramped up to 3 minutes apart (cue super fast drive to MLU), slowed down to 5 minutes once I was in the pool for an hour, then for the next THREE HOURS I didn't get a break from the pain. Constant contractions, but not in my bump. In my legs and my pelvis.

No one told me it would feel like my pelvis was about to snap in half, and that my thigh bones felt like they would shatter from the pain at any minute.

Also, felt like I needed a poo the whole time. I actually did one about 7 hours before birth, and did a tiny one in the pool.