Home birth/Doula experiences please

[Dorisday13]

Hi everyone, I'm a ftm, planning a water birth at home, and I'm concerned mainly with trying to achieve maximum relaxation and a stress-free as possible birth for both my husband and myself.
My concerns are that I'll be worrying about hubby and he'll be worrying about me and I really don't want him to freak out on me.

So I'm debating to hire a doula, my thinking is a reassuring helpful person will help DH and I concentrate on each other and calm any nerves etc. but on the other hand will having someone else there inhibit relaxation?

I'd love to hear other people's experiences...

Thanks for reading :-)

I had a doula for my second, and wish I had done so for my first.

I had a long first labour, both DH and I were exhausted and overwhelmed. We were in a busy hospital, so also got little support from the midwives as I was considered in 'early' labour (but contractions were frequent and hard).

I think supporting a labouring woman is often quite simply a two man job. And, with the best will in the world, midwives may be too busy (in a hospital), not there yet (at a homebirth) or focusing on other medical aspects (at either) to give that extra support. I think a doula would also have been great if I had had to transfer in, to help ease that transition.

Having a doula second time (for a home birth) allowed DH to focus on supporting me. She was great at all the organising (birth pool, etc), she was really practical with ideas for coping when things stepped up a notch and she really helped DH be the best birth partner possible.

I'm a second time mum. Also planning a home water birth. We've hired a doula for exactly the reasons you describe

Thank you so much for replying, it's really great to hear about other peoples experiences

did you ever feel uncomfortable having another person there in your home?

Also can I be cheeky and ask how much you paid/are paying? Eek

Also are you using nhs midwives? Sorry ftm and full of questions!!

Can't remember what I paid to be honest. It was 12 months ago. Yes, we had NHS midwives. Private would have been well outside our budget.

If you feel uncomfortable having the doula in your house, she is not the right doula for you. Honestly, when I met ours I felt like I had already known her for years. She also did a number of ante natal prep sessions once we hired her, so we both knew her by the time the birth came.

I do quite often feel uncomfy having strangers in my house, but a doula isn't a stranger, or at least she shouldn't be by the time of the birth. I've spoken to mine on the phone a fair bit, emailed loads and we are having 2 more meetings with her in the later weeks of pregnancy. W both felt instantly comfortable with her, which is why we hired her.

We're paying £200. We negotiated this price. We live in Central London, so this is actually a really GOOD price (often doulas cost up to £900 in London).

Yes, we are using NHS midwives. I'm with the local caseload team of 6 midwives and will have had a chance to meet all of them before the birth. They are wonderful.

We hired a doula for my first. We got on really well when we first met, she really seemed to understand why I felt I needed a doula and what role I needed her to play in the birth. We arranged more meetings and as she was also a trained prenatal massage therapist, I took full advantage of this!

The problems only seemed to present themselves after a few meetings. I would just want a chat, but she seemed to feel the need to solve my problems - not that I really had any, just had a bit of a moan every now and then. She was just the type of person that if you said 'oh, I got caught out in the rain the other day and got absolutely soaked', she would have to answer with a solution, so 'well what I always do is keep a mac in the boot of my car and an umbrella just in case, you should check the forecast next time'... that kind of thing (iykwim). Don't get me wrong, she was a lovely person but I just don't think we matched.

I tried to put my feelings about her to the back of mind as I really wanted a doula at my birth and as I said, she was a nice person who knew what she was doing wrt birth. But the day I went into labour, my DH went to call her and I found myself stopping him and decided right at that very minute that I didn't want her there.

So, all I would say, is think about it carefully and see a few doula's, really get to know them to know whether you and your DH will feel comfortable having them in your house.

I had a doula for my homebirth with dc2 and I would definitely recommend having one.

I had quite a fast labour with dc1 and wasn't treated very nicely in hospital so I felt that I needed someone there who would just keep things calm and stand up for me if necessary. I also wanted to be sure that there would be someone to keep ds entertained until my friend arrived to collect him if it had happened in the day.

As it happened I went into labour just before ds's bedtime and my doula arrived within about 15 minutes of my call. As soon as she arrived all the stress of the situation disappeared as dh could just concentrate on getting ds bathed and in bed while she stayed with me. When ds was in bed the mw arrived and things really sped up, the doula seemed to just blend into the background but actually she was running round fetching things, making cups of tea and checking on ds etc whilst giving dh loads of support to help him support me.

We paid her £350 and it was money well spent! My previously very sceptical dh now raves about how wonderful doulas are and if we were to have a third we would definitely have a doula again.

I had a doula for my 2nd and 3rd babies. No. 2 was a HB and no. 3 was an attempted HB that need a transfer as there was mec. in waters. The doula came with us to the hospital (well she went with DH and I went with the MW in the ambulance as it wasn't an emergency).

She has since retired so we have found another doula as there is no way I'd have enough baby without a doula!! This doula is a student so is working for nothing but she is fabulous and I can see she is going to be a great help in labour.

I did interview another doula and we just didn't click so I didn't pursue working with her.

No doula just a fab community midwife.

Thank you so much for your replies, I have met one lady but her fees are £600 which is pushing it to be honest, we are also using nhs midwives, I'm totally undecided and sway between I'm sure I'd like to hire a doula vs I'd quite like just to quietly get on with labour on my own...
Confused, funny it really isn't in my personality to be indecisive

I would suggest you meet a couple more doulas, even if you really liked your first one tbh.
I know a lot of doulas (through being one!) and although they are all lovely, I wouldn't want to take a lucky dip for which one I would have with me in labour, it's really important that you click on a personal level. It doesn't/shouldn't matter so much what her personal ethos is (her opinions don't matter and shouldn't affect her work, she is there to support your choices) but it is important that you feel comfortable with her. I've heard it described as her "energy", but it's really about her manner, how she approaches issues, how she speaks to you, her body language. Some doulas are motherly, some more sisterly, some more clinical/professional and some more crunchy/guruish, plus plenty others. Some women feel they need someone a bit more "stern" taking control, some just need a shadow on the sidelines and a reassuring look.
The doulas I would have myself are generally like me, but more chilled! They are people who make me feel calm and safe just by being around.

Thank you I think you're right, if we decide to hire a doula I think we'll definitely meet a couple more, actually I think hubby will be great and the community midwives I've met have all been lovely and pro home birth too, hubby is currently reading ina may gaskins book and I know we'll be just fine together x

Doulas for all 3 of my (hospital) births. DC3 was meant to be a home birth but she came 4 weeks early, so wasn't. The doulas (2 different ones because we moved area before DC3) were fab. Not intrusive at all, and DH found them a great support - they will step in and do extra support jobs (like making tea etc.) leaving him free to concentrate on me and baby.

Definitely agree with meeting some and seeing who 'clicks' with both you and DP.