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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Sex after episiotomy & 2nd degree tear?

11 replies

Cosmo89 · 09/07/2012 00:27

Epi and tear occurrd 2 weeks ago during Ds birth.
When will sex be possible again? Is there anything I can do to make sure it's the same? V worried about the effect of birth on out sex life so all advice welcome!

OP posts:
Metalhead · 09/07/2012 08:47

We first tried after 9 weeks - still painful so we stopped. Took 6 months to be back to normal, but I think I had it quite bad... still, it's not unusual to take that long so don't rush things if it doesn't feel right.

NarcolepsyQueen · 09/07/2012 09:04

It depends on how well you have been stitched in my experience. It took over 6 months with my first, and 4 weeks with my second. When you feel up to it, try. If it hurts, wait another week and try again etc. It honestly didn't hurt at all after my second, and felt the same as before (although a bit less sensation, and harder to orgasm for a while). If you are BF, you can be a little dry, so use some lubricant.

worldgonecrazy · 09/07/2012 09:09

It took us about 4 months to try. We used plenty of lube and I 'warmed up' with a toy at my own pace so that I knew DH would be able to fit in. To be honest, the first time it felt a bit clinical, sort of just checking that everything worked, but before long we were back in the proverbial saddle. Don't feel rushed - the first months are tiring enough without worrying about being a sex goddess again.

strawberrypenguin · 09/07/2012 10:03

About 4 months for us - we used a lot of lube and it does help.

GingerDoodle · 09/07/2012 13:38

I'm pregnant with our first but I know a fair few women who have been 'back in the saddle' 7 - 10 weeks after birth. I am hoping to be in that camp!

Original poster
Cosmo89 · 09/07/2012 18:07

Thanks all
I think I'm feeling a little wibbly about how much our relationship has just changed and want that closeness ASAP.
4-6 months seems a long time but better to take time I guess!

OP posts:
Pastabee · 09/07/2012 18:57

Hi cosmo. I had exactly the same injuries as you. We tried after 6 weeks. It wasn't agony but it hurt and felt tight. We left it another 4 weeks and it was fine. If you'll excuse the phrase we found other ways to enjoy ourselves in the meantime.

I think if it does hurt leave it a good while otherwise I think you will either expect it to hurt / place too much pressure on yourself for it to be ok iyswim? You can still have that closeness and enjoy yourselves without actual sex if needs be. I found that really helpful anyway as I needed to know I still 'worked' after everything that had happened at the birth.

Chunkychicken · 09/07/2012 20:36

I didn't have an episiotomy but did have an internal tear. I don't think we tried for 6-8 wks as I has a minor infection & was still bleeding a little. However, once that has been treated with antibiotics, we tried & it was a little uncomfortable, but lube & taking it slow helped.

To be honest, although I look a bit different down there, I don't think it feels any different (although I did have to see an gynae because of this weird deep internal pain/discomfort not long after my DD's birth, but think that was a grumbling appendix, because after that was dealt with, the pain stopped!! Confused). My DD is now 2yo & I'm 21wks pg with #2 so it seems like a long time ago now, & obviously didn't 'slow us down'... Grin

Glabella · 12/07/2012 11:43

I had almost the same injuries as you cosmo, tear slightly worse as borderline 3rd degree. I healed really quickly, had a repair in theatre so they did a really good job. We had sex again at 3 weeks, it was fine, not fantastic but I wanted reassurance that down there was not destroyed forever! We just took it really slow and kept trying once a week or so, and it got easier and less uncomfortable as time went on. We were back to normal at about 5 months, and now at 9 months I just have an occasional pain from my massive scar if dh gets carried away and it gets hit at the wrong angle. (sorry TMI Blush)

monkeybump · 13/07/2012 17:05

I had 2nd degree episiotomy & tear, took 3 months to even think about it.. Def uncomfortable at first, we took it very very slowly (think I was more paranoid dh would be getting flashbacks to my chopped up bits!!).
Every time got easier, but definitely wasn't normal until at least 8 months.
I'm also now pg with dc2 so yep, didn't put us off either Grin

TheGrandOldDuke · 15/07/2012 19:56

We tried several times from about 3 months onwards but it was too painful. Eventually managed after 10 months. Ater that quickly got back to normal.

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