Worried I can't do it again after Midwife said this...

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I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. Hospital really failed me when I had my first as they refused to believe my waters had gone, kept telling me to 'calm down and stop being silly' and that I was having 'little pains'. I was half way dilated and having horrific prostin pains. They wouldn't let DH stay at this point and I was very distressed. A midwife examined me and said 'yuck, you've got some kind of disgusting infection. There's loads of green discharge'. It was my waters. Clumps of blood were also coming out and they just kept dismissing it. I had a very progressive labour and he came out turned the wrong way and I got a 2nd degree tear. I know that's not the worst birth in the world and others have REALLY bad births.

My second pregnancy was difficult as I had PND and I couldn't have my ADs. Baby had some problems in the womb and i ended up having a section. I had planned to have a home birth so i found this difficult, but as long as baby was healthy I was happy. However, I was extremely depressed after the birth and struggling to breast feed. My midwife said the following: 'you're not going to have any further pregnancies are you? I think it's best if you make this your last'.

Those words have really stayed with me. I would like to have another (not right now but maybe in a couple of years) and I don't want to get it into my head that i really want another if my body is just not cut out for it.

I have very bad abdominal separation which i intend to have surgery to fix at some point. I am quite overweight since having my children and this is something I need to combat before I decide to have further children.

I know there's no easy answer but it is wrong for me to have another child?

Of course not, as long as your children are not neglected (and from that post I wouldn't think they were) then only you and your DH have the right to make this decision.

Well DC2 had an irregular heartbeat which was fine as soon as she was born. I had too much water as my body was trying to look after baby a bit extra due to her heart and I had SPD (on crutches) and baby was meant to be big so needed to come early, but she wasn't actually that big. Also, one midwife told me that DC2 probably ha Downs because her tummy was enlarged on the scan, when in actual fact she'd just swallowed a bit of water with there being so much. She was perfectly healthy when born so no problems for baby really. I had ADs when breastfeeding, but they refused to let me have any during pregnancy which was weird. We're a while away from the next hospital and i feel that I'd like to have a VBAC next time.

I should probaby proof read in future :D

It is not just about giving birth and the immediate postnatal period. It is about a lifetime and if you feel that you want to bring up another child then it is up to you and your dp, not anyone else.

The midwife has no right to be so judgemental and downright cruel.
It is in no way wrong to have another child based on what one person (who probably doesn't really know you) says.

If you do go for it, you would have a 90% chance of having a vbac having also had a normal birth. If all goes well this could be a healing experience for you.

All the best in your decision. I have three, it works really well for us.

Ok, I have had 5 babies!!!

My first pregnancy text book great labour
2 nd baby horrendous depression, anxiety just awful, practically house bound from panic attacks!! Didn't actually know that it was depression thought I was going mad!! Had a horrible pregnancy I had gestational diabetes and suction delivery!!!
Pnd was terrible after having my dd, and I was told loads of times "I hope your not having anymore!!"
I has since been on anti deppresents and they changed my life!! So much so we went on to have dc and I felt fantastic (stayed on ad's) although she was prem!! Waters went at 34 weeks and they also didn't believe me till I got a infection!!! No pnd enjoyed every minute of it, so much so I fell pregnant 3 months later with twins!!

Please see help for your depression, and omg I can't believe the midwife said"yuck" how you didn't kick her in the head I don't know!!

Unless there is some medical reason by to have another baby, let your partner and you decided on dc3 no one else

P.s I also have abdominal seperation!! In the hospital I had loads of doctors all looking at as it was so weird and thu said it was very bad!! And exercise should sort it!! I had it with dc3 too

It's entirely up to you what you choose to do. So that you get better care it might be worth looking at the options around private midwives / doulas so that you are listened to and properly cared for next time. If you are not planning to have another baby for a while it would at least give you a chance to save. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

Re the abdominal separation, do you defo need surgery? DS was 11lbs and I also had a huge amount of water and with me bring short, that meant a huge bump. Had bad separation after him and had to wear tubal ligation for months and felt my back was very weak. Physio recommended Pilates which I've been doing ever since and 2 years on I just had DD and to my amazement, stomach muscles are perfect. Physion came to see me after having her and said it was due to her being smaller (9lbs) and the Pilates and to defo keep it up.

I would suggest a second opinion. Can you get someone to go through your notes with you and explain if there is anything in there you should be concerned about? Then maybe get a doctor's appointment and talk through your concerns. I certainly wouldn't make any life altering decisions based on a passing comment from one midwife, she may well have been offering her personal opinion rather than a professional assessment.
When I was 28 weeks with DC2 a midwife (and not even my midwife, I was the doula at the birth she was attending) told me I would have to have a third, as mine are both boys, and I obviously needed to try for a girl. I shan't be taking her opinion into account when considering DC3