Unsure whether or not to take action about something that happened...

[Enfyshedd]

Please excuse the unloading here, but I've been mulling this over for weeks and I want the opinion of unbiased third parties.

My beautiful little daughter was born nearly 5 weeks ago, but didn't have the easiest of of welcomes to the world - short version, cord wrapped around neck twice, she didn't start breathing straight away and I didn't get to see her for 4 hours after birth because she was rushed to neonatal. So far, so normal (as far as an emergency goes). As part of the treatment, they arranged to transfer DD to another hospital 50 miles away for specialist treatment while they made sure she was ok.

The next afternoon while I was in the NICU unit in the second hospital, the nurse looking after DD came over and told me that they'd had a call from my father (who I haven't spoken to in over 11 years). As hospital policy is to not give any information to anyone who isn't a parent over the phone, they declined to even confirm if DD was a patient and my father apparently became abusive over the phone and threatened to make a complaint to the LHA. As I'm sure you can appreciate, this was a totally unnecessary and unwanted source of stress at a time when I was feeling extremely worried and vulnerable.

To begin with, we thought that a family member had informed my father of DD's birth & transfer, which at the time of the phonecall was a very small group of people (in single figures). A week later, I was told by another family member that my father had said he was sent an email by someone giving him DD's name, DoB and informing him that DD had been transferred to the second hospital for treatment. He then called another family member to confirm the news of the birth. When asked who'd sent him the email, he refused to name the person on the grounds that "they'd get into trouble". Cryptic, I know, but we know that my father is retired from the fire service (so knows plenty of people in the emergency services) and used to volunteer as a driver for our local hospital where DD was born. All this leads us to believe that the person who informed my father of DD's birth was a member of staff at our local hospital or possibly the ambulance driver who transferred DD to the second hospital.

And so to my dilemma. IF a member of staff at informed my father of DD's birth, they have breached patient confidentiality re. both me and DD - an act of gross misconduct which could (should) lead to dismissal. They could also have passed on my address and other details to my father whom I have had no contact with for over a decade nor wish to re-establish contact with at any time. I was in the hospital for about 12 hours, 3 wards are involved (antenatal observation, labour ward & neonatal), and I think there were 2 shift changes while I was admitted. Potentially, there are dozens of people who could have passed the information on. I want to make a complaint to the hospital, but I don't have a name and I can't prove that it was a member of staff even though that seems to be the only possible source.

What should I do?

Thanks for reading.

You can't make a complaint when you don't know for sure that it was a hospital employee. To me it's far more likely to be a family member.

Congratulations on your daughter!
That sounds awfully stressful at an already stressful time!
Are you 100% sure that no-one in the family gave the details to your father? If so, then I think you do need to make a formal complaint to the hospital. Not sure where you would start with this without the details of the guilty party, but surely there would be a formal investigation into the issue if you made a formal complaint?
Hopefully someone might be along to advise on who best to contact at the hospital.

I agree with lee I think it is far more likely to be a member of the family doing the 'he has a right to know' routine even though he doesn't if you don't have contact.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter and i'm sorry you have this additional stress to deal with.

You don't know for sure that it was a hospital employee. It could have been a family member, so if it were me, I'd be angry about it, but let it go and concentrate on my new gorgeous DD instead of getting drawn into all of this. Easier said than done, but it's in your hands now what info your DF gets to know, so no worries about more information finding its way to him. Let it drop.

I agree it's far more likely to have got to your father via someone you told.

Even if you only told a very small group, it's exciting (and worrying in your case) news and would have been passed round quickly. Someone who knows your father will have mentioned it either thinking that he should know or that he already did. Probably wasn't one of your "small group" but someone they told IYSWIM

Even if someone at the hospital was passing information, I can't imagine they'd be stupid enough to do it by email.

At the point where my father called the hospital, the only people who knew I'd given birth were, my DM & her partner, my DP's DM (DP has never met or spoken to my father - even less chance of a member of his family as they're from over 200 miles away), my maternal uncle & aunt (DM called them - their opinion of my father is not repeatable in polite company), DM's boss (because DM asked for the day off to come to the second hospital - she has a daughter with cerebral palsy so was very supportive to DM that week. She doesn't know who my father is) and my DM's father & step mum.

DM's father & step mum are the only people in this circle who speak to my father (long, bizarre story), but they didn't know the hospital I'd been transferred to. DM's step mum didn't think anything at the time by my father calling, but she's confirmed that he called them and this has also been confirmed by my cousin who was told about the email. It's also my father's refusal to name the person who sent him the email because "they'll get into serious trouble" - apparently he used that phrase several times when asked about it.

I can't say that I recognised anyone involved in my care or even at the hospital while I was in labour (then again, I had my eyes screwed shut in pain and was high on pain relief for most of the 7 hours I was in labour, then in shock for the rest of the time before I was discharged for transfer) but if they know my father and know my name, who would have been able to put 2 & 2 for the connection very easily (not a common first name or family name and I was within a week of my due date). Also, if it were someone from the hospital, I doubt they were stupid enough to email him directly from the hospital, so I doubt that any investigation could lead to action anyway.

It just makes me so angry that that nasty piece of s**t that I have to refer to as my father can be such an a-hole to threaten and verbally abuse the people who were taking care of my DD at such a frightening time.

This is easier said than done I know but I would let it go.

The thought of your father is making you angry. If you do put in a complaint it will have to be investigated and you only have to relive the thoughts of your father as you will have to answer questions to help with your complaint.

Concentrate on your new family.

I would make a complaint, and the hospital can investiagte it. isn't it illegal what you father did as well i.e asking a friend to email them confidential information. I would make the complaint simply because this sort of behaviour is out of line. What if next time they give out information to an abusive ex, or something. If it was not anyone at the hospital then the hospital will see this.
If you were at the hospital they might not have needed to see you to find out about you, it is possible he could just have asked someone to look your notes up. If that si the case it should be fairly easy to see who looked up your file.