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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

So what do I do about looking after dd when I am in labour?

38 replies

handlemecarefully · 08/12/2003 14:35

Mum lives 300 miles away so can't be there quick smart when I go into labour. Seems daft to get her down a few days prior to due date when I could be up to 2 weeks late.

What on earth do other people do?

(Can't really ask local friends since most have children of their own)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

musica · 08/12/2003 17:11

Georgina - if the baby comes at night, can't you just let your ds sleep through if you're planning a home birth anyway?

GeorginaA · 08/12/2003 17:14

I can, but it worries me that if there's an emergency and I do have to be rushed to hospital that I'd have to go on my own, leaving dh behind to look after ds I think that would actually be rather scary. Also, I have this fear that I'll be really loud and ds will wake up and be terrified!!

You're right though, I'm probably worrying about nothing!

Jimjams · 08/12/2003 19:47

I had this with ds2. I arranged for my aunt and my best friend (who had a child ds1's age) to be on standby. BF had her mobile on all the time. In the end it was an elective section so MIL came over.

twiglett · 08/12/2003 21:38

message withdrawn

Ghosty · 08/12/2003 22:08

This thread is making me smile and also is ringing some bells for me!!!
My parents and family live 12000 miles away ... um, that is a 24 - 36 hour journey involving 2 long haul flights ...
Judging by my last labour my parents could be with me on time but obviously that ain't gonna happen!!
I have been in NZ for 19 months so I don't have the hugest circle of friends but I have a couple of friends who I see a lot of and an incredibly lovely neighbour.
So ... I just went ahead and asked them ... I thought that they could easily say 'no' if they wanted to ....
I have put them all on standby ... depending on what day of the week and time of day I go into labour (ie ... neighbour if in the middle of the night, teetotal friend if at the weekend etc)
Nearer the time (7 weeks to go) I will get them all together for coffee and they can all exchange phone numbers so that DS can be handed over if it turns out that DH is in for a long haul for me.

HMC and all who have this dilemma ... I just think you should think about who you know, who you like, who your child gets on with and ask ... they can only say no. All my friends have children ... I don't see why that should be a problem - in fact it is a bonus as your child will have an adventure ...

I looked after my friend's little boy when she had her baby (she is one of the ones on the list) and her DS was really excited about my DS staying the night with him and staying with him all day ... we had a lovely time and it was the very first time my friend had EVER left her DS with anyone ... he was FINE and not traumatised at all!!!!

LOL at your mum Futurity ... when I first got pregnant and thought about this dilemma I said to DH that perhaps he should look after DS and I should do it on my own - He looked at me as if I was mad and told me to get a grip

So ... what I am saying is that while I understand your dilemma (as I am in the same boat) I wouldn't worry about it ... most people would be happy to help and I am sure would be touched that you trusted them enough to ask ...

HTH ...

madgirl · 08/12/2003 22:37

ghosty rofl at your dh telling you to get a grip. sari, wish i'd known you then at least you might have had an emergency standby if your mum's car had broken down! just watched body shock on channel 4 and glad i found this thread to make me laugh!

CountessDracula · 08/12/2003 23:07

hmc do you live near Winchester? My mum might be able to help if you do!

Original poster

handlemecarefully · 09/12/2003 08:16

CountessDracula

Yes I do live near to Winchester (and in fact will be delivering there) - what a sweet offer, but don't trouble your mum, I guess I know what I must do now....

Thanks for all the replies...Emboldened by everybodies advice I am going to swallow the customary British reserve and ask a couple of people a favour!!! I shall ask my neighbour if she is prepared to 'sleep in' if I go into labour overnight (it won't be a homebirth - its a hospital delivery), and I will arrange for one of my friends to 'relieve' the neighbour in the morning. Hopefully by mid afternoon the following day my parents would have arrived....
I guess its simple really, I was just felt a bit awkward about relying / imposing on others. But like you guys say, most people are quite flattered to be asked. So I'll bite the bullet and will ask!

Futurity - I can't believe your mum!!!! I guess I'm lucky that mines prepared to help (although it wil take her a while and much flapping to get down here)

OP posts:

motherinferior · 09/12/2003 08:56

Georgina, I too had a home birth but didn't want my dd around - and in fact she'd have come home from her childminder and needed bathing and putting to bed and of course wouldn't have gone and would have got very perplexed by the whole thing, doesn't bear thinking about; I too asked various friends, and also checked with her childminder to see if she could stay overnight there if I went into labour during the week and not when CM was on holiday (which was happening, er, on my due date). So in the event it worked out quite smoothly - I went into labour early, dd1 stayed overnight and came back the next morning to meet her new sister.

But boy was I worried about it in advance. Nearly bopped the midwife when she told me to relax and stop fretting in my last precious days of pregnancy

bundle · 09/12/2003 10:32

having delivered 2nd dd in April, I would advise that you make the whole process as predictable as possible (with added plan b, c etc) so your first child has at least an idea of what's happening. Because I was nearly 2 weeks over dates and had a previous c/s I was due to be induced on a day my dd was in nursery and we told her the baby would be born that day. we arranged for a friend with a toddler a similar age (& a younger sibling - the mum didn't mind, honest!)_to pick up our dd and rather than dh pick her up after dd2 was born (around 3pm, but c/s under a general anaesthetic so I wasn't really with it for hours..) dd1 stayed over for the night & dh picked her up in the morning, ready for nursery and they both came over to see me & dd2 that evening. good luck and don't forget the plan b (we had another friend on standby..all our relatives happened to be away on holiday as it was over easter)

GeorginaA · 09/12/2003 11:12

Thank you for all the advice and the stories Like hmc it looks like I'm going to just have to gather some courage and start asking around

Bozza · 10/12/2003 10:09

I've thought about this already and got a plan. I have two neighbours who have offered help. One will be nearing the end of her maternity leave so will have DS's bosom buddy and a five month old and the other works only two afternoon/evenings a week with a nearly one year old. My MIL is 1 hour away and my Mum 1.5 hours away. So I will ask one of the neighbour's to take DS and then ring either Mum or MIL to collect DS from there. If it is evening/nighttime I think I will let DS stay over the night with my neighbour and then be collected in the morning if necessary.

Bozza · 10/12/2003 10:10

If DS is at nursery Mum/MIL may be able to pick him up straight from there. But due date is Sunday and nursery is Tues-Thurs.

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