So what do I do about looking after dd when I am in labour?

[handlemecarefully]

Mum lives 300 miles away so can't be there quick smart when I go into labour. Seems daft to get her down a few days prior to due date when I could be up to 2 weeks late.

What on earth do other people do?

(Can't really ask local friends since most have children of their own)

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where abouts are you??

I know exactly what you mean, hmc. We are in the same situation and don't want to impose on anyone. We have a childminder who we may end up calling in the middle of the night (and paying probably) if we end up needing her to watch DD while DH and I go to hospital.

I'm sort of half way between Southampton and Salisbury.

Yes maybe I should ask my friend Jess who has an 18 month dd. My dd seems to quite like Jess...the only thing is what does Jess do with her 18 month old whilst looking after my dd? - if its during the day, her dh will be out at work. I suppose I ought to talk to her about it and we might be able to work through the practicalities....

I worried about this for ages. We had a few possible people lined up but none were ideal. In the end I called my mum who lives 400+ miles away when contractions started at 1am and she was with us by 7am. Just to let you know that it's possible if your mum is prepared to drive (very) fast and you don't have a very quick labour!

Plus it helps if you can go into labour at night time when the roads are clear!

Sari - I'll bear that in mind!

Actually first labour took over 24 hours so might have a bit of time. Mum is a bit feeble though about doing things at short notice - she gets flustered, and the thoughts of driving at night? well crikey you might as well ask her to fly to the moon. I shouldn't be uncharitable - she is 70 and dad is 76 - and older folk are often less 'flexible'

More on the parents - they have to get the thermos flask filled, and polish the hubcaps, then they have to bake a cake to bring with them, check the tire pressures, cancel the milkman...and....ahhhhh I despair!

Funnily enough, I was going to post the same question today!

I've been worrying about this for a while. Mum lives an hour and a half drive away, but is likely to come up with her boyfriend (and I want a home birth in a small house) - this would make me feel really uncomfortable. Even if she didn't, I still find her very stressful and negative at times, and I don't think I'd want her around while I was in labour - it would upset me too much.

MIL and FIL I wouldn't mind, although again having FIL around while I'm in labour makes it that much harder (will feel more self-conscious) and they're 2.5 hours away minimum as it is. We've thought about them coming up, taking ds straight to my SIL (so he can play with his cousins for a couple of days) which makes life easier but I don't really want him being got up in the middle of the night if he's sleeping well, that's unfair!

Having just moved here, there's no-one I really know well enough that I'd feel comfortable to ask to look after ds even for the short time waiting for MIL & FIL to arrive. Obviously, in an emergency then we'd have to bang on a neighbour's door, ask them to babysit then make a run for the hospital, but I'd like better contingency plans than that!

It's all so complicated with the second, isn't it h-me-c?

I agree with having a few neighbours on standby, we kept the spare bed made up just in case. I recently slept on a put-u-up bed in a neighbours lounge as they nippped off to the hospital at 11:00 pm - her eldest dd goes to school with my dd, I got them up and took her to school and dropped her ltttle one at one of her friends before I came to work.

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funny enough, although we don't have any friends/family close by it worked out ok for us. Several people (we normally just say hello and bye-bye))offered even without asking (from work, neighbours). We ended up with several people babysitting for some hours. DH did have a trip from the hospital home to change ds nappy; one friend turned up not knowing we were in hospital. He had never changed a nappy before.

Would have been more difficult for home birth though, having "strangers" walking in and out...

hmc i am in salisbury!

I would ask a range of friends, because then hopefully one will be about. Could you ask a neighbour if they would be willing to come and sleep in your house if you went into labour at night time. Then the little one needn't be disturbed.

I wouldn't worry about asking friends who have babies or children - they will probably be only too happy, and it can be a quid pro quo situation. The friend who looked after ds when dd was born was also looking after 3 of her own, and they had a fab time!

Good luck!

(Incidentally, dd was homebirth, and my friend just took ds out for the morning).

I was really worried about this one. We moved a year ago and I got pregnant a few weeks after, so everyone I knew I hadn't known for long and I was really worried about asking. People very kindly offered to help, several for the day shift and a couple for the night shift. In the end at 38 weeks I had a blood pressure scare so my Mum kindly agreed to come down. DH picked her up from the station (Salisbury!) one evening then the next night I conveniently went into labour.

I have been wondering about this as my parents ..well my Mum..refuses to look after DS when I come to have other baby. They plan to be away next October/November so when I mentioned that that was the time I was hoping to have baby my mum said "Good..we will be away then" (I kid you not!!). DH's parents live nearby and would do it but are already flapping about it..I am not even pregnant yet! Oh..and my Mum also said that my priority should be DS and not me and that I should have the baby on my own without DH there..hmmm!

Georgina A,
How far away is your SIL ? Could she come and get your ds (at a half-civilised hour if you start at night) and then your MIL and FIL could go straight there and come over when phoned ?

hmc,
I had my mum around for at least a fortnight before dd arrived, just in case (she was 10 days late). You can't legislate for every eventuality so it would be worth having someone on standby anyway in case of emergency. Is there anyone who you would be prepared to do the same for ?

I had various friends on standby but in the end things were happening too quickly to get my children to them so we brought them into hospital. They sat in a waiting room at the hospital being entertained by the TV and checked on every now and then by midwives and dh ...

... and if necessary I said to dh to stay with the children and leave me - however, this was the 4th child, and I knew it wouldn't take long, so I was probably a bit blase compared to some.

I worried about this too, in fact worried more about this than the birth itself. In the end i asked a few friends and neighbours who all were fine and glad to help (as i think most people would as it's a one off situation). I made a list of telephone numbers to go on the fridge with an idea of ds1's routine. This worked well, in the end a friend was round in the afternoon that i went into labour. As ds1 was ill she took me to hospital whilst dh stayed at home until my parents could get to our house. In the end my friend and dh were with me when i gave birth and it all worked out fine.

LIZS - she's about 2.5 hours in the opposite direction unfortunately! And she has two kids of her own, so it could potentially be very difficult to come and pick ds up (not least due to the carseat issue - I'm not sure their car is big enough for three carseats if her dh isn't about!)

I think I'm just going to have to hope that things don't progress overly fast and that MIL & FIL can get here in time, and maybe considering a low-tech hospital birth if at night and carrying on with the plan of a home birth if Baby X decides to conveniently arrive in daylight hours

Of course, after 2.5 hours I might be desperate for the drugs anyway....