If you had a traumatic birth how did you decide to ttc again?

[Kaloobear]

Just that really. We want more children but I'm petrified of giving birth again. Also terrified of miscarriage and still birth due to an earlier MC. I would like to have a baby without having to actually have a baby! DH isn't comfortable with adoption and would rather either do it ourselves or not have another DC.

So if you had a traumatic birth what made you decide to ttc again? Did hormones take over and make you forget? Were you scared?

Hormones took over but it was 7 years !!! I had birth counselling before hand . Can you ask your gp to refer you . She went through my birth step by step and it was helpful.

1. Lots of reading on here about my options for next time around.

1. Decided I wanted ELCS, worst case scenario DH and I were prepared to pay the £10-15k privately.

1. V.understanding DH as I was also very afraid of doing "it" and any touching "down there". Lots of conception-friendly lube (pre-seed) really helped.

Once I knew I wouldn't be made to attempt a vaginal birth I could let myself have another child. She's now 3 months old and sleeping soundly at this moment! Oh, and got my ELCS on the NHS after a second opinion. Good luck whatever you decide.

Sorry to hear of your past experiences. I was terrified of giving birth again so took several years to ttc my 2nd LO. In that time I had been a birth partner so had seen a "normal" birth so to speak, it helped me reconcile my traumatic birth in a way. Obviously it's not something everyone gets a chance to do though! I decided I wanted a c-section if I was to have another baby, I discussed this with my GP before ttc and he felt that given the details of my previous birth I would be allowed a c-section. Once pregnant I made it clear to midwife and consultant I was having a section, however I then changed my mind and had an amazing natural water birth! There's always risks with pregnancy and births and no two are the same. Now I'm glad I chose to have another baby and am very thankful for the different experience to first time around, but I had to prepare myself mentally I suppose before ttc. Sorry a bit of a ramble but hope it make sense.

I was certain I would not have another one. Ever. However DS got to about 12 months and I had the urge to have another one. He was such a good baby, slept, ate and was content. So I concieved when he was 18 months and just hoped that it went differently. And it did. Dd was 3 hours of a water labour/birth. It couldnt have been more different. She, however, did not sleep through the night for her first 18 months....and this put me off having a third baby

Hello OP. Sorry to hear that you have had a difficult time.
I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with my 2nd DC. My DD is 4.5. I suffered anxiety, PTSD and PND after her birth. DH and I decided we didn't want DD to be an only child but I realised that I couldn't face another VB. I think I was lucky as my lovely GP referred me to a consultant before I was pregnant for a debrief and to discuss the possibility of a C section. I was referred to a psychiatrist and have been diagnosed with tokophobia therefore I am having a c section at 39 weeks I can't tell you how relieved I am about this but I'm still anxious.

Please discuss your fears with someone - GP could refer you for counselling and debrief of your previous birth and then discuss options.

Good luck

i knew i wanted more and i knew that every labour is different and what happened to me last time is not likely to happen twice. and then when i did get pregnant i did hypnobirthing which really helped me get in the right frame of mind.

I'd blocked out a lot of DS's birth (and the aftermath) so didn't really think about it when TTC with DD. It suddenly came back to me in the middle of my booking in appointment and I ended up feeling very tearful and panicky on several occasions after that, in fact every time I thought about the birth rather than the baby or pregnancy. My mw was great, she went through the first birth with me and allayed some of my fears. I then booked a few hypno sessions to help me relax. DD's birth ended up very different, partly as it was a full 24 hours shorter and partly because I felt a lot more in control once I got to hospital so in the end it was a lovely, calm water birth. I only found out after that DH had felt just as worried about the second birth. He'd kept quiet for my sake to give me what I wanted but the fact that our local maternity ward had turned into a mw-led unit really concerned him in case anything went wrong again.

Interesting thread. I think it can be such a hard decision and is so individual. DD will be 2 when I'm finally done with surgery and rehab fo my birth injuries. And I don't know what to do! I know that I'm not remotely ready to even think about TTC. My surgeon will do ELCS, so I won't have to go through VB again. But my whole life and body have been taken over by this experience that I need to have some breathing space to be 'normal' again - a normal life with DD a normal relationship with DH. But I'll be 41 later this year. If I want another, I know I have to get cracking NOW. And that in itself could be very stressful and not conducive to a 'normal' life!
(Waves and kisses to umboo - hope you are doing OK!)

I knew I would have an elective cs after a horrible first birth ending in emergency cs, so got pregnant quite quickly after having my first baby. If I'd thought I'd have to have a natural birth, I don't know if I could have done it. The elective was fantastic.

I didn't have a choice pill failure 6 months after first birth.

I was terrified.

They took far better care of me, put everything in place to avoid the same thing happening.

I didn't want another child because of what had happened, but once he was there and I just had to deal with it, I did.

The reality of it was not as frightening as my thoughts about it, iyswim.

I had ptsd, anxiety and pnd post dd's birth and a lot of counselling and the application of time helped inordinately though I wasn't quite 'there'. Eventually, three things coincided to make the difference really. DD was desperate for a sibling and I really could see how much it would benefit her. I turned 30 and it made me think. And most importantly, my Mum was diagnosed with cancer. I realised that my fear of giving birth again wasn't as great as my fear that any potential child I had wouldn't know his/her grandmother. On my 30th birthday I decided to ttc. 11 days later my Mum was wheeled into theatre and I started vomiting with morning sickness.

DS, my dc2 is 9mo now and my mum is in full remission.

I just, um got pg , and then was very scared. So was DH. We both went to hypno-birthing classes. I was hypnotism to have no fear. It worked well. We had DC3 two years after DC2.

Thanks for all the replies. I guess it's as individual as the births in question. I don't know if I'll ever get over this fear but I can feel the bloodiness building up... Elective CS may be the way to go though that has its associated terror too.

In the last year since ds was born I've...

• complained about aspects of my care to PALS at my local hospital and received a full apology
• I had a debrief with an obs consultant
• I read a lot about birth trauma, vbac, c-sections, etc.
• I had some trauma counselling.

Every step has been difficult bringing back painful memories but I'd feel myself move forward a little, and I now find I rarely think about it, my thoughts are of the present and future instead of the past.

We're ttc and I'm 20% scared and 80% looking forward to a different, and more positive, birth experience. The thought of stepping foot on the consultant-led delivery unit fills me with a fear so strong I can hardly describe it, so I will be aiming for the MLU or home birth if possible.

Good luck x