Bad first experience. Writing a birth plan 2nd time round.

[AKMD]

I had a beautiful birth plan for DS, going over several pages and covering every point known to man. I don't think a single thing on it actually happened but it kept me busy in the weeks leading up to my due date :o I'd like to write another one this time round but keeping to the essential points. The ones I've come up with so far are:

• I'd like to use the birthing pool if available.
• I would like to keep as active as possible during labour and would like to have access to a birthing ball.
• If I am being given sytocinon, please state this clearly and ensure I understand what it is.
• If I am going to be given sytocinon or have my waters broken artificially, I will need an epidural first.
• I need pain relief when I say I need it.
• I have completed consent forms to donate cord blood after delivery of the placenta.

I am fully expecting a very medicalised birth due to several complications and am half considering requesting an ELCS but for now ideally I'd like to have a vaginal delivery if possible. Anything else I should consider or take out?

Hi, these are the questions asked in the birth plan template they provide in my notes

• Labour Companion - who would you like to be with you.

• Pain Management in Labour - are there any methods that you would like to use to help you cope with labour.

• Positions in labour - you may have a preference for giving birth in a certain position.

• Interventions - sometimes it is necessary for the midwife or obstetrician to intervene if labout is not progressing or your health or the health of your baby is at risk. What are your views about interventions?

• Birth: Do you have any feelings about:
• Episiotomy - this is only done if absolutely necessary & with your verbal consent.
• Syntometrine - this is an injection which is usually given immediately after the baby is born to help your womb contract, aid delivery of the afterbirth and minimise blood loss.

• Skin to Skin - encouraged

• Feeding your baby - breatfeeding recommended but they will help with what you decide.

• Vitamin K - Consent for this to be given (assume that they'd ask you this seperately)

• Induction of labour - Have you any concerns about your labour started?

• Caesarean Section
• would you like your partner present if possible?
• spinal/ epidural anaesthesia if possible?
• to hold your baby in the operating theatre if possible
• breastfeed in recovery ward if possible

• Are there any religious customs you would like observed?

Hope that's of some help.

Thanks; those are all good things to consider. I want to avoid the main issues that caused me distress when DS was born but I don't want to come across as a stroppy mare. The other one I would love to put in is not allowing the ILs into the delivery suite, but I'm leaving that down to DH, who has also been told in no uncertain terms that I do not want him giving live updates on my progress to assorted friends and relations. Actually, maybe I'd do better without a birthing partner...

I would definitely put that you don't want the in-laws in the delivery suite, it is much easier to have a midwife tell them to fuck off than to have to do it yourself. I can't believe that they let them in the first time round!

Definitely good to use it as a place to get the issues from previous birth's out. I filled mine in as soon as I got my notes at about 10 weeks the words DO NOT appear frequently, quite often underlined more than one. As it's a formal document it is currently all in pencil, as who knows what will happen between then and now that may need adaptations to be made, I will also change the tone to being slightly less arsey, but I expect much of it will remain the same

Last time I used this as a starting point to talk to DH about the birth as I wanted to make sure he knew exactly what was in there and why I'd put it there, it definitely helped as he was a complete blank canvass regarding childbirth.

So what if you come across as stroppy, IMO its the only time in your life you're allowed to act like a princess.

This time round I want no visitors for a few days at least, I want to at least labour if not give birth at home and I'd like to wait until the cord stops pulsating before its cut. It's hard to know what's essential for a birth plan (especially as many people don't even have one) I'm the same as you nothing went 'to plan' last time.

Can you chat to your midwife about it at your next appointment? Sometimes I wish dad's were still made to wait outside - I love DH dearly but I'm sure worrying about him worrying about me prevented me from going with the flow

They weren't let in, they sneaked in as someone else went through the door. So embarrassing. Ok, I will put that in.

DH already thinks I am being stroppy. He is in sales and so used to negotiating that he doesn't seem to get it that for this particular life experience, I want things done my way and there are no compromises. He will not bring his iPad into the delivery suite, he will turn his Blackberry off until DD is here and fine and everyone else has cleared off, he will not send a round-robin text to every contact in his address book inviting them to come and visit at the hospital. Maybe I should write a plan just for him :o

I feel your pain DH is a lawyer and also used to negotiating and getting people to justify exactly why they are making the decisions they are making and they want to do things in a particular way. Slightly annoying when we're discussing things to do with the house for example, beyond infuriating when it comes to why I might make certain decisions in relation to childbirth

at your PIL, I'd go further than writing on my birthplan that they weren't allowed in I'd be handing their photographs to hospital security with strict instructions for them to be rugby tackled and escorted off the premises should they set foot on hospital grounds.

Actually maybe I could specify that DH is to be given pethidine and a camp bed. I had a very long labour with DS so DH was asleep for quite a bit of it. If he slept through all of it then he could still 'be there' but not cause any trouble!

:o at getting ILs rugby tackled. I did think the security on the delivery suite was a bit pants. One code-locked door in an otherwise empty corridor is hardly mission impossible territory. Although it would be amusing to see FIL abseiling into the room from the air conditioning unit :o

AKMD - There's nothing wrong with writing a birth plan second time around. This is a different birth and one of the things that you may have learned from your first birth (which I can see in your OP) are the things that you don't want.

Why not keep your birth plan simple? What are the most important points for you? Those are the ones you may like to emphasise.

Loving the suggestion of pethidine and a bed for your DH. That will make me chuckle all day.

I hope you have a lovely birth.

Your IL's turned up in the delivery suite I hadn't even thought of that as a possible scenario! Was going to put I wanted DH there as birthing partner, now might add 'and no-one else'.

Will keep an eye on this for any other bits I need to include that I would never of thought of.

oops fail on the italics

Well I hadn't really considered that they might do that, but I should have realised that sings saying 'One birthing partner only' and strict visiting hours don't apply to them. Luckily they turned up after DS had been born so it could have been worse, but I still had to explain to SIL that the 'Coke stain' on the wall was actually the blood that had splattered everywhere when DS emerged with a pop via ventouse.

signs, not sings

I can't believe your ILs just turned up! I felt a bit put out that mine came to visit and we'd invited them! I think now is definitely the time to have a chat with your DH. I keep repeating to mine that I might be being selfish but I don't want visitors for a few days. I think this and the birth are my choice. It's not a man's body that has to go through the physical and emotional 'traumas' of birth! Make things clear now and you won't have to worry about them while trying to get in the zone come labour.

I had a pretty bad experience first time around & so, the second time, although I knew birth plans meant very little, I still did one. The first bit was a brief summary of my first labour followed by what my key concerns were this time around - eg. being kept informed of what was happening; wanting epidural before drip; having a MW in the room at all times - and then my key birth plan bits such as wanting DP there, wanting to try labouring in water, vitamin K etc. I found a useful list of questions to think about on the NHS website.
As it was, the MW didn't read the plan until after DC2 was born as I only got to hospital with 30 mins to go by which time it was a bit late to do anything other than get as much G&A as I could!

How sad you have such a poor relationship with your in laws. This may be you one day!! My dd delivered her 2nd baby at 4.53am today. What a joyous occasion. If my daughter in law to be felt like this towards me I would be devasted. The more children who love your children the better.

Granny that's rather unfair. You know absolutely nothing about my relationship with my ILs. Not that it is any of your business but it was FIL and SIL who barged into the delivery suite and yes, I am angry that they did that. MIL came to stay with us for 2 weeks after DS was born to help out and I love her to bits.

I had a shitty 1st labour and so second time round I had one side of A4 laminated with my BP on it. I put my name, NHS number and DOB on the top in bold too.

Stuff all the "I would like..."

Bullet point it, keep it succinct.
Access to the birth pool if available
All medical staff must introduce themselves to me and state why they are in the room.
No students in the room
Birthing ball in the room
Active birthing
No internal examinations
*Waters to break naturally, if possible"

etc etc....

Also, as soon as you arrive at the Hospital, hand them your notes, and your BP and say--This is my BP, please read it, it is really important that we try and follow it as closely as we can.