Thanks! Bree, how was your m/w appointment?
My consultant appointment was horrendous. The clinic was very busy so I arrived at 10.10 for a 10.20 appointment to be eventually seen at 12.40. I was extremely nervous, got myself into an awful state by the end of the second hour's wait and was finding myself becoming tearful in the waiting area.
When I went into the room, I was seen by one of the reg's who just was AWFUL. She started the session by saying "ooh I've left you in here a while sweetheart" and continued to call me sweetheart throughout, almost at the end of everyt sentence despite looking a good 7-10 years younger than me.
I tried to explain and she just totally seemed to miss what I was saying.. it was fairly straightforward, I need support with taking meds and because dh is finding it tough to have to do everything etc etc but she kept fixating on the fact I was booked for a homebirth and wanted an induction.. I literally COULDN'T get across to her that I wanted a homebirth if I went before 41+0 but I need a week's cover at the other side of the birth. I didn't think it was so complicated.
Choice things said were:
I said I was deteriorating rapidly and she said: "yes but only psychologically, not medically, sweetheart"
She asked what my "ideal birth" was and I said that as someone with perinatal OCD, I didn't have any "ideal" other than to survive it and to have the baby survive it. She said "well all labour is hard going, that's just labour sweetheart" (despite the fact I have no real fear of pain, just a terrible outcome).
She said "we don't like to induce for non-medical reasons sweetheart and you are asking for something in a very grey area between maternal request which is not recommended and some psychological difficulties" (if psychiatric difficulties are so non-medical, how come I have a prescription for MEDICATION for them?)
She wrote in my notes I was experiencing some "difficulties with thinking about the birth and wanted an induction for childcare reasons"
Another colleague came in and I was crying and asked if I was okay and she said: "oh don't mind her, she's just a bit tearful, aren't you sweetheart?"
She also grilled me on why I would choose a homebirth when it was so unsafe if I am anxious 
.
She advised against water for pain relief for "an anxious person like you".
She asked where my husband was and whether he was capable of caring for my child when I was in labour and what support had he in "dealing with me".
All of this before she went to the consultant to ask if she would consent to induction and consultant said yes without hesitation! But the reg person said to ring my midwife when I was 41+2 and ask her to ring hospital to see if there was a suitable date "sometime that week", which wasn't really what I had asked for as it really doesn't remove any uncertainty.
Anyway, I left and I was distraught. I felt so degraded by the whole situation and the way she spoke to me, like I was a small child who was asking for something I didn't realise was totally irrational, like the moon from the sky. I actually thought I was going to lose it there and then. I had a sudden vision of ending up in the Mother and Baby Unit totally out of it within hours, I can't begin to communicate how distressed I was. I phoned my husband to leave work and come and get me because I could barely speak and walked around the side of the building and just sobbed. It just was so demoralising to be spoken to like that, as though the fact I have a current mental health condition means everything I say is irrational and ridiculous when it's just not like that. I am distressed and my brain isn't working the way it shoud but I am not a gibbering idiot, I am still me.. just me with thoughts I can't currently control very well.
While waiting for my husband I suddenly thought, sod this, go in and ask for a complaint form. I am a Health Professional, I know how this goes.. people don't complain and people walk out of clinics like these distressed and so it continues.
So I did and the Team Manager of the Clinic came to speak to me and got the ACTUAL consultant to meet with me and I explained my concerns while she LISTENED and they booked an induction for me there and then, with an actual date and talked me through the process. Phew. I am so exhausted by it, but relieved that I know that there is a date now.
I really feel sorry for people who have ongoing mental health issues throughout their lives and have to try and explain it to health professionals who don't understand it when asking for support and in distress. I don't know how they do it tbh.
I hope I go into labour before that induction date still though!