Supporting my sister through traumatic birth experience

[lovelola]

I hope I'm posting in the right place. My sister has had a very traumatic birth: 3 day labour, baby did not come despite determined pushing, failed vonteuse (tear and repair), emergency c-section, sent home after 24 hours, on the 5th day - the traumatic bit - the scar opened and she was left holding much of her intestines in her hands at home. Ambulance took 45 mins to arrive, and effectively told her she could die (this is how she interpreted what she was told). She then had a operation under GA to repair the damage. Post operative pain was not managed well - there was a severe shortage of doctors at the hospital that night when she needed them.

We were told this (intestines breaking through the scar) is VERY rare.

In short, it has been a terrible trauma for her. I want to do whatever I can to help her through this. Has anyone had experience of the same thing? Can you offer words of support and encouragement? do you have any practical suggestions for how to get her through this?

Thanks in advance.

you sound absolutely lovely

I had a dramatic birth ( and afterwards) and felt I had no one to talk to

I think you just being there with a cuppa and time to talk will help your sister more than anything

and of course offering yourself up as a babysitter to give her a rest now and then

again, you will help her just being a great sister

Your poor poor sister :(

There is a MNer who has been though a similar thing. I don't want to say her name but if you search you might be able to find the thread?

Talking is the absolute best thing you can do for your sister right now.

Listening, and making sure that she has nothing else to worry about bar healing and bonding with her new baby (i.e. helping them with chores, meals, etc). I suppose its also being aware that it may take her longer to bond with her baby because she's been through so much shortly afterwards, and helping her work through her emotions with that if its a problem for her. Oh, and I presume she'll be on bedrest for a while, so make sure she's not bored stiff.

You can't make it unhappen, so its just about being there to support her mental and physical recovery.

What a s

Hadn't finished, oops.

What a scary situation for you all, wishing her a swift and full recovery. All the best xx

Make sure baby gets plenty of aunty cuddles if mum and dad don't feel up to it all just yet, but if they are managing cuddles, they might still need help with nappies, bathing and soothing.

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. We're going to give her masses of support - she's got a fantastic husband and family.

You very sound caring. With supportive husband and family she's in the best hands. Just make sure she knows she's 'allowed' to talk and feel bad about what happened - as in, well meaning but misguided folk who will say 'at least you've got your baby and it was all all right in the end.'

I had a traumatic birth and part of the problem for me afterwards was feeling 'guilty' for my negative feelings about the birth.

Hope this makes some sense.

Does she have a good GP? Often the GP does not get to hear for a while what has happened, if they are any good they will often come and visit and can be a valuable source of support.

Jeez, that sounds really shocking and painful! Never heard anything like that poor thing :( Hope she makes a speedy recovery, sure you'll be a great support :) Agree with notifying the GP.

my neighbour had a significant scar rupture like this - she needed her partner for first two weeks (he did everything, brought her baby for feeding etc etc) and then her mum for a further two weeks after this. her baby was hard to settle too, and stayed that way....

she got over the fear and braved pregnancy again for a second child - she was scared but managed to go the full nine months.

i think fending off people too keen on visiting (my neighbour had people waltzing into hospital whilst she felt like crap (with catheter etc still in place!) who she wasn't that close too) and getting appropriate support and help (next doors could have used 'people bringing cake and giving her baby and saying nice things about her newborn' rather than 'in-laws coming to drink her tea and point out how crap she looked')