how much help will I need after c-section?

[happyfeet11]

Should really know this as about to have dc 3 but it was a long time ago. With each birth dh has taken less time off after birth. This time he thinks he can take maybe 3 days and than maybe work from home for 2. Not sure if this is enough.
Have 2 school age dc to get to school. Hopefully neighbours will help with this. Although not sure how after school clubs etc will work.How was it for you post csection?

You'll need him there for at least a week, 2 would be much more helpful. I've had three c sections and DH has always taken 2 weeks off.

I could barely walk the first 5 days or so after each one, you won't be able to manage school runs if you are like that.

OMG I had section with NO other DCs and I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be managing on my own with other kids as well as a newborn (and I promise you I'm no lightweight!!) I was v lucky and had DH for two weeks and DM for another week... I would have struggled to manage without the extra help. If we have a DC2 It will have to be another section and I will be making sure I have loads of help again!

My DP had to go back to work 10 days after DD arrived (long labour took in hospital took up the other 4 days!) and that was a bit too soon really.

If you'd have asked me at the time I would have said I was fine but in reality, I could hardly walk to the shop and back.

I had a great recovery from
my elcs but even I would want a bit more
help than that! You may be in hosp for 2 days (fairly standard) in any case - I hope your dp isn't including that as part of his 2 days off. I thinj the answer to a lot of these dilemmas is that if you had to manage you would.... just, but if you don't give yourself time to recover and heal then you are much more likely to get problems like infection, exhaustion etc further down the line.

I'd say ask him to organise a minimum of a week at home AFTER you are out of hospital. Point out that that is preferable
to him having to take time off work suddenly and for an unpredictable amount of time in 3 weeks, when you've overdone it and have to have complete bedrest to recover! Ask him if it is possible that during his week off, he can fit in the odd bit of work at home if it's possible, but he shouldn't count on this (from experience, I'd say it's not great having someone 'working from home' helping out if they really are working from home... They just get stressed and resentful if you do ask them to help out...).

Sadly 3 days does include the time in hospital. I think he is mad to think it could work. His excuse seems to be well I am sure my mum will be around. My preference would be that he cancels maybe 2 days Xmas leave to extend this time. Most of the rest of his annual leave is accounted for and can't rerally be changed. Booked before aware of ppregnancy.
Guess I am going to accept I will have to live in a tip for a week or 2 or get a cleaner.

I think it's a bit mad. As happyfeet says, you could be in hospital for 3 days (I was in for 5, nothing to do with me, but DD had jaundice that wouldn't go away). That would take up all his pat leave. I also think you shouldn't be dealing with school runs only a week after a CS. How will you pick up the car seat, for example? No judgement on your DH, but I think it's a bit mean of him - unless of course, work are putting pressure on him?

We could only afford for dh to take 7 days and given that I was in labour for 37hrs, had an emcs and then a further 3 days in hospital, he only had a couple of days at home with us. Plus, dd started school 4 days post emcs. I had a school run involving a bus ride and a 2 mile walk to manage with newborn ds and 4yo dd to look after.

Now, I was actually fine. I've had 2x emcs and find the physical recovery quite easy in terms of ability to get straight back into doing things.

BUT

My wound reopened on day 4 or 5 and this was because I'd been doing too much. I didn't have a choice about the school run or caring for the dc but I did do too much housework. Next time (not actually going to be a next time ), I'd sod the non essentials. I felt okay, but I did set back the healing of my wound.

It's tough because you don't actually know how you'll recover from it all. I'd get every offer of help accepted now and if you're fine and dandy then great, let them help anyway!

I always imagine someone who's had major stomach surgery being asked to look after toddlers on their own only a few days after the op... It would never happen and most people would be aghast that it would even be expected, yet a CS is somehow treated lightly as if it's comparable to recovery from a visit to the dentist. I know I had to remind my OH that I really couldn't pick up anything heavy for at least 10 days.

Fortunately for me I don't have toddlers to care for. However, I still can't help thinking this is going to be tough.

Yes he is but he is reluctant to take it due to it being a tiny percentage of his salary. I am trying to get him to push for getting a couple of days at full pay. I know his previous employer offered it.

Statutory pat leave is 2 weeks on full pay, assuming he's employed?

I had an an EMCS. There was no way either me or my husband was doing any housework except the basic minimum to keep the place habitable. We didn't cook except for turning on the oven. My husban was off for ten days after I got home and he was running around constantly looking after me and baby. I was in a lot of pain and feeding was problematic. We didn't have any other children.

I really really think you need more support. You might easily be in for four or five nights if there are any complications (touch wood everything will go smoothly though.) When you get home you are likely to be tender at best and to be much less mobile than normal. If you are planning to BF that will take a lot of your time as well. I wouldn't entertain the idea of the school run for at least a fortnight. If your DH absolutely can't rejig his leave could you get a postnatal doula or maternity nurse? Hoping that family, friends or neighbours can help out ad hoc isn't enough. You should be able to treasure this special time with your newborn from the vicinity of the sofa.

loveisagirl, sadly it's not full pay. It's £135ish pw. We just couldn't manage the 2 weeks on so little.

Oh, I see. Without wanting to pry, is he not an employee? My partner is self-employed and AFAIK not entitled to a bean!

He is employed but spp is a fraction of his take home pay.

Is he properly aware that you will probably experience some or all of the following: afterpains, horrid trapped wind, blood loss, constipation, night sweats, abdominal pain, limited mobility, inability to lift anything heavy, baby blues, breast discomfort in some shape or form (however you feed), loss of appetite and that you will be on a load of painkillers that might make you a bit spaced out?

I don't want to scaremonger but being realistic you are likely to go through some of this and you may simply not be well enough to look after three children on your own.

I personally would borrow money to live on rather than do what your husband is proposing. Because your health is too important to scrimp on.

I would rather live on a tight budget for a month or two, save the difference if i could, and have the 2 weeks paternity leave.
It really isn't on to leave you so soon after major surgery with 2 other children to look after,,, you will be at risk of your wound not healing properly, if you end up back in hospital or on bed rest because you split open again he won't have a choice but to stay home.

He made these children with you, so he shouldn't just be fobbing you all off onto your mother, thats not fair.
He is entitled to take the paternity leave, so he should find a way to make it work.

Oh I see. I thought it was full pay, but you're right, it's not, unless the employer offers an enhanced paternity package. Sorry about that, it does make for a very tough decision. Can he take any annual leave instead?

OTTMummA i don't think it's a case of him dumping on her... £270 a fortnight is for some people a huge reduction in salary and could affect ability to pay household bills etc. I'm sure the OP and her DH have thought it all through.

Having said that, I do agree that it's going to be tough on you so it would make sense to plan for having help in some form or another.