I can't listen to other peoples birth stories without feeling terrible

[Whenisitmysleepytime]

Mt bf has just had dc2 and so at toddler group we were all reminiscing over our dc's arrivals.

I had to walk away as it made me feel tense and anxious and really sad about how my dc - particularly ds arrived.

Ds was emcs after a labour that went nowhere and he got stuck. They decided he needed to come out before things got dangerous. I took a long time to start to come to terms with that and I probably had pnd. (although never diagnosed)

Dd was an elcs and a much better experience. Almost nice in comparison. :)
But I still feel awful that neither of my dc were born 'properly'. I just didn't feel u could even try with dd as I was terrified of a repeat performance.

I should be ok with it all now - ds is 3 and dd 1yo but in still a mess if I have to think about births.
That's not really normal is it?

Anyone else like this?
How do you move past it?

A very good attitude 1944girl.
Reading this thread in tears. I too had a horrendous experience 1st time. I think I must have totally missed bit in antenatal classes re csection. I anticipated a water birth. Even got the room with the pool. Despite contracting all night I was only 1-2 cms next morning. At 3.00pm ish waters broke with meconium. The next couple of hours passed in a blur really. Culminating in me being rushed to theatre for an emergency section under ga. DD needed resussiatating (sp) but thankfully has suffered no lasting damage. I do not have a single photo of the 1st day of her life. Too shell shocked to take them, Also felt cheated out of those 1st precious hours. Furthermore failed to breastfeed.
2nd birth better but still resulted in emergency section. At least have a few photos and managed to feed.
Also feeling a little sad that I am probably unlikely to experience natural birth. Although I am hoping for an even better csection experience.
Obviously know that all that matters is a healthy baby but its still natural to feel like you have missed out.

Hi op I am sorry you are feeling like this.
Have you ever had a chance to go through the notes of the first birth with a midwife?
I am a midwife and know that however brilliantly mums prepare for birth sometimes medical issues or the baby demand that labour ends in a Caesarian section birth.
There is no failure or fault in this.
The birth trauma association may also be useful to you.
Xx

I find them terribly boring.

This is a great thread, thanks OP for having the courage to post - I think you've realised that what you're not on your own.

I had a much better experience compared to some of you - I can't comprehend how much it must hurt to lose a baby or to have them suffering damages from the birth, my heart goes to you all.

Show, you made me cry, lovely, lovely post.

So my birth wasn't all hippy as I wanted, I was induced and from the moment I was told I was going to be induced, I felt cheated. I felt I was being robbed from the feeling on going into labour on my own. Because giving birth was much harder than I had anticipated, I was given pethidine to help me cope and it worked so well that I gave birth shortly after. This means I can't actually remember DS first moments. I beat myself about it foe months and it took me ages to bond with him. I felt like a freak because everyone says your baby comes out and you feel this wave of love submerging you - I never had that, I thought he was cute but felt nothing for him.

It took me about 6 weeks to really feel love for him and many more months to feel I could stop beating myself up about the birth. I talked a lot about it, even asked my doula to tell me the birth, I cried buckets and then realised that it wasn't the perfect birth but it was our story and that the birth is really only the beginning. Ante natal classes had me believing otherwise and never actually prepared me for having a baby and being a mother, it was more like choosing a meal on a la carte menu: yes, I'd like the water birth, with fairy lights but no chanting please.

I've learned that with birth like with babies, you can't really predict what's going to happen so you have to be ready for anything and whatever happens you've carried that baby for 9 months, you'll love them for the rest of your life and so the way they come out doesn't really matter.

I'm pregnant with DC2, may have to be induced again, don't really want to but know it may happen and that even if it doesn't happen the baby may need to come out by CS and it won't matter. I have made that baby and will raise them with all my love, that's what count. X

Fanny- I had a debrief when ds was about 3mo. It didn't help. She just re- read my notes. I wanted to know why it had all gone wrong but all she could say was 'sometimes these things happen'. I needed answers and reassurance it couldn't happen again. And most importantly that it wasn't my fault. I got none of it.
I have a very slight medical background from Uni and so understood a lot of my notes from when they still belonged to me iyswim. The midwife didn't tell me I didn't already know.

At least when I was having my pre-op meeting thing and they had a feel of dd's position. She was in the same position as ds was when he got stuck. I felt vindicated for choosing elcs after that.