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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Really anxious about appointment with consultant tomorrow :(

22 replies

Loonybun · 26/04/2012 19:14

I'm terrified :( I'm scared they're not going to let me have an elective c section.

I had a terrible traumatic labour with dd (now aged nearly 9) and ds is due in 8 weeks time.

To cut a long story short labour with dd included -

Being induced at 37 weeks due to severe anaemia on my part and them thinking she would be huge (she wasn't, she was 7lb 8)
A labour of 70 hours long, all of it "established" labour in a delivery suite room.
An epidural that didn't work or wasn't sited correctly and paralysed me down one side from the neck down for 3 days whilst still leaving me in agony the whole time.
An ventouse delivery with episiotomy during which they cut through my piles I had at the time leaving me with terrible keloid scarring I later sought specialist help for.
Spent 5 days in hospital with dangerously low blood levels.
Total rejection of dd and PND, PTSD that took me about 2 years to recover from on 60mg citalopram, counselling and so on.

I've complained to the hospital (not the same one I will be having ds at) and I've been through the Birth Trauma group etc.

I am now 32 (coming up to 33) weeks pregnant with ds. I have been to my GP and midwives about this and they have written to the consultant to ask that I have a c section, which I am grateful for.

My biggest concern is that when I saw the consultant at 16 weeks he was very dismissive and basically said that "second babies are easier" a "vaginal birth would be better for me" and so on. I don't think he took me seriously at all.

I don't think he realises the total anxiety and trauma. No amount of counselling or persuasion will get me to feel positive about a vaginal birth.

I am now in the position where I've got an appointment to see him again tomorrow - mainly as they wanted to do a growth scan to check whether ds is on the large side like dd was - and I really need to persuade him that I have to have this baby by c section.

I know he will have the letters from my GP and midwife there.

I am absolutely bricking it. I'm phobic about hospitals and everything as it is. I feel like running away but this baby has to come out somehow, just I absolutely do not want a vaginal birth :(

OP posts:
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Loislane78 · 26/04/2012 20:48

I'm on DC1 so can't offer my much there but I do know doctors. First off, don't be scared :) One because we don't you getting stressed and two, tomorrow you will be an assertive and rationale lady. Write down what you want to say. You are grateful to speak with them (you can tell a porky here), have considered the risks of both options carefully and this is your preferred delivery route. You are sure he (?) has read notes from your MW and GP who you have also discussed this with. You appreciate their expertise and would still like to proceed with C section. If you have a consultant who is quite emotionally detached, best to talk in facts rather than how you feel too much.

You can do it!!! Good luck and hope you get your outcome :)

VivaLeBeaver · 26/04/2012 20:54

And if they do say no then ask to be referred to another consultant. Good luck.

Lunarlyte · 26/04/2012 21:40

Hiya, sorry to hear about your very distressing birth experience with your first DC.

I developed coccydynia as a result of my DD1's birth in 2009 and as a result, requested ELCS for DD2. The Consultant OB who I saw was very dismissive of my back problem, frightened DH and I witless about the risks of CS whilst painting the most positive picture about the most normal straightforward VB against the most frightening and terrible outcomes of CS. This was at our first meeting when I was 20 weeks along.

He said that he would conditionally agree to a maternal request cesarean IF I went to see a Consultat Midwife to discuss natural birth options and fully inform myself about the risks of both birth options (for me, risks to my spine).

Fast forward to me being 35 weeks: idseen the midwife but after thinking long and hard wasn't happy with the 'you might be okay, you might damage your back more' response. I'd seen a physio and chiropractor who both reckoned my risks of repeating the damage I did with my first birth were high. I read an amazing book by Leigh East called Cesarean Birth: A positive guide to preparation an recovery, which put the risks of VB and CS into context. And it's this context that is key and is why was willingly missing from my OB's assessment. From my experience, hospitals have a duty to keep CS rates to about 15%, in line with WHO recommendations. The hospital where I delivered had a rate the month before of 34%. this said a lot to me.

So, to conclude, you need to be firm in your decision. If a CS is what you want, stick to your guns. Be calm at all times, demonstrate your awareness of the risks of CS but that you are ready to take them on; that you are more comfortable with those risks. In an unremarkable pregnancy, in a 'low risk' mum with no previous CS, an ELCS should go well. Look at East's book.

For the record, my ELCS was agreed and my beautiful second daughter was born last Thursday. The section was a lovely birth experience, so calm and happy. Best of luck to you xx

I saw him at my 20-week ante-natal appointment and he agreed

Lunarlyte · 26/04/2012 21:42

Sorry, some awful type-o's there! Blaming iPhone keypad and baby-brain :)

elizaregina · 27/04/2012 13:57

Dear OP so sorry to hear of your woes....I can understand they cant just hand out CS but sometimes it seems sad that the mother to be has to go through such a worrying and stressful time to simply get some peice of mind, its our own body after all we will have to live in for the whole rest of our lives! I read all CS posts with interests as I will also be requesting one, and wont give in till I get one. Good luck to you.

Lunarlyte

I have noticed alot of women describing ELCS as a " lovely" experience but never heard this of V birth!!!

I was wondering why it was so lovely........and how did you feel after in terms of recovery?

Bethpp · 27/04/2012 14:20

Stick to your guns! Read the NICE guidelines (easily found by searching on Google) which fully supports CS by maternal request alone by reason of anxiety and fear. If your consultant won't let you then demand to see another one. These doctors tend to browbeat you into submission - don't let them, you have a right to have the birth you want. Good luck xx

Lunarlyte · 27/04/2012 18:01

Hello again eliza I remember you from a few weeks/threads/posts ago! I would just like to say that I can only speak for my personal experiences of VB and ELCS. My VB was 3.2 years ago; my ELCS just 8 days ago, so I am nowhere near being fully recovered from it.

It is my belief that if a vaginal delivery is 'normal' - that is, not too long, no intervention, minimal tearing (I.e. 'grazing'), then this is the best/safest mode of delivery. I wouldn't want to push the cause fr CS to anyone who didnt have a real need for it.

However, my experience of VB was removed from this. It was long
(24 hours in latent labour; 7 hours established labour. All felt pretty much the same to me!). extremely painful (but to be fair, I only
chose to have G&A) exacerbated by a very long pushing stage (2 hours) and then developing a problem with my tailbone through excessive strain on my pelvi floor, which contracted my coccyx so I felt every contraction and movement of my first baby there. I was also given an episiotomy and my daughter delivered by ventouse. It was
exhausting. Of course, I was overjoyed by her arrival, felt a rush of love and was as high as a kite on wonderful hormones for months afterward, but I was left with a very sore fanjo for about 5 months and a problem with my tailbone that never completely went away, and was
intensely painful for about 4 months after delivery. The pain never completely disappeared.

Hence my request for ELCS. A big battle to get one, completely agree with Bethpp that the OB's try to brow-beat you. But it was a battle won and I'm glad that we persevered, as I feel sure my coccyx
wouldn't have taken the strain of another labour. In relative retrospect, my ELCS was a lovely experience because of the level of control. I had researched CS, so I knew completely what to expect (assuming that all went well) and, although certain risks were very frightening, I knew that those risks were very low, and that my individual risk of
redamaging my spine was significantly higher.

I loved the atmosphere on the day; the theatre staff were so upbeat, it was nothing like the sweat and fear in the labour room. I loved how 'with it' I was - no fuzzy head from lack of sleep, lack of food and gas
and air - and how I was told that 'in about 10 seconds, your baby will be here'. It really was joyful and beautiful, even though I was a bit freaked out at how snuffly my baby was (knew to expect it; still panicked a bit). Oh, and I didn't feel any pain for at least 24 hours
due to good pain control. Felt pain when I tried to stand 20-odd hours or so later but nipped it in the bud with more lovely pain meds :)

Recovery-wise, I feel much better than after my VB. It certainly hasn't been a walk in the park so far: I nearly fainted the first time I true to shower and for the first couple of days I was quite uncomfortable. But, that's just it: it's discomfort and not really pain. You know that it should only last a short time. I have been able to use the toilet and
not wince and now, 8 days on, I am feeling quite a bit stronger. Admittedly, I have got all the help I can get. I'm lucky in that I have a very supportive family. I haven't done much except cuddle our newborn, make a fuss of our 3-year-old and gently potter around the house.

Of course, my tummy is still bruised and I have got a lot of swelling and bruising around the scar. My skin kind of looks like a ridge over the scar and I'm hoping that this is just swelling and will disappear on time. The scar itself is not the prettiest thing but I am going to grow my ahem pubes to cover it.

I hope that this answers your question and that at least some of what I've said helps you, OP. if anyone wants to know more, I'm happy to answer, if I can x
pubes over the scar! T

Lunarlyte · 27/04/2012 18:05

Jaysis! Why doesn't the 'cut' button work properly on my phone! Please ignore my last embarrassing line :)

rhibutterfly · 27/04/2012 18:12

you now have the right to ask for c section don't let him fob you off, explain this is best for you and baby as it saves you becoming anxious, depressed etc, good luck xx

Lunarlyte · 27/04/2012 19:08

Although new NICE guidelines make it difficult for hospitals for refuse an ELCS request, I don't think a woman has a 'right' to CS. In any case, I'd avoid saying this to an OB. Mine was lovely in the end, but obstinate was not the word when tryig to get one approved for me. I think I'd I'd bought up the 'its my right' argument, I have opened another can of theoretical worms to add to his argument against CS. I'd say tread carefully, know that you'll probably get one if you dig your heels in, but argue logically.

TheGrandOldDuke · 27/04/2012 19:16

I had my consultant appt last week. My case sounds extremely similar to yours, just substitute ventouse for forceps.
What I was told was: if you have any sort of incontinence problems still from the traumatic birth the first time round, they would not make you do it naturally again. I do have slight issues with my back end and they immediately booked me in for a c-sec there and then. So do you have anything similar....and if not, maybe....stretch the truth slightly?
Although to be honest, the psychological issues after the birth should also be enough to persuade them.
I was dreading my appt, and was pleasantly surprised. I hope you will be too. X

cheekydino · 27/04/2012 19:17

I had a similar experience with a consultant refusing a cs with my second after a traumatic birth and pnd with my first (he was so dismissive and patronising - beyond rude!). I asked to see a different consultant - or rather my husband rang up the consultants' secretary firmly requesting another appt with a different consultant and saying it was an absolute disgrace I'd been sent home in floods of tears. He then came with me to the second appt and was able to say all the things I wanted to say that I was too emotional to say myself with any coherence. What seemed to make a difference was the rational approach to it we presented as a united front and showing we knew about all the risks of major abdominal surgery.

Good luck!

TheGrandOldDuke · 27/04/2012 19:20

Yes I agree with cheekydino - have you got someone to go with you? And also stress you know it's major surgery.... Tbh the idea of a c-sec scares me more than labour, but I keep thinking it's one day to get through versus a life potentially with a bag....

elizaregina · 27/04/2012 19:40

Lunarlyte

Oh yes I remember now - the back problem!

So glad you have had a wonderful safe delivery and without further damaging your back. Thank you so much for your detailed description of the ELC. Freinds and others and others on here have used the word " lovely" .....which is in stark contrast to war stories from the " other" way....

The general atmos and control seems like all the exact reasons why I want one. .....it sounds wonderful compared to " sweat and fear" of labour room.

So happy for you and thanks for the detail again....

Lunarlyte · 27/04/2012 20:28

You're very welcome ;) Hope that you ge te birth that you want.

Loonybun · 27/04/2012 20:37

Hi all,

Thank you all so much for the advice and experiences.

Well .... I got my elective c section date!!! :)

In all honesty it was quite a battle ... Memorable quotes from the consultant include ... "Of course you do know a c section involves a cut?" ..... "There will be some pain involved" (well duh!) And "you do know if you have a c section you increase the risk of stillbirth in subsequent pregnancies" - really? What about long very long vaginal births like mine where the baby gets stuck???

I showed that I had a total understanding of all the risks involved and that there was no point in him keeping on comparing a c section to a normal vaginal birth as mine wasn't normal!! I got quite cross... I said I wasn't prepared to come back after I've "thought about it" - really??? At 33 weeks???

So in the end he got his book out and booked me in :) that's all that matters for me.

The thing that made me more annoyed than anything was that if I had a beech baby then he'd probably be there trying to persuade me that a elcs is a safe option etc etc but because my problems are psychological mostly I am tried to be talked out of it!! Nonsense.

People still don't take mental health seriously.

He ended up by saying he didn't feel I had made the "right choice" and I said "well that's fine but I have made the right choice for me".

Thank you everyone , so much.

OP posts:
Lunarlyte · 27/04/2012 20:45

Oh, and can highly recommend this thread: an old'un and very good'un!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/217414-if-you-are-having-a-caesarean?pg=4

lurkingaround · 27/04/2012 20:48

Great news Loony. Fantastic work!!

Delurking to wish you well.

Lunarlyte · 27/04/2012 20:55

Yes, at 37 weeks at our last meeting before my daughter's birth-day, my OB said that he'd love nothing more than for me to change my mind and go for a VB. Just awful! But, immediately before we left the room, he said that he wouldnt like for me to contact him/the hospital months later after knackering my back again through a VB. Again, I felt that this comment was telling. I cannot begin to express what a rollercoaster of emotions making the decision for ELCS was.

I'm happy for you that you got your ELCS booked in. Relax now, prepare and enjoy x

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 27/04/2012 21:02

Fab news Grin

Bethpp · 27/04/2012 21:27

Brilliant, really pleased for you! I got my own ELCS date yesterday - I feel like a weight has been lifted and I'm actually excited about baby arriving instead of being overshadowed by fear. I imagine you're the same. Grin

elizaregina · 28/04/2012 19:48

Loonybun

Fab news thanks for the update, please up date again. So glad you got this sorted and you can now RELAX and enjoy!

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