sterilisation at same time as cs-regretting it

[ariane5]

Had my 4th cs on 12 april, i had placenta accreta (also had it in 2nd pg) and had been kept in for a week before, every dr i saw said it was very serious, i would bleed badly etc and kept urging me to have tubes cut at time of cs.I was scared so thought it was probably sensible and i had it done.

However baby was unwell and taken to nnu after birth where he stayed for a week before coming home.I immediately regretted it and feel i was too hasty to choose something so final but i was scared and tired aand drs really scared me saying how serious things could be and that any more pgs could be worse.

I keep crying about it, is it just hormones or have i made a terrible mistake? I really didnt think id want more children anyway and i just wish id chosen a different type of contraception but at the time it seemed sensible now i feel panicky and so upset at what ive done.

I imagine that after a few caesareans the risk goes up and up of placenta problems being worse each time. And with the doctors taking it so seriously it may be that really there wasn't a lot of choice for you and the best/safest option really was to have it done.

I'm opting for a sterilisation at my c-section coming up in a few weeks. And have thought through and discussed worst case scenarios. (How's your baby doing now?)
I expect you did too, and that was the time when you were probably thinking the clearest.

I requested a sterilisation, at my 2nd cs, but did not get it becasue there were complications, becasue of my diabetes. Had it done a few months later.
Am wondering what is at the heart of your upset. You have just had your 4th, so it may be hormones, but did you want 4 children? I mean 4 children only. Had you decided 100% that you did not want 5? If you are SURE, you don't want a 5th, then this was o.k. for you?
Please tell us more, so that we can try and help you here.

I was sterlised fairly recently when my youngest was 4 (I have 4 dc) and I'm in my late 30s.

I absolutely know it was the right decision, however, I was devasted, I was crying so much in pre-op the dr didn't want to go ahead - I think he was concerned that I'd been coerced. It is an emotional decision, it is the end of that chapter in your life.

Please be kind to yourself, it's okay to be sad that you will never have another pregnancy/baby etc but also your hormones are all over the place. Give yourself time to come to terms with it - you have had 4 c-secs you really would be putting your life at risk having more, you did make a sensible decision, but it's completely understandable to have a huge wobble over it especially as it happened very quickly.

Afterwards I did feel very sad. And bereft that my possible childbearing days were over. and even worse that I had done it to myself, chosen to do it. But I still knew it was right and was pleased I had done it. Very odd emotions. Please try not to worry.

I think if I'd not had to have cs deliveries and complications then yes I'd have wanted more than 4 but I just feel that although I thought I was being sensible at the time I only really had a fw days to consider it maybe that wasn't long enough but things were happening so quickly and th main concern was that I'd have a huge bleed.baby was in nnu for just over a week with breathing probs pneumonia and sepsis they took him 20 mins aft birth and I honesty feared the worst and spent the next week in pieces convinced he wouldn't make it and that I would never have a baby again in my life.I know 4 cs is a lot and having had accreta twice is not good so having anymore had I not ben sterilised would have been a massive risk I just feel heartbroken that I did it to myself I keep breaking down about it

I think it's okay to be heartbroken about it, you know in your head it was a good decision but broodiness and maternal urges are not logical at all - otherwise we'd never procreate!

Have you got people in RL who will lend a sympathetic ear to let you talk through it as much as you need to?

I don't really think that you have done it to yourself.
I know you consented to it. But I think you've been unlucky and your choices limited.

Dp trying his best to help but I think its hard for him to understand how I could be anything other than relieved after all the worry we went through as it seemed to be a daily occurence at hosp of drs going through worst case scenarios and he was very worried.I do think a lot of it is to do with how poorly baby was I really thought it was going to end the worst possible way,that and having to spend a week going to and from hosp sitting in neonatal int care,trying to express milk and being in pain from cs just completely wore me down .

Dp trying his best to help but I think its hard for him to understand how I could be anything other than relieved after all the worry we went through as it seemed to be a daily occurence at hosp of drs going through worst case scenarios and he was very worried.I do think a lot of it is to do with how poorly baby was I really thought it was going to end the worst possible way,that and having to spend a week going to and from hosp sitting in neonatal int care,trying to express milk and being in pain from cs just completely wore me down .

Have you spoken about that fear? That your precious newborn was going to die and you wouldn't have the opportunity to move on and even try to have another baby to help fill the massive void that would have filled?

Is it possible that you have PTSD from the whole experience?

Ahh bless you. You have done the right thing.

Bless you. It all sounds really quite horrific and harrowing. I have seen milder cases on MN, where someone needed to talk through their birth experience/counselling etc. Are you sure that wouldn't be an idea for you?

I have not really spoken about it I have just tried to be ok now that he is home and well but the sheer panic I felt those few nights I was without him thinking he would die thn crying and crying till I could hardly breathe were awful.not for one second did I consider he was replacable if somthing had happened it was just the fear that I would never had had another baby and I was in a terrible state,rest of the time I was on autopilot going to and from hosp exhausted and in pain I really feel drained by it all I was terrified. Maybe if he hadn't gone to nnu I wouldn't have been so sad about having it done

Your feelings, and the fear you had at that time, are totally understandable and logical. I had no problems with either ds's, upon birth, so can not comprehend the terror. But many on Mn, I'm sure can.
But added to that, there is your added fear of, have you done the right thing/ regretting the sterilisation. Not to replace the baby you've just had. We all realise that no child is 'replaceable'. But the fear, (also that this fear was unexpected - you did not previously know, when you made the sterilisation decision, that you were later going to have to deal with this whole scenario, the possibility of losing your baby) wondering that god forbid, if baby 4 did die, you would NOW not be able to have another.
All this sounds totally understandable. And logical, to us all, right ladies?
But you need to talk to your best friend. or better still the counsellor who goes through birth experiences at the hospital. Please ask your HV for a referal. or you can ring yourself. talking to someone trained, at counselling, who will look at your birth, also from a medical/nursing point of view. And will TOTALLY 'get' all your feelings, I think could be very helpful.
Many many MN'ers who had difficulat births , who did this, ( I think it is only a one-off session), one session talk through, say it helped ALOT.
HTH.

Agree with Ob, your fears etc are all completely logical to me.

I've gone for the birth counselling service and found it fantastic.