Selfish for wanting ELCS with a toddler

[steben]

Bit upset - a woman at work told me today she thought i was selfish for having an elcs as i wont be able to pick up my near 3 year old daughter (she will be almost 3 when baby due).
I have been adamant the cs is what i want after horrendous birth with DD wihich ended up in emcs. I basically told her to f off and mind her own business but it got me thinking...
Any ladies out there who have been in same boat?

i am sure there are tons of people who have needed a c-section despite having older children.
it's ridiculous of the woman to judge you bearing in mind she has NO idea why you are having the section.

sadly there are a lot of ignorant people out there!

Thanks thisisyesterday - to e fair this is the first negative reaction I have had. The more I think about - whilst yes it wont be easy for first couple of weeks - surely in the couple of weeks prior to birth I will be struggling to lift her anyway?! Plus despite difficult circumstances before my emcs my recovery was ac actually OK.

I had an elcs after a v traumatic emcs with ds.
Nobody dared to judge me as I was adamant I would having an elcs from day 1.
I would ask anyone judging what their medical qualifications were that meant they knew what would be best for me and my baby!

Just tell her it's none of her business.
And fwiw I was lifting ds (who was 2yo) at 3wks after elcs and driving too. It was much less traumatic in every way with an elcs.

HTH :)

Thanks it does :)

Did you really tell her to f off?

I had an elcs when my dd was 2.8. We all survived! Dh did a lot of the picking up and caring for dd and it was a great bonding time for them.

Interesting. I didn't realise being able to lift your toddler makes you a better mother...

Ridiculous woman she sounds. I was lifting DC1 after about three weeks and I could still hug and cuddle. DC1 just needed to learn to climb onto things with my help. Plus the fact that DC2 had a scheduled arrival date meant I could prepare and make provision for DC1. Tell her to find something else to be pointlessly critical about - although I suspect she won't need much help in that respect.

No I said in no uncertain terms that it was a medical choice and both me and dd would have died if she had not been born by cs and she didnt know what she was talking about. She is much older and had 4 children and I have heard her slagging off women who have had difficult births before - always says stuff along lines of "in my day we just got on with it"...

I had an elcs with my second after a traumatic birth with my first.

Dd1 was 22 months at the time and I managed just fine. Didn't need to pick her up as she was in a bed, ate at a little toddler table And could climb up for cuddles.

People who spout shit like this really get my goat. It is blatant judging because they think elcs is 'cheating' in some way.

You make the right decision for you and your family and don't pay any attention to idiots like this.

I was in a FAR better state to look after my children after my ELCS because I as calm and happy after a brilliant birth and not traumatised and suffering from flashbacks.
Good luck with your elcs xx

Am in exactly the same boat, due to give birth when DD is 2.9. I have considered this element myself although no one has said anything negative. For me, the short term inconvenience of not being as agile with my toddler is worth it for the delivery I want. And who's to say a vaginal birth wouldn't leave you with complications that meant you couldn't lift? I get so frustrated with the automatic assumption that a vaginal delivery is complication free.

Silly woman. So how would you lift your toddler if you had a third degree tear then?

I believe that ELCS have a far quicker recovery time than an EMCS so if you are likely to end up with a second section it might as well be elective.

It's none of her business how you choose to give birth

Well, I had an EMCS 4 weeks ago, and have a 2 year old.

I am coping fine now lifting him etc.

What a rude woman.

Daft. I went for a VBAC with dc2. Ended up with a section anyway. Personally I think my recovery time would have been quicker if I had ELCS straight away instread of going through labour too. I has a two year old at the time.

Steben "I basically told her to f off and mind her own business"

Good for you. Exactly what she deserved - might make her think in future!

Don't be even slightly upset though, there are a minority of nasty people out there who take pleasure in hurting people - just avoid them and remember that NORMAL, INTELLIGEMT, NICE people don't say things like that and they are the majority.

Look at the posts you are getting

She sounds extremely rude. Who says that to other people?!

Not to judge or anything can totally understand why you would want an ELCS I also had an awful first birth (induction, agonising labour ending in emergency C section) and assumed I would have an ELCS (doctor even commented that they would "tidy up" my C section scar this time around). However my second birth was a straightforward VBAC which took 5 hours . Births can be very different - just because the first one was bad doesn't necessarily mean the second will be this really took me by surprise.

I had an ELCS when my DD was 2 (I had previously had an EMCS). I spent a few months getting her used to climbing on my lap instead of being picked up and it worked fine.

Thanks everyone for your responses - I think hormones have caused me to react more to this than I normally would. Eleanorwish that is a good idea!

Would you have considered walking up to this work colleague and giving her your hostile and uninvited opinions on having four children? I mean, she can't possibly give each one enough love and attention if she's had FOUR, can she?

I guess you wouldn't because that's a remarkably stupid statement. As was hers. I'm glad you slapped her down, now avoid her like a dose of the clap.

So glad you told her to f off. Would follow up with starting some untraceable rumours about her...

People are stupid. When I told someone at work I might have to have a CS she said "oh don't have one of those, you can't drive for ages". I did tell her it was either a CS or bleed to death, she shut up then.

I had considered elcs for this pregnancy but have ruled it out as not for me... But I had decided, seeing this crap with a friend, that if I had one I would lie to those not close to me and say it w as for breech! Too much hassle and too many horror stories!