Positive and Empowering Stories of How You Coped in Labour (no matter how it all ended up)

[thunksheadontable]

Hi

I am 32 weeks pregnant and I've posted a few times here recently about my anxiety and mental health in relation to this birth. However, am totally committed to doing everything possible to releasing my fear and anxiety in the next few weeks and am sort of doing psychological bootcamp on it, doing Hypnobirthing privately with two midwives (and only £187 - bargain!), refreshing my memory on techniques I used in my first labour that worked and open to any and all suggestions however weird and whacky that helped you cope with whatever labour you did.

I realised through discussion that I had totally discounted my skills because I had an epidural from 5cms but actually, looking back, I did use some pretty effective pain control techniques along the way to that and never really felt panicked or out of control. I really want to focus on all of these positives and not the end stage of my last labour this time..

So: things that helped me -

I went on all fours and swayed while breathing. This lasted for on off contractions for a few days.

Early labour - trying to rest, listening to repetitive relaxing music and keeping my mind as free as possible. I listened to Einaudi's Melodie Africana i on repeat for about three hours (!!): .

I had two stress balls, colouredly juggling balls like these. I lay on my left hand side and held one in the hand that had the drop on0 close to my face while I breathed in to a count of 4, focussing on the patterns, and slowly dropped it down away from my face and extended the whole arm, breathing out. I did this for a good few hours and when it got really hard I would count or say "focus like a laser and focus on nothing but this" (this is a Juju Sundin Birth Skills technique)

I added gas and air.

I addedd a TENS.

All of this got me to 5cms and then I got an epidural. It was calm and relaxed for all of this.

Anyone have other things that helped them?

Bouncing on the birthing ball through the contractions overnight, focussing on timing the contractions - this really helped me as I couldn't get it right, so by the time I was having a contraction I was too busy thinking 'shit, should have started the timer 30 seconds ago!', and then it would subside.

And gas and air. That really helped.

the main thing though was to just keep reminding myself that it was just another few hours, and once it was done, it would be done and finished and the baby would be here.

I was calmer second time around but I think some of that was because it started spontaneously whereas I was induced with dc1. I did feel more in control of the pain, though probably because I knew it would end. I only went completely crazy lost control right at the end.

When I pushed out dc2 with just g&a I was so exhilarated and thought "Fuck me I just did that! That was brilliant" I finally understood why some people seem to enjoy birth and I never, ever thought I'd feel that way.

I also recovered about 500 times better without the epi (had an episiotomy, forceps etc with dc1 and nothing with dc2, and with dc3 when they started getting my legs in stirrups I started really pushing as I was desperate to avoid any intervention - and I managed it).

Really good luck, I hope you get the birth you'd like.

This is both helping me and scaring me all at the same time!! I'm undecided between going for midwife-led, close, new small hospital where my husband could stay and a big, further away, I've-heard-scare-stories-but-they-have-the-drugs hospital. What if I can't cope with the pain??

I got a doula - my first birth was traumatic and awful - so I got a Doula to help me with the second, and it was the best money i have ever spent - she was brilliant and kept it a positive experience.

First birth had a quick home water birth, what I wanted but don't know how I coped found it very overwhelming. For the second pregnancy insomnia and nightmares about the pain and lack of control started at 33 weeks. Had an epidural, wonderful pain free labour. Two weeks ago now, feel so much better than after first birth. How to cope? For me it was effective analgesia only wish I'd thought of this first time round....

Oh, please keep them coming :D 38+1 with my first and currently gathering information!!
I tried the hypnobirthing cd's but i just found the voice a bit annoying... it was like
"now listen to the sound of my voice... and the crashing waves against the shore...and" no... i don't think i was getting it.. any tips?

mythical I think it's so hard to give much advice as we're all different and labour can do funny things to us all. I hate physical contact when I'm ill and yet would not let go of dh's hand in the later stages of labour. And for me the pain was like extreme period pains but I've heard other people say it felt very different. Like you hypnobirthing was a non-starter for me, I coped better with reading magazines/chatting with dh in between contractions and using a contraction-tracking app which meant I really saw them getting longer and closer together (not that I really needed an app to tell me that )

Something that is worth trying to do is try to stay in control. I don't know if you watch OBEM but you can often tell who will and won't have the birth they'd like. Now I say this completely from the point of view of someone who lost control and did not have the birth I wanted first time round. I also totally accept that for some mums an epidural is the ideal birth.

As some others have said, I would try to concentrate on each contraction and not worry about the ones after that.

Good luck to you too!

For your first baby, be flexible and do whatever makes you feel safe/in control is my best advice. Even if it's something really silly. I don't really think of myself as having much of an instinct(!) about birth, but I found that the things I would normally do to distract myself if I stubbed my toe or split a nail (ow ow ow, deep breath, 1 2 3 4, it's not that bad TeWi you're okay) do also help in labour! It was when I started feeling self-conscious and trying to be quiet stiff upper lip that I lost control and started sobbing for drugs - drugs are great, I had some with both my babies but feeling out of control made me feel scared and that's not what you want really.

If you've got time I really recommend reading the book a couple of us mentioned JuJu Sundin's Birth Skills. It's not hypnobirthing (or any one thing really) just loads of different ideas and how and why they can help you when you are in labour, the author is/was a physio.

First birth - long labour, I hated the tens m/c, but REALLY found the 'breathing the golden thread' thing soothing and helped me through the contractions. Being massaged in lower back with Dr Hauschka's Lavender Oil by dh got me through (he can't look at a Dr H product now without trembling and staring at his 'poor hands'). Had to keep moving and couldn't bear to lie down. Homebirth in water, very fast actual birthing bit. Can't say the birth bit hurt too much - I was dreading the 'burning ring of fire' but actually didn't notice too much.

Second - short, all pains in front rather than back this time. Intense build up, wanted to lie down on side with dh pulling on my arms really, really hard (very weird i know, but that's what I needed.) Homebirth again, no G&A until afterwards, very quick, easy birth (I know how lucky I am btw).

I was utterly dreading the pain and had been told so many horror stories to 'prepare me.' In all honesty, and don't shoot me down - I can only tell my own story - the whole thing wasn't as bad as I'd been expecting. It was intense, unlike anything else, but ultimately, I can honestly say I actually enjoyed both births.

Ohh, i'm quite open minded when it comes to my so called birth plan.. i'm not ruling anything out.. have had quite a shit pregnancy so far so when it comes to labour.. BRING IT ON! at least i'll get a baby at the end of it :P
Have had horrific gallstone attacks before and i do remember warm baths and back massages were the only things that kept me together so will try a similar approach!
As you said it is different for everyone and quite often different for each child :)

Thank you for the book suggestions - currently being downloaded to my kindle!

Mooing?!

Hello, just thought I'd chip in with a technique that really worked for me with my first baby (only one so far).

I did yoga throughout my pregnancy and was taught this breath called the ocean breath. It also has another name which is something like ujaira. I know that you are 32 weeks so at the tail end of your pregnancy but there might be yoga birth preparation classes (as a one off) in your local area. I'm certainly no yoga bunny and had never done yoga before or since so if I can pick it up, anyone can. I'm sure there are better descriptions but it basically involves a technique of breathing as if you were trying to fog up a mirror. I used it all throughout my labour almost to too great an effect. By the time I got to the hospital I was fully dilated and gave birth 53 minutes later...

I also used a TENS machine and bounced on a gym ball.

I know you are interested in pain relief techniques but next time around, I plan to learn how to push. I didn't have a clue what I was doing.

Gosh, reading these has brought it all back. 'Breathing the golden thread'...yep, that worked for me too.

First labour....8 hours. Terribly painful, stuck on ward as mw didn't believe I was in labour!!! Finally got checked for a sweep to find I was 4cms and waters had gone....Horrible time on ward then got into delivery suite and was blissful.

What got me through? Norah Jones. I will personally give her a big sloppy thankyou kiss should our paths ever cross. Nice mw (diff one) encouraged DH to turn the lights low in room, put soothing music on (god love her) and get cracking. Felt safe and relaxed and coped with the contractions well.

Just went into myself. Got so hot and visualised myself jumping in a deep, blue pool which helped. Also got completely off my tits on gas & air....Caught DH hiding a laugh as I swayed with one hand in the air along to Norah. Apparently I looked like the last drunk standing at a wedding.

Remember visualising the contractions as huge, granite, jagged mountains (?!). The gas & air became Astroturf which covered the jagged bits and 'softened' them. Told you I was off my tits.

2nd labour - lot quicker as induced. Much more painful & intense. TENS was bloody fantastic until I went into transition and nearly ripped the fucker off.

Gas & air was my best friend. In fact, I would like some now. Although it made my hearing weird - like I'd just come out of a loud gig & my ears were ringing.

Mooed a lot. Sounded like one of the Walking Dead. Caught DH stifling a laugh at that too which made me laugh but that hurt too much so got cross.

Loved it though. Pushing not as bad as I'd feared as I felt I was doing something. And it was nearly over. Afterpains though...holy shit was worse than labour second time round!! Cocodamol was marvellous.

I jiggled on a ball in my first labour and akin to the fuckfuck woman, said 'Owwww... oo oo ooooo... that hurts... cocking hell.' Or things of that kind. I had pethadine at 5cm and spent the next three hours in a sleepy semi-conscious state. When I started waking up I was ready to push - bonus! Whatever the NCT say, pethadine rocked for me. No Entonox due to mega vomiting issues.

Second labour I was more of a hard bitch and got to hospital 8.5cm. I had a hot water bottle adhered to my bump and lower back towards the end of the day (contractions started about 7am, got there about 9pm; HWB from about 6pm). I bounced on my pelvic bone on the sofa and I breathed really deeply and quite noisily. Going to the hospital soothed me because I felt in control; my breathing deeply on the journey was especially pain-relieving. On the way I also put the seat warmers on (such a good feature of our car when it comes to labour) so had front and back covered.

Then a couple of sucks of Entonox when I arrived and baby out about 10pm. It was nice.

You sound like you coped really well! I reckon you could forego the epidural but as usual - no worries if you do feel you need one when the time comes.

Cocking hell - I'm nicking that phrase

DD1 - TENS really helped for the long latent phase and up to about 6cm, then gas & air, shouting chanting & the water & warmth of the birth pool. Needed to be on all fours for contractions and pacing in between. Visualised pushing on to the top of a hill for the peak of contractions. Focused on each one being just one, leaving the last behind and not thinking of the next.

DD2 - much quicker labour, paced for the early stages, lengthening the out breath which turned onto chanting (then almost operatic singing!!). Found leaning forward holding onto eg worktops and swaying hips really good, or blowing out and pushing my arms away from me with outstretched hands (no idea why, really worked, like pushing the pain away). Again, the warmth of the water saved me at the point when I was losing focus. Really found doing contractions one at a time and savouring the gaps was the way to get through. My hypnotherapy CD told me to think of them as being in the sun and the instensity reduces as the sun goes behind a cloud, also tried to think of an I M G (iirc) line "this is not pain - it is a strong sensation that requires all of my attention".

(I did love labour/giving birth. Look back on both experiences with real nostalgia and would be very sad if I thought I wouldn't get to experience contractions again, so I am a bit weird! I realise I was lucky to have positive experiences and often keep quiet as don't want to offend)

Hypnotherapy sessions before DC2 gave me confidence that I could cope after evil birth of DC1. Visualised my labour as a net bag full of bath bomb type spheres. When each contraction arrived I 'took' a sphere out of the bag, crushed it I'm my fist then, at the peak of the contraction, blew the dust away. The good things were realising that the bag was emptying with each contraction and thinking of the peak as the end point of each contraction. Like others I also kept reminding myself that giving birth is completely normal, millions of women manage it and so why shouldn't I? And I asked DH to keep telling me that I was doing really well. I have an overriding memory of him frantically rubbing my back chanting it over and over rather frantically! All over in five hours and a totally different experience.

Being at home helped enormously - I was so much more relaxed than I'd anticipated. I walked and walked and walked through each contraction to about 7cm. Towards the end, walking up and down the stairs helped more than being on the flat. Laughter helped - spent the morning laughing at DH and our friend hopelessly attempting to connect the birth-pool hose to the kitchen tap, failing, breaking the connector, friend madly racing round hardware shops looking for another connector with a photo of the tap on his phone and ultimately constructing a complicated arrangement of tubes to connect the hose to the upstairs tap. Getting into the pool was bliss, although it did slow things down a bit. Midwife told me to focus on one visual point in the room and send the pain to it, which helped for a bit. Overall, it was nowhere near as bad as I'd expected - yes it hurt, yes it was bloody hard work, but I felt safe and relaxed throughout, and movement made a massive difference.

My absolute key thing was to NOT PANIC. That way i felt like i was still in control, no matter how bad it felt. And part of this was remembering that the pain was supposed to be there - it wasn't the pain from an injury or accident, but from a natural process happening inside me.

During my second labour, during 35 min car journey to the hospital, I stared at a light on the dashboard (was night time) and kind of zoned out while I focussed on it.

Lots of deep growling noises, basically each breath out was one long growl, breathe back in, breathe out with a growl again .... And so on!!

Remember pulling down hard on DH hand during one birth, almost lifting myself off the bed. Really seemed to help?! DH told me later it was really wearing him out and he was struggling to keep supporting me, but didn't dare say anything!!

During one birth I needed to not be touched or spoken to during contractions - did a "talk to the hand" action to the midwife at one point!! And I remember the midwife snottily suggesting to DH that he could be rubbing my back, but he knew better than to try it!!

Sounds like I've had loads of births doesn't it?! Only 3 though! All painful, but all survivable. And all worth it.

Swearing helped with my first, I found.

With my 2nd, G&A.

Although with my second I felt nothing until I was 8cms anyway.

Gas & air, rolling hips around on a birthing ball, breathing through contractions and fierce, fierce concentration. And having a cry every now and again for a release!
The midwife told me she'd never seen a woman concentrate and focus so much through contractions and later said she'd told other women about me
Bloody hard work isnt it. But like Fares says, all painful but all survivable. Thats a very good mantra, actually :)

Havent read everything but I read a book that said that the longest contraction will never last more than 90 seconds so I counted. Every single contraction I counted and never got to 90. It really helped me focus.

Apart from when there's no break between them. And with a baby who is stuck the contractions don't achieve anything either they just keep going until the dozy midwife eventually calls the obstetrician and rush you to theatre.

Ok, just to aid mine.

woke at 3am, went to the loo, same at 3.30am, same at 4am thought it was just my back playing uo (very bad injury) Sat up reading from 4.30am woke DP up at 7am COntraction where 45seconds every 5mins at 9am called hospital how said you better start making your way (I live 4 hours from the hospital) got in car and drove. DP drove most of the way, stoped every hour or so and got out and had a walk, contract stayed at every 5mins untill we got to hopsital.

Was by this point 5cm and told I could come back so went and walked round the shopping center and had a Maccies (Sorry)! Brought food for the hopsital went back at 4pm, 7cm dilated. By 5.30pm went in to birthing room, contract still at every 5min still for 45seconds. Gyno exame at 6pm who said and I quote "your contraction are ineffienct and will not push the baby out, do NOT get in the pool (bastard) i will check again in a hour and if they are still no better we will give you the drip" 15mins latter said to DP better call the gyno he is wrong baby comming now. Baby born on all fours, gyno said and I quote again "all the screaming is a waste of energy do it my way, 2 pushes and she will be out no stiches" so we gave birth in silence 2 pushes ans 10pound 8 oz dd was borne! gyno still calle me "his Firm women" No gas and air, noubt and my lovely big birthing pool and I never made it into it!

Kept thinkng women have been doing this is hundreds of years if they can I can!

Should add I could not have an epi, or gas and air, or a ga (in case of crash a baby so big) so I had told gyno if there was a proble "just to get DD out"!

Our bodies are designed for birth and everyone thought I was mental to drive for 4 hours in labour, but I felt safe there and I had a great brith!

Everything went very pear shapped after but it was no ones fault!

I just kept saying to myself things like "you'll be able to eat properly tonight" and "not long now" during the early labour. I remember feeling slightly detached during the actual labour with DD2 tho, almost like an out of body experience IYSWIM? (although apparently I did try to bite DH's hand...)