Toddlers and labour - how do I prepare a 3yo for witnessing possible emergency home birth?

[lindsell]

I have a (just) 3yo ds and am 37wks with dc2, my first labour was only 2.5hrs and went from no contractions to contractions every 5mins.

Dh works about 30mins away as does the friend who is lined up to look after ds when i go into labour this time.

What I'm really worried about is that I'll be at home on my own with ds when it kicks off and if I go straight to contractions every 5mins again I won't be able to hide the pain from ds and by the time I've got dh & friend to get here I might have to end up with an emergency home birth.

I'm not sure how to (or whether I should) say anything to ds in advance to prepare him for this possiblity and if it does happen then what should I say to him at the time? Should I put him up in his room or involve him?

My dm thought putting him in his room could scare him as he'd be able to hear me screaming in pain (if last time is anything to go by!) but wouldn't know what was going on. But then if I have him with me he could get really scared too/hate the baby for making me be in pain etc.

He understands things quite well but he's only 3...

Any tips/experience? TIA!

This may sound a bit bonkers but maybe have a planned homebirth? Then you can explain what will happen? Better than an emergency. I'm planning a homebirth with dc2 and DS will be 3yo and in the house but just writing that out it looks even more bonkers!!

Otherwise, distraction techniques (new toys at the ready!) or making an arrangement with a neighbour to take him for 20 mins??

My DD is 3,5 and we've watched One Born Every Minute together! She is quite aware now of how babies are being born and that Mummies are in pain while giving birth.
Not frightened at all...

My niece was a bit younger 19 months when my sis suddenly went into labour. It was a very sudden intense labour all over in 1 hour and no phone to ring anyone (was 20 years ago) but she was found crying in the corner by the ambulance driver saying mummys crying, mummys hurting. Not sure how it affected her long term, but it did upset her at the time.

I had a planned homebirth for my 4th as the others were all very quick and didn't make it to hospital with the 3rd.
I did very little other than showing the children the box of bits that the midwife brought, I did take the youngest who was nearly 3 when i was due, to the midwife appointments.
I also had a special box of toys, books, new dvd, packet of biscuits and sweets all ready to give to him as to be honest I only expected to have to amuse him for less than an hour if I was due to give birth on my own.
As it turned out all 3 slept through it and it was all over in 50 minutes from the first twinge and the midwife just made it in time and then everyone had gone and we were all tucked up in bed 2 hours later.
It was the best thing seeing the faces of the older children when they found their new brother in the cot.
If on the day you don't fancy a home birth you don't have to but at least you are prepared.

I'm in a similar situation - I have only lived in the village I do for a few months, but am going to ask some of the local mums if I can take their numbers just in case. My mum had her second whilst my sister (2 at the time) played in the house - my brother was apparently out very quickly and my mum didn't shout or scream - lucky girl. Good luck. Like othersa have said, maybe plan a homebirth??

A planned HB could be a very good option for you.

I've just had dc3 at home, the big 2 were also born at home.

When I had dd, ds1 was about to turn 2, we didn't talk about it too much. This time he is 5 and dd is 3. We talked a fair bit, ds1 asked lots of questions, I showed them proper pictures so they knew all about the waters, placenta, that it could be messy and that mummy has to stretch lots to get the baby out so it hurts but I sais they shouldn't worry because it isn't "hurty blood" (what dd says if she grazes her knees/cuts herself).

They both slpt through it and came down in the morning while we were waiting for the placenta so they saw their brother with cord attached and then ds1 got a guided tour of the placenta from the MW .

Is there nobody closer to help though? Even if you don't know them well it i s worth asking. IME people are very happy to and often flattered that you would ask them. I had a huge long list pinned by the phone both times with numbers, times people could help and so on.

one word : Cbeebies

available any time of night or day on iplayer, much more interesting than Mummy giving birth.

and last time might not be anything to go by. second labours are often much less hard going, and every labour is different.. you might not make noise

Ds aged 3 watched Ice Age 3 obsessively when I was very pregnant, which includes a mammoth giving birth. It was very useful as a way to explain the baby may want to come out suddenly. But that I neednt worry about being attacked by dinosaurs...

If your child is with you during a fast birth with no other adults present, have them in the room with you (unless deeply asleep in a safe place). If you are worrying about your child, your panic will multiply. Mother's instinct to protect your child will make you birth more calmly.
From 37 weeks, have a carrier bag of old towels handy.These are to dry and wrap the baby.
Plan which room you would use if it happened ie warm
Have a phone handy. 999 ambulance will talk you through what to do while an ambulance is on its way. Speakerphone is good.
If you have called the ambulance, try to put front door on latch so they can get in. Ambulance will call the local midwives.
These births usually end very well and become part of family history.

Plan a HB.

Get Hello Baby and Runa's Birth.

Watch www.mybirth.tv not OBEM

I've had two HB with children present - at the first they 'partook' and held things for the MW, roared like a lion just like Mummy At the second, they whinged about how long it was taking and how boring it was. And then were sent back to bed. I'd made them watch a few episodes of Home Grown Babies & Home Birth Diaries, we'd read HB books.

Thanks all for your advice

I know it might make sense to have a planned HB but I really don't fancy it (stupid I know...) would much rather go to the v nice birth centre which is only 10mins away. I think it would take MWs a good 30mins to get here anyway if there are any available (maternity services v stretched here)

We live in London and don't really know neighbours certainly not well enough to leave ds with (I would panic more about that than the birth! Pfb...). I do have some friends closer but they all have small babies/toddlers and probably wouldn't be able to come much quicker unless their oh's were home.

Thanks for the video/book recommendations, i'll check those out - not sure about OBEM though - that scares me sometimes He does love books about babies though so a child friendly version about birth may be a good idea. He likes looking at my pg book which does have some pics of labour in so maybe I just need to talk him through those.

Ds isn't usually allowed to watch any tv/DVDs (pfb again!) so you may well be right that it will keep him occupied!

Fingers crossed it won't be necessary and all will happen at night/when he's in nursery!

Thanks again all, some useful ideas

Just ordered 'hello baby' which looks great, thanks for the recommendation youchange

Ice Age 3 :)

i watched thinking 'get up you silly Mammoth, move around to give birth!'

to be fair, she is on a collapsing mountainside...

Lindsell - I'm in London too and know how hard it can be. You might not be comfortable leaving DS with the neighbours, but could a neighbour maybe come round and sit with DS in front of the telly whilst your DH and friends make it round? I know I would be thrilled to be asked to help out like that, even if I didn't know my neighbours well. Likewise, if asked by a friend in an emergency situation like that, unless it was the middle of the night (when your DS could sleep through it), I could scoop up the kids (3 and 10 months) and be out the door in about 5 minutes. People love to help with a drama!

Hypnobirthing? I know you are 37 weeks so it may not seem like much time but I didn't do it "officially" last time, just listened to a CD that I got off audible for about £7.99 and I was totally silent during contractions though I was having back labour and was induced.

That and a good dvd for your toddler (the novelty alone will work well!), big bowl of snacks to keep them busy, anything else that occupies them, new toys etc.

My friend was home with her 4 year old contracting for 2 hours waiting for her dh to come home, she progressed rapidly and when dh/childcare got there, they had to rush straight to hospital (30 mins away) and literally were in hospital for 23 mins before the birth.. He was watching dvds and when she knew she was getting stronger ones she would go into the kitchen and just breathe and then come back between them. Her son never even realised. The motivation to not show him your pain or distress him will most probably be greater than the pain you are in. The story my hypnobirthing midwife told me was about an All-Black rugby player who ripped his scrotum in the opening moments of a major game, yet was so motivated by the game that he didn't actually realise he needed stitches til the end.

The mind is really powerful, if you end up in this situation you will just do it, you will hold off really letting go probably until you are sorted too. My friend's first labour was shorter but in the second one she knew she couldn't just let go until her dh came, and then again until she got to the hospital.

You will be fine!