Just want to cry!

[NoFoodwithaFace]

Had a HORRIFIC birth with DS! (now 8 months).
Involved being induced, once the induction started, they said they were too busy to take me up to the labour ward, leaving me in labour for four days. I had two sweeps, the application of the pessary and gels several times as wwell as being checked. By this time I was exhausted! Finally taken down had waters broken, epidural etc. Put on a sytocin drip, the dosage was to high that made mine and babies heart rates shoot up, cue loads of doctors etc. Got told to stop complaining etc and push, eventually found out baby was back to back (midwife told me this weeks before which I said. Midwife on call said he wasn't). Ends up with me having a spinal block and being taken into theatre for forceps delivery. When I was in the stirrup with about 10 doctos, one fo them told a joke and they all started laughing. I was in so much agony, I said to DP i genuinley would of shot myself if I had a gun at that point, since DS was on a nerve in my spine and it was tearing through my stomach. After this horrific ordeal I was put in the corridor and told they'd find me a bed when the nurses shift changed. I was left there for four hours, DP was sent home (after an hour of DS being born since it was pm) and I was left to care for DS having had a spinal block and unable to move! Had no help bf and then me and DS both got infections and had to stay for a few days.

Since then the episotomy scar I had is so painful. It's not the external scar but the fact I tore internally and needed stitches internally up to my cervix. This bit has been sooo painful for 8 months and i've started geting cysts on the damaged tissue.

I went to the doctors this morning to talk about the cysts. The doctor insisted on having a look even though I assured her that they were internal. I let her and now i'm just sat here crying. Doctors touching me just makes me shudder and want to cry after that experience, particuarly the continuous internal exams and memory of the doctors laughing when I was about to pass out from agony. She sad today I'm healing fine and sent me on my way. I m just sat here crying :(

I'm sure someone with more experience will be along soon but didn't want this to be left unanswered that is absolutely horrific and I am so sorry you went through that

My God, that sounds awful. So sorry you had this experience - I have no read advice to give, just didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I would go back to the GP or another one if possible, and perhaps consider some sort of counselling to help with both your traumatic birth and your (understandable) phobia of doctors. I am sure someone will be along with more practical advice soon - I really hope you get the help you need.

Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry you had such a horrific experience. I sympathise- I had PTSD from my first birth and had to have a CBT and EMDR to get me better.
I blogged my journey through it childbirthptsdandme.wordpress.com/ which may help you but I suggest you speak to someone about how you are feeling about the birth and start to work through it. I just gave birth to my second and honestly it was a magical and very healing experience (originally down to ELCS I changed my mind) you will get through this. My memories of DD1's birth are just that memories- they dont have the same power over me that they used to.
Look after yourself.
Also re. the healing cysts- maybe get a second opionion? are you breastfeeding? a friend of mine had similar and her not healing fast was due to hormonal post natal issues partly caused by breastfeeding- just mentioing it incase it helps

Oh OP, that's utterly horrendous :(

Can you be referred back to gynae re the cysts? And maybe speak to your GP about some counselling?

Thank you everyone :) Sorry for the poorly worded post, was trying to trim down the story!

Trying to get a GP appointment round here is like gold dust! I've waited over six weeks for the terrible one i've just had. Its really hard when I know DP's sick of hearing about it but I just can't seem to get over it. Is there any other way to get counseling other than through the GP?
I just feel let down that I went through so much and no ones even checked if i'm okay. The GP is just not the sort of person I'd feel like confessing to. I wanted to tell her today how its affected me, i've got such bad anxiety since the midwife left me when I was in agony to go and get the anethist for the spinal block. I get really panicked when I'm left in places by myself.

God, i'm such a strong person usually, but this experience has just ruined me! I am still bf LadyCurd, that's really interesting to know. thank you!

Oh my goodness. Your post made my cry. Had a similar experience (though the staff were no where near as crass and insensitive as you describe). I honestly think you need to get a referal to a gynaecologist asap. If you can't see a gp can you get one to call you? Our surgery does that but i know it varies hugely around the country. After lots of farting around once i got a referal to the gynae dept at the hospital things started to happen. In addition to getting the physical treatment i needed i was offered an appointment with a counsellor through the hospital. I also found the gynae nurse practitioner was wonderful, especially regarding ongoing treatment and i was able to call her direct if i had any issues rather than go through the gp. Obviously, all this depends on getting there in the first place, and after your experience i doubt you want to ever go near a hospital again - if all else fails and you are in pain can you make a nuisance of yourself at a&e?. This is also probably a long shot, but counselling is sometimes available through your or your partners employers. Please don't feel you have to put up with this.

I can't believe the appalling treatment you have received! You are an incredibly strong person to be able to speak about it! I don't know if you would consider it, but would putting in a formal complaint to the hospital make a difference? If they didn't act on it and provide you with the support you need to heal both physically AND emotionally, I would be looking into no-win-no-fee solicitors. I'm not a fan of the compensation culture, but it's situations like this which it was originally intended for, so you can use the compensation to pay for treatment to heal yourself. Good luck with everything.

have emailed my pal who had it to come onto this thread- she is also mumsnetter and maybe be able to help

This is awful! Medical staff have a professional duty to respect patients? dignity. I would definitely complain to the NHS trust where you had your baby. It might not do any good, but it might get it off your chest. People seem scared to complain as many think it could possibly effect their level of treatment. You seem quite traumatised, and I can understand why, but you need to take steps to help yourself both physically and emotionally. Like someone else said, get a referral to Gynae, and perhaps some councilling. A 6 week wait time at the docs is unacceptable - could you change surgery? No one should have to tolerate this treatment! I feel so sorry for you - I've not been much help, hope you can be ok after this:) Big hugs x

Oh, this sounds really awful, and so scary. I think you deserve an apology from the hospital tbh, have you thought about making a complaint?

You can find 'birth trauma counsellors' who do full debriefs and help you process traumatic experiences, I had a bad time once and it helped me a lot.

You can also access counselling through your GP, I told mine I felt wonky and because I had a youngish baby (about 9 months I think) I got quick treatement to avoid risk of PND/PTSD developing.

So sorry this happened to you x

Farking hell. That sounds horrific.
I think it's time to get angry to be honest. Phone the unit where you gave birth and request a debrief with the Midwife Supervisor. Write down everything they upset you about the birth and tell/read it to her.
Make clear you have ongoing issues that are not being cared for and you require her help in addressing that, and see what they can do in the way of referrals/counselling.

OP so sorry to hear this.

the first thing to say is that there is nothing wrong in feeling as you do right now with everything you have been through.

your priority is your own health and counselling but after that definitely contact the patient liaison unit where you gave birth and complain.

birth trauma counselling is a good option and helps you regain most if not all your old self. google for your local area. Some areas have local support groups that are free to use.

Im so sorry this happened, I had an awful childbirth experience and 21 months on im only now getting help for it as I was too worried to seek help before.
maybe to your Health Visitor, Mine reffered me to a Mums in Mind group where it was a small group councelling sessions, it changed my life, I still get support now but for over a year they have pushed me to call for birth trauma councelling (your HV will refer you or give you number to call) I had a phone session and she (a midwife trained in councelling) told me I have post traumatic stress, I have an appointment booked for 3 weeks time where im meeting her with my birthing notes to try and make sense of what happened, I already feel loads better, I have also been reffered to a gynae unit as I dont feel right, I wish I had made that call months ago rather than hid it away.
Also sounds like a complaint should be made about how you were treated.
I really hope you feel loads better really soon.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear how dreadfully you were treated both during labour and post natally.

I wonder if the hospital offers a service to talk you through what happened? My sis in law was offered this after she had a similar experience. Maybe contact the Director of Midwifery for the Trust, or whatever job title and explain the traumatic feelings you still have.

The advice of others about getting a referral to gynae specialist seems good too. Do you have a friend who would help you make phone calls/write letters sometimes when something has affected you so greatly it can feel just too much to think about taking it further, but a little support can make things feel more achieveable.

Very best wishes for the future and hope all goes well from now on x

Sorry everyone, I was in a bit of state and didn't want to read this back for a few days. I think i'm going to make a complaint to the hospital, I think more just so they regconise that they should of treated me better which might help me get over it a bit!

Thanks for all your advice :) I think i'm going to ask for a referral, it surely can't be right my stitches are still painful after 8 months!

It means alot knowing that people understand. It's very frustrating at the moment, DP's pregnant auntie keeps going on about the delights of natural birth etc and how its so good for the baby. I can't wait until she goes into labour and realises it doesn't always go to plan and sometimes you don't have control!

NoFoodwithaFace

Can you say which hosp this is? I am not sure of etticute/protocol....it sounds like story from one near me.
Please do complain, even an annoymous letter, to try and prevent this for next poor girl!
You poor poor thing.

I really feel for you. Definitely make a complaint to the hospital.

I had a traumatic birth experience nearly 6 months ago and have been diagnosed with PTSD and am about to start counselling for this in the next few weeks.

I had to have a smear test at my colposcopy unit when my DS was 16 weeks and I was in tears during it (and for the rest of the day) as the chair that they have is positioned similar to how I gave birth with legs up in stirrups and it just brought back the most horrific memories.

It really is worth trying to get in to see a GP again and just tell them you feel very traumatised by your birth experience, you dont feel right in yourself and want to be referred for counselling to help you get over the experience. If a receptionist tries to fob your off when you call tell them you have PND and need to speak to someone ASAP as you are not coping. That should bump you up the list of priority.

You could always speak to a Health Visitor who might be able to get you an appointment quicker.

How awful. You were treated very wrongly at that hospital, complain please! also request cbt or emdr (even faster and better in some ways) from your GP. Go asking directly for therapy, don't let them just give you drugs.
I developed ptsd 13 months ago and asked for help pretty early on, but it was only 8 months later that i got cbt and now I am sooo much better.
So sorry this has happened .