Advice and opinions needed please.

[Bubblebell1]

I am expecting dc3 in October.

With ds1 I was induced at 41 wks and labour was straight forward.
Ds2 I had an elcs due to breech presentation.

In march 2010 I fell pregnant again after trying for 2 years and taking clomid. I was approx 5 weeks pg and went for an early scan. The sonographer said that I was infAct 12 weeks pregnancy and was dead. She told me my baby had attached to my bowel or liver and that i needed emergency surgery to remove it.
I tried to explain that this was highly unlikely as I'd been poas every month for 2 years and had scans to check ovulation recently. I asked for a second opinion but instead was prepped for theatre.
When I woke i asked if they had found it and I was told no. Drs had rummaged for hours looking for this baby and they couldn't find it so they decided to stitch me back up and scan me again. I was scanned 2 days later. I had already been bleeding and I was told by the same sonographer that they had made a mistake and my pregnancy (6 + 2) was infact in my womb. Over the following days my hcg levels dropped and I miscarried.
Needless to say we were devastated and since then I suffered severely with anxiety and depression.

I also developed psychosomatic abdominal pain from the trauma and often spend periods of time in hospital with pain management.

So this is my dilemma.
I am so anxious about the arrival of this little 1 and am paranoid it will not actually happen iykwim?
I am worried that the uncertainty of labour and birth will drive me deeper into my anxiety and depression and I was hoping that my consultant would offer me another cs so as to avoid the despair I felt after the incident in 2010.

Or would they perhaps induce me at term so that I had a date to get things straight in my mind. ?

Tia

Ahhhh - tears in my eyes for you. {hugs} {hugs} {hugs}

Congratulations on your current pregnancy - I too am due in October, so I will be thinking of you :) I am so glad for you that you have your much wanted dc3 on the way. :)

I wouldn't know where to begin to suggest how to cope with your worries, it must be such a traumatic thing to go through, it is hard enough when you are ttc without such a horrendous mistake!!

I can only imagine that the solution would be very very very personal to you! I could think that being 'in control' and having a natural birth would be important to someone in your shoes. But equally I can imagine that a set date and knowing when you will meet your baby would equally be a plausible way to manage your anxieties.

My only sensible suggestion would be to (if you haven't already) have lots of counselling throughout the rest of your pregnancy. You have been through a huge trauma and I don't think there is a quick fix. This has made its mark on you and that isn't going to go away. However for the sake of you, your family and your new little one the more you can heal the wound the better and it might help you organise your thoughts and conclude what the best plan for your birth will be. The right counsellor could really make a difference and help you do what is best and right for you.

I hope the hospital have accepted responsibility for their mistake and apologised if nothing else.

I hope someone else also has some useful advice for you - perhaps someone who has been through similar - I haven't, but couldn't not respond to your post. :)

Thanks gin. I should have written in my first post that I see a consultant psychiatrist monthly and a psychologist weekly. I have been referred to a professor of psychiatry that specialises in antenatal and postnatal care and will see her aswell.

I'm thinking that any kind if abdo pain will trigger the anxieties and cause me to loose control.

I'd also rather talk to them when I'm informed rather than just my usual confused ramblings.

Phew! - glad you are being taken care of in that way. :)

Could you try cognitive behavioural therapy to help you manage against the anxieties being triggered by abdo pain - can't think you will be able to avoid abdo pain, however your baby arrives, so some prep in the meantime to mentally prepare you, I imagine, might be more useful than the how event occurs on the day iyswim.

All the best with it. :)

My understanding is that they don't usually like to induce if you have had a previous section.

Also, I think are highly likely to get a repeat section if you ask.

What a horrible situation. I sympathise with you a lot. I haven't been through what you have, but I was told at 6 weeks + 5 days with this pregnancy that it wasn't viable and at 10 weeks that I was miscarrying, only to find out in scan before ERPC I wasn't and I suffer with anxiety/depression/OCD (related to this but really it was just a trigger for other, deeper worries).

I see a consultant psychiatrist every 2 weeks at present, but no counsellor - is psychologist doing actual intervention with you or reviewing or monitoring?

I am trying Hypnobirthing as a way of managing the anxiety, starting in about a fortnight and have been fortunate that it is being done by community midwives who know my MH status (though paying privately).

However, I feel just the same as you. I am going to prepare for natural for now, but if I don't feel secure by 36 weeks or so (only a few weeks away!), I am going to ask about an induction at term. I don't have a previous history of section though, don't know if this makes a difference as above. It is very hard to know what to do. I have trawled through all the antenatal/perinatal scientific literature and can find no advice on what is best course of action for birth itself. Are you on antidepressants?

Yes my traumatic experience triggered underlying issues.
Especially since I was abused by my first psychiatrist and now in the process of a long and drawn out criminal court case

Yes I am on antidepressants. I was extremely worried that the drugs would/will cause harm to the bean but I'm reassured otherwise.

Bubblebell1

Life has given you a really raw deal!!!! Thank goodness you have a lovely family to surround you.

Thanks gin I do feel incredibly lucky to have such a fantastic dp and dc.
I'm proud that I'm still standing and attempting to regain a bit of normality in my life.

It's so hard. Obviously pregnancy is a worrying time for any woman but I'm feeling like I've no hope because of all my issues.

You certainly should feel proud!!!

You do have hope - you do. That's not to say what you have been through hasn't scarred but with the right people around you and ways to cope you can have happiness in your life - that's what it is all about.

It isn't the same - not at all - but I have a large physical scar and over the course of 10 years the phantom pains and angry appearance has reduced leaving me with a scar I can live with.

You have good things in your life and I hope they keep you afloat.