Emergency CS/bonding

[forcedinsomnia]

Hi there....not sure if this is the right place to post this and I'm happy to move if necessary. Long sorry!! Just wondering how other new mums dealt with the post emergency cs trauma? At the time I didn't realise how much I think it affected me and DS. Don't get me wrong now ds and I are very very close and we have no problems atm. However looking back I think the whole affair affected us greatly.
The story goes - at 40+12 I was sent to hospital to be induced. Was given the Misoprostal tablet for induction. Left for 14 hrs, no signs of labour. They were monitoring DS heartbeat as he was showing signs of stress already. Still only dilated 2 cm and no contractions. They broke my water later that morning - left for a few hours and still no sign of labour. Was then put on the IV drip - pictocin. This eventually seemed to start things going. DS is still being monitored and his heartbeat is through the roof. By this time I had been in the hospital for about 24 hrs and only just really gone into labour.
Anyway after a few more hours and the drip being increased several times there's not much movement, contracting every 5 mins but only dilated about 4 cm!! By this time the dr's are concerned about DS as his heartbeat still hadn't decreased. They took a feotal blood sample (ouch!) which showed DS oxygen level was fine so left me in labour. Fine for me but by now I'm really worried about DS. An hour later I notice the drip is leaking and it turns out the bloody thing had been soaking the bed and not going into me!!! This was sorted and then the labour really starts. Dr's then come and do another feotal blood sample as they are still concerned about ds....oxygen level fine. Left in loabour. The midwife then prepares me for surgery because she knows (from experience I suppose) that I am going to need a Em CS. Me worried - baby stressed. Yet again the dr's come and do a feotal blood sample (3rd time!!), I say please stop wasting time and get it sorted....if baby is stressed I want him out asap. I then get taken into theatre and the whole thing is over in a matter of minutes!!! (I was induced at 4pm on Tuesday and he was born at 4.30am on Thurday) DS swallows some of his poo on the way out so gets whipped away (I have no immediate contact/skin to skin time at all!) DS gets taken to ICU and put on a drip for anti-biotics. DH gets to go in and look at him while they stitch me up etc. I then get to hold DS 2 hours after birth.
Now I realise that thousands of people have gone through similar or much much worse - but I just wondered if you think this had anything to do with initial bonding etc. I really struggled in the beginning. Wondered if my/DS experiences during those few days had had an effect.
I adore him and always have but he is a very stressed baby and finds it hard to relax.
Would love to know what you all think and if I'm way off mark. My gorgeous boy is now 8 mo and doing fine - but he hated being a tiny baby.
Sorry for the epic post. But when I watch OBEM I see the initial bonding and feel like I've missed out.

It's hard to know what causes an anxious baby.

I had dd vaginally and spent lots of time bonding; she was still an anxious baby and an anxious child and looks fair to be an anxious adult. It's just her.

Ds was born by emergency cs and though we did have skin to skin I was quite ill and pretty well out of it for the first night of his life. I have vague memories of a new midwife walking on in the morning and saying "oh you dear you can't see the baby, I'll just move the cot and me feeling vaguely guilty because I hadn't even noticed I couldn't see him. He was the most placid and sunny and easy-going baby you could imagine.

I think you just have to go with the flow and accept the baby you have and eventually think of how you can teach them to deal with sensitivity.

You poor thing! I really feel for you having read this post From what I can infer, you seem negatively affected
by your babba's birth, but the good thing is that by opening up about it now, you are taking the first steps to moving on.

What a long time to labour and what a lor of invasive examinations/tests you both went through. I imagine that you would have been thoroughly exhausted by the end, recovering from an epic labour and EMCS. Have you had a de-brief from rhe hospital as to why the labour took so long, when bub was so evidently in distress? That might be worth something in terms of answers and closure.

I think that the really important thing to bear in mind though, is that the way the baby is born is merely a means to an end: in no way does it set you up for the relationship that the two of you will have during your lives. You say that your lad is a stressed baby, but it could be that he is tense because you are (this is an assumption made from what I've inferred from your post). Forgive yourself and stop assuming he's stressed because of the way he was born. And again, his temperament now is not cast in stone. 8 months is still very early days.

You may feel that you missed out on the immediacy of the bond that some mothers have from the moment the baby pops out, but you speak with such great affection for your son that this is proof that maternal love is one that grows with each passing day. And he's only 8 months old - wait til he gets to 18 months; 2 years old; 3 years old and he's showering you with kisses and telling you how much he loves you. You have so much to look forward to! Don't let the way he was born spoil all the wonderful times yet to come.

Good luck, and enjoy being a Momma! Xx

Oh thank you, to you both. (Lunarlyte you made me cry a little!!) He is now a happy little baby, or would be if it wasn't for his pesky teething!!! But when he was small he was very agitated a lot of the time. I have read some information online (can't remember where now?) saying there was a correlation between the way a baby is born and the effect on the baby/mum bonding in the early days/weeks/months.
I am confident that we are as close as possible now...even though he still isn't a big cuddler.
He is now a very independant and bright baby - so I must have done something right. But it was very hard work in the early days.
Thanks again for your replies. Any more wise musnetters?

Your birth was very similar to mine. Went over due 40+12 then had waters broken, ouch, then on the drip. Baby was distressed and his heart stopped so they whipped him out. I was in a very bad way physically but emotionally was absolutely fine. The nurses put him next to my bed but I coldn't see him but I was pretty out of it for the first day. I couldn't stretch far enough to push the red button when he was choking on some sick as they had put me so that the button was out of reach. Tried breast feeding for 2 weeks but milk died up. I never felt guilty about this as had traumatic birth and have met more healthy formula fed babies than breast fed. So all in all not a great start but. He was a bad tempered, hard work baby but grew up into a very happy toddler. I never think it was my fault as the birth couldn't have gone any other way, it is not my fault I didn't dilate! Please don't go along thinking so negatively. The first few days/weeks are such a short time in a babies life, it's the later months when he is learning to walk and talk that are more important and oyu sound like a lovely mother.

Hey again, just be careful what you read on the Internet. Most of what is written is unedited and unverified; you might have picked up on something that seemed to explain bonding issues - only it could have had a hidden adgenda.

Oh, and I totally agree with Stay123 You do sound like a lovely mother :)

I had a very similar birth. I started naturally but just didn't progress at all - after 36 hours of contractions that averaged every 3-4 mins and lasted 2-3 mins in length I had only gone from 2cm (that I had already been at my sweep days before!) to 4cm, I hadn't slept and was vomiting so much I couldn't even keep fluids down. Went for an epidural, baby was discovered to be distressed, they broke my waters to get a foetal blood sample and discovered I had been leaking waters for days and they were very infected. Had an emcs immediately and DD was rushed off to NICU, where she stayed for 5 days.

I didn't see DD for 10 hours. I know they showed her to me in the theatre but I didn't have my glasses on and couldn't see a damn thing. DP went with her while I was in recovery, and then I finally went to see her the next morning.

For the first few days I thought DP had bonded better but that seems to have changed now I am at home with DD (9 weeks now). But I know exactly what you mean about feeling as though you've missed out. I think the exact same things when I watch something like OBEM. I don't mind the emcs at all, but I do feel very.... sad? depressed? I'm not sure - that DD was whisked away and I never saw her when she was all scrunched up and gunky. My first sight of my baby was when someone pointed at her in a cot in NICU and basically said 'that one's yours'. Whatever, the whole experience was enough for me to know I will fight tooth and nail for an elcs next time so this doesn't happen again.

I don't have anything to say about your DS being an anxious baby though I suspect lunarlyte is right, but I just wanted to say that I totally understand how you feel and sympathise. It is difficult when something as important as birth didn't go to plan and you feel as though you missed out on an once in a lifetime experience. All I can really say is that it is a good thing that you have acknowledged your experience and your feelings, and you do sound like you are a lovely mum!