Male Obstetrician - newbie question experience needed!

[WaitingForLittleR]

Hello ladies! help please from those of you who have had kids!

I'm in the very lucky position of being able to pick my hospital and doctor for private care because my work insurance is covering it. I'm going to go private since I'm paying for that insurance, so will get some payback for it! Nearest private hospital/wing only has male obstetricians, which I feel uncomfortable about - would prefer a woman. Not sure whether to pick a hospital further away just becase of this though - am I being funny about this?

So here's the question - how much does the obstetrician actually do 'down there'?! Or is it mostly the midwives?

No experience of private but I'd have thought it would mostly be the midwives in labour unless something starts going wrong. In which case I'm not sure you'd get your obstetrician anyway, wouldn't it just be the one who was on call that day/night? So if you were under a female one you might still get a male on the day?? Worth asking if that's the case if you did end up tryingbto get a female ob.

i've had 3 private births, two female obstetricians.

my honest opinion - go with a male ob. women ob's seem to be heartless in my experience. hugely gross generalisation and i'm against making such sweeping statements too! but hey, this is the internet and you don't know me. i've compared notes with my gp sil and she says the same.

nothing wrong with a male obstetrician. there is very little interference with your fanjo - just a listen to the heartbeat every appointment and the odd ultrasound.

go for it, i think it will be fine. and fwiw IF i ever have another baby, i'll be going with a male ob.

Male obgyns tend to have a better bedside manner . Never used one privately but know a lot of doctors.

Thanks for so many quick responses! Really interesting to hear your opinions on Male obgyns - surprised people think they're more compassionate!

QTPie I'm in south east London; so Guys & St Thomas is my closest option (male obgyns only). Other options from here I think would be the Portland/ChelWest. The Portland has a lovely obgyn (Cathy Roberts) who looked after me for an ERPC there last year. However, it means driving through central London from home, and as you mention the insurance won't quite cover it - covers to 10k incl 20% co-pay (i.e. 8k), and while that sounds like loads, private consultant + Portland = 11k+, and that open ended '+' worries me!! ChelWest I don't really know; and driving from home would be fine I think, but getting there on my own or from work wouldn't be so easy...

If you're in SE London, another private maternity option is the Guthrie Wing at King's College Hospital. Christina Yu is the female obstetrician with a private practice there. She's at the Portland as well, but King's hospital charges are a lot cheaper than the Portland.

I've had a male obstetrician throughout this pregnancy (at 36 weeks now) and so far he's just scanned the bump, no embarassing moments. I figure by the time it gets to the actual birth, I won't care about male/female, with everything going on.

I've had one male and one female obstetrician on the NHS due to needing consultant led care in both pregnancies. Had one internal by the male consultant to see if cervix had softened or opened I think, none by the female one. If your're pregnancy is straightforward doubt you'll have much intervention 'down there' by the obs so i'd say it doesn't really matter, it's the professionalism of the dr that counts. Good luck with whatever you decide!

In my experience, males obstetricians are far more sympathetic and somehow less judgy... I've had a male obs through both my pregnancies, and much prefer him to the female one I saw at the start of my first pregnancy (which I lost) - she was really cold and clinical. My male obs is kind, sympathetic, listens to me, and yes, he does regularly see and feel my "bits" but it's not at all wired as he's just doing his job...

If you're looking at Tommy's, Con Kelleher is a fantastic obstetrician with a great bedside manner. I could not ask for anything more from him - he safely delivered my daughter which was a very complicated pregnancy and he showed great judgement in a difficult situation. He was so, so, so much better than the female obstetrician I had for my first pregnancy who lacked any kind of compassion. I don't think the gender matters though personally.

I'm kind of sad that the gender of the doctor is even a consideration. A male obstetrician will be professional and should be able to quickly put you at your ease. I know that having someone 'down there' at the best of times is a little hmm... but as someone in healthcare who was discriminated against by men who requested to be seen by my male collegue, I think it shouldn't even be a factor.
The hilarious thing is that my male collegue at the time was extremely inexperienced, very rough and at times unprofessional.
Wouldn't you simply want the best person available?

I don't think the gender of the consultant makes any difference to the way they deal with patients. Some have better people skills than others, regardless of gender.

I think the amount of experience the doctor has matters far more than the gender.

My obstetrician during pregnancy was a woman, and I felt her bedside manner was fine, I felt very safe with her.
The female obstetrician I had during labour was also very considerate, but really at that point, the gender of the doctor was the last thing on my mind.

You need to feel and safe and trust the doctor otherwise you'll be stressed. For me, bedside manner doesnt' really matter, I prefer my docs hands off and business like. I personally could only ever feel safe with a female.

I had Eugene Oteng Ntim at st Thomas's and he was great. I had a lot of complications and he was hugely helpful and reassuring. Even replies to panicky texts!

My male ob is the loveliest person ever and I couldn't have got through this pg so far without him (35 weeks yesterday...). Feel far more comfortable with him than any of the female obs I've also seen.

Ladies thank you all so much for all of your views. I haven't posted the last couple of days but I've been reading and thinking about all of your answers while researching! I think it's interesting that so many of you think that male obstetricians are at least as reassuring and easy to work with as the female ones - if not more so.

ghislaine thanks for the suggestion for the Guthrie Wing - I hadn't heard of it before at all. They haven't responded to an email I sent though and I can't find any comments about anyone having had a baby there, but I might ask Chrissie Yu for more info.

voleinahole thanks for the recommendation - a friend is also booked with him, but unfortunately he's on holiday when I'm due

1950sHousewife in any other situation, I would wholeheartedly agree with you. As a girl working in a male dominated field, I'm against discrimination and I would trust a guy completely with any other care; brain surgery, eye doctor, etc... this isn't about trust it's just about being comfortable - while I agree with you in principal this is my first child and we're paying for it so I'm just going to go with who I'm comfortable with; after reading these posts I'm more open to a guy, especially after comments like those by QTpie.

Anyway I'll hopefully get this booked this week one way or the other - thanks again!

Waiting, I will PM you the information I was sent from King's last year.

I meant to say also that I had a male obstetrician and had no problems with him at all. However, I did have an ELCS and very straightforward pregnancy so no-one (midwives or obstetrician) got anywhere near my nether regions the entire time!

Had a male Ob. Large Irish bloke who was highly professional at all times but managed to come across as incredibly laid back - which I think was a good thing. Would be happy to recommend but don't live near London.

In my experience the male ob's have been far kinder and gentle than the women. I'd go with the male on.

The worst (least sympathetic, roughest etc) ob/gyn I have encountered was a man - but so was the best, a lovely, gentle, sympathetic man who saw me through the best part of two successful pregnancies and a very difficult, drawn-out molar pregnancy. Unfortunately he was off-duty the night I had DC1, so I got the horrible guy for the actual birth. There was also a lovely female ob/gyn who assisted at DC2's birth.

You really can't generalise about doctors based on gender - can you ask anyone for a personal recommendation?

Thanks again everyone :)

I spoke to my insurance and it turns out the open ended possible charges (c sections, extra nights needed, baby special care etc) don't exist as they would consider those complications and cover them. So I've gone ahead and booked with Catharine Roberts who did my ERPC last year - she was very nice, and has successfully operated on me already which has to be a good start!

I had already contacted a number of male obs though to check availability and prices - if it wasn't for my insurance making it easy to go with the ob I'd used before, I would now definitely have looked into a male ob thanks to all of your comments.

That's great news. Enjoy the Portland, it's fantastic.