"Keep an open mind". No shit!

[ChineapplePunk]

It just seems to be one of those phrases that I hear every time I discuss my birth preparations/plans/thoughts/hopes/expectations with friends/family who have had kids, and it's really beginning to annoy me.

My birth plan, inasmuch as you can have one, is to have a water birth. Will try to get as far as I can with Tens Machine, then G & A and pool. Then, if I need an epidural and have to abandon a water birth, so be it.

I am well aware that complications can arise and births can take a multitude of different turns. If things progress naturally, then great. However, if I have to consider things like sweeps, inductions, CS, etc., then I will, but I wont be railroaded into procedures that I regard as unnecessary (unless there is a genuine medical emergency). I am well aware that placenta function can be compromised and that fetal distress can occur, etc., and would never do anything that would put my baby at risk.

So how an earth could my mind be any more open?

Fraktal - they don't always give you a local for stitches??? What are we in, the Middle Ages?

That's going straight onto my birth plan - any chance of having stitches without anaesthetic has to be avoided!

I am due with my 3rd. This is the only one for which I've written a birth plan. I was perfectly happy with my previous two births but actually figure it is easier for the midwives to have a few things written down rather than hassle me for answers about my wishes when I'm in established labour

I never wrote one. If I had DD1 would have said Tens and Gas and air only please.
I'd don't particularly like the idea of pethadine and I certainly don't like the idea of large needles in my spine.

In fact the Tens did bugger all, gas and air made me throw up, so two doses of pethadine and lots of massage from DH DD1 appeared.

DD2's would have said Gas and Air??, pethedines in the cupboard. (homebirth, MW won't carry it, but will use it if your GP will prescribe it)

Never needed it G and A is fine without hospital food!

OddBoots, I like the "birth wishes" idea. "Plan" makes it sound like something you expect to happen, when it is really just what you hope will happen! I know what I want to happen, but I also know my heart condition could make me tachycardic and I'll be rushed over to the CLU and it will be nothing like my birth plan. And then anything in-between is also possible...

I also don't really know how you can "prepared" for things going pear-shaped. You can be aware, but I can't imagine any preparation that would make any emergency interventions or unexpected occurrence pleasant! My biggest fear is things happening fast and out of my control, but I know that if that occurs someone who knows what they're doing (ie, not me) should be in control. I'm trying to calm myself with reminders that the midwives and doctors are experienced and should take care of me, but then I read stories that scare me where it seems they didn't do the best thing, and I don't know what to make of that. Maybe I'm being dumb, but I just say to myself that I like my doctor and I trust him. If things get crazy I figure me feeling calmer because I trust him seems to be the better course, rather than scared that I'll be mismanaged, because I'm not sure there's really anything I could do if the latter happens, so I'd rather be calm.

I don't see what's wrong with plan. Plan is something you are aiming for, the ideal, but realistic based on the facts you have at the time. Something you are working towards. Most plans don't go to ...erm...plan, that doesn't mean they were pointless in the first place!

I had a very similar birth plan and it was regularly met with "keep an open mind" which did quite often sound like "as if, dream on" (iirc the main keep-an-open minder was my nct teacher).

In the end, there was a bit of a change as I was induced. This meant no waterbirth, but otherwise it was pretty well the labour I'd hoped for (TENS/G&A for pain relief, no continuous monitoring etc.) I know I was v. lucky that labour started after the first pessary so I avoided lots of the potential downsides of induction, but even though one key bit of my plan changed it didn't mean the rest automatically went too.

Although I agree it's good to be clued up on what might potentially happen, and to know what all of your options are, I don't think there is anything wrong with having preferences and I certainally don't think it's helpful for anyone else to imply that those preferences are unrealistic.

Hope everything goes well for you OP.

Re: stitches they should offer au natural, G&A or local. Some don't offer the local but give G&A by default. Others say 'oh it's only a couple' and act like you don't need a local. It's not pleasant having your fanjo numbed but a damn sight better than having it jabbed repeatedly IMO. Some people are different. It can make it difficult to relax enough to pee until it's worn off but that depends how quickly you want to get out of there!

I avoid discussing my birth plan with other people as much as possible. It would seem to me to go without saying that of course I'll keep an open mind but people seem to assume you're an idiot and need it spelling out to you. I have now added a new opening paragraph to my birth plan for the MW (which consists of bullet points as much as possible for ease of reading):

"This plan is the set of ideal circumstances in which we would like the birth to take place. We are aware things may go wrong and are prepared to change our plans as the need arises. We would expect informed consent to be obtained either from myself or MrKipper under such circumstances."

Thanks Fraktal. At both my NHS and NCT classes I was told an anaesthetic would always be applied for stitches, so perhaps it is standard practice at my hospital (Kings) but not everywhere else.

To pre-empt the stitches scenario....hopefully....perenial massage started last night. Which was nice.

If birth plans were all about woolly thinking and naivete, then 2nd / 3rd timers would plan progressively less. Instead, thinking about me and my friends, we planned more carefully knowing what had made a big difference last time and what we didn't care about.

With DC1: An early induction (IUGR) with CFM and an epidural sounded safest / nicest (hadn't read the evidence / gone to any classes). Would have liked to breastfeed but didn't mind if formula given for low blood sugar. Wanted to stay a couple of days on postnatal to establish feeding and 'rest' (oh, the mirth in reflecting on this plan!!).

With DC2: A whole lot less optimistic than last time, I wanted to avoid an epidural, formula and any contact with the postnatal ward.

now expecting DC3 and plan will read:

Homebirth if possible. If at hospital, do not offer me pharmacological analgesia. Intermittent monitoring if possible; physiological 3rd stage and wait for cord to stop pulsing before cutting. Don't give my baby formula (planning to have our own supply of donor milk with us so won't be medically necessary). I will sign myself out of the postnatal ward if you admit me.

I think it's fair to say my mind is the least open and beliefs most entrenched as they've ever been, following previous unpleasant experiences. Part of that is feeling more confident. If anything, the people urging you to keep an open mind should be talking to me . The more I do this birth thing, the more I realise that stacking the deck in your favour before you start is a Very Good Thing.

Amen, Hardcheese - what's even funnier is when you don't write a birth plan, because everyone says what a crock of shit they are, and they get all uppity because you've robbed them of their chance to sneer at it! You can't win.

Wot Frizen said.

My birth plan for no. 3 is more detailed than ever, and that's saying something given birth plan 2 had a contents page.

My birth plan for no 1 was go to hospital, have baby. I still got told to keep an open mind. Fancy daring to have opinions and preferences!

"
She then followed with 'have you considered an independent midwife?"

probably because having a birth plan is all very well, but having someone there who is actually determined to have it paid attention to makes it count more...

I have never written a birth plan, but probably this was folly, it would have been handy last time as i found answering questions about placenta etc annoying whilst in labour.

"The more I do this birth thing, the more I realise that stacking the deck in your favour before you start is a Very Good Thing."

exactly. i am pretty horrified how little research i did before DC#1. the things i didn't have opinions on. could have gone wrong due to my lack of knowledge.

..(in that i wasn't prepared for things like 3rd stage etc, obv could go wrong anyway..)

Edless - I know what you mean. I look back at the things I didn't really bother thinking about and shudder to think how lucky I was to get through them without incident!

By having an independent MW you are effectively buying the professional services of someone who has your best interests at heart, one carer for you throughout pregnancy, labour and birth, and someone who by the time you need to put a birth plan into action will know you so well that they don't need to be given a piece of paper as they walk in the room to understand what you want. Isn't it sad that the NHS isn't in a position to be able to offer such a serivce? I don't think written birth plans would be quite so obsessed over if everyone was able to give birth with a trusted and knowledgable carer present.

DefinitelyMaybe,
my birth plan second time was 'go to hospital, have baby.' And I had an independent MW. You might imagine that nothing could go awry? Well, I had baby, went to hospital. It all happened in the wrong order, and could have been very stressful. As it was, I was still ecstatic, thanks to an open mind!

If you don't discuss your birth plan with anyone who doesn't need to know about it, you shouldn't get any negative comments. If your MW tells you you need to keep an open mind, I'd be questioning her professionalism and ability to offer you helpful advice.

Haha backinthebox I very nearly had that happen with both of mine. Dc1 arrived 50 mins after we got to the hospital and dc2 arrived around 15 mins after we got to hospital.

my birth plan will involve no poo and nobody touching me.
I think I may end up disappointed

My birth plan said no-one must touch me, and it was stuck to.

Hey OP, I wrote a "birth preferences" list which my lovely (NHS and unknown) MW read thoroughly and actually referred to during labour saying things like "I know you said you didn't want to hold your breath during pushing but I think you need to give it some welly now..." and "I know you want a physiological third stage but would you consider getting out of the pool to deliver the placenta?".
BTW research shows expectations are broadly correlated with experiences. In my case this was true so you're not naive to have a "Plan A". I did hippy-birthing (sorry, hypnobirthing) and visualised an 8 hour labour and giving birth in a pool in my kitchen and I had...

an 8 hour labour and gave birth in a pool in my kitchen.
It's not impossible to have a good experience even first time round!

Am 38 weeks tomorrow and, having written my plan, the most important part of it so far seems to be educating DH about my preferences. We've been going through lots of the techniques discussed by Juju Sindin (and a few of Maggie Howell's) just to get him in the habit of figuring out what I do/don't like and to get him used to making a tit of himself losing his inhibitions whilst helping me out during the first phase.

I think the more confidence I have in DH, and his knowledge of my birth plan, the less concerned I have to be about the MW, and what is actually written down (even though it all is) because he'll be advocating for me anyway.

I strongly believe birthing our first child should be an experience we share and am trying to involve him as much as possible, even if I get mocked for being naive, with people tell me I'll spend most of my labour swearing at DH and telling him we'll never have sex again!

"Keep an open mind" is something many people say to a mum-to-be, when what they really mean is "Woah! Natural birth? With no drugs? You're setting yourself up for a disappointment love".

I heard it a couple of times myself when I was expecting DS (my plans were exactly the same as yours), and I was pleased and proud that things happened how I wanted.

I'm sure people think they are well-meaning when they say it, but they are in fact doing is pissing on your chips (before they've even been fried, salted and wrapped in newspaper - mmmmm delicious... Guess what I'm craving with this pregnancy?)

I think your plan sounds great, and I wish you fortitude and felicity in your impending birth!