I'm not doing this: DH can have the baby this time.

[openerofjars]

I'm 29 weeks tomorrow and, having read far, far too many birth stories and remembering DS's birth, I've decided I'm having none of this and that DH can go through childbirth this time. I don't want a knackered fanjo and for total strangers to see me at my worst. I don't want to shit a watermelon for hours and hours and hours. I don't want consatipation for five days after the birth. Let Mr Grumpy have this one. He's spent all day with a face like a slapped arse; he might as well have the heartburn, piles, inability to tie shoelaces and mood swings of a pregnant woman (oh, hang on... ).

Get me out of heeeeeeeerrrre! I've changed my mind!

DISCLAIMER: I do still want a lovely, snuggly, fluffy newborn to squidge, though.

lol, sorry but your story made me laugh. i had to wear slippers to work in my last weeks, couldnt shave my legs, etc.
what ever you do, if you work, Do Not have everything bought by the time your maternity leave starts (like stupid me did!) it leaves you with 2-3 months left with nothing left to shop for. ooops..
when i had DS15 i had a theory A very crap one at that might i add!
"if i shut my eyes, you lot looking down there cant see me!"
it isnt a theory that worked out in any way true, yet it made me feel loads better :)
best of luck x