what did you do when you came home re visiting?

[Cazm2]

38+3 with first baby. Listening to midwife and hv suggest limiting visitors. I am interested in your experiences of this? I am worried we are going to have people banging door down or staying till midnight!!

We didn't have that problem, as we don't have family nearby and most friends assumed we would want to limit visitors so waited a couple of weeks :)

But you will be pretty whacked out and your sleep patterns very odd, so do prepare yourself to be a bit abrupt with people if needed. Those with kids will not take it personally. Do take advantages of any offers of help, no matter how small.

i think it depends on what people are like right now. do your family and friends barge into your house uninvited and stay all day? if not, then they won't have a personality change just because you have a baby! if they are like that however, then maybe it'll be worth saying to them that you're looking forward to seeing them when you've settled in a bit.

i found i had a remarkable lack of visitors due to them all being sensitive to the need for a settling in period. i was disappointed as i wanted to show all my little new babies off!

I'm 39 weeks with first and have already had problemrs with relatives turning up announced and just walking thru front door or if no reply knocking on window!! Mainly my pil's. So i've said no visitors at all without texting first and if I dont reply it means dont turn up and for the first couple of weeks no ones than a couple of quick visits from grand parents. And I mean quick visits. Not having anyone camping out at mine all day. . . .

Limit it to just your close family, i.e. your MUm! Though tbh, even my mum was too much sometimes. Depends on what sort of person you are too probably, if you love having people turn up unannounced then you might deal with it better. I just wanted quiet, but then I like quiet anyway! The last thing I needed was people raving on about this that and the other, overexcitable, when I felt tired, anaemic, tearful etc.

ANd make it clear that visitors will need to make their own cups of tea (and for you, too), that they'/re not going to be fed or entertained. The last thing you want is people who turn up, plonk themselves down on the sofa and expect to be waited on hand and foot.

with ds1, we had every man and his dog over, poor dh made so many teas. this time round we are BANNING everyone for a week, we arent even telling people when ive given birth!

Tbh you won't really know how you feel until after you've given birth....you might be desperate to show the baby off, or desperate for the world to leave you alone.

Asking for everyone to text to check it's okay before they come is good (just get DH to text back that you and baby are resting and it's not convenient if you don't feel like visitors). Encourage visitors who will bring cake and put the kettle on. Discourage those who sit on your sofa and expect you to make them lunch.

Don't be afraid to say (or have DH say to his family if you prefer) 'Caz is / I am really tired now, I'm afraid baby and I just need to crash out. Thank you so much for coming etc' and then walk out and to your bedroom if they haven't taken the hint to leave!

I think our plan will be to brutally honest and clear about what is and isn't ok, (in a lighthearted manner). We're going to say that if people come and visit, they should expect it to be a short stay, they should bring their own cake, make their own tea, and expect to do at least one helpful job from a list that will be provided: put a load of laundry on, make a meal to freeze, do some hoovering, take DS to the park; finally that they shouldn't expect to get to hold the baby, because I'm extremely neurotic and possessive, as is my inalienable right as a mum of a newborn. RAAAAAARGH!

Badgerina please say you are joking about providing a list of jobs. There's nothing lighthearted about that and I would be massively if someone presented me with such a thing. Most people will be helpful without having a list drawn up for them.

Tongue firmly in cheek, never fear.