Help - third degree tear not healing!

[Indi28]

I am a mumsnet talk virgin - but having read some of the messages thought I could get some much needed support. I had my ds 10 weeks ago and suffered a third degree tear due to shoulder dystocia. My tear hasn't healed yet and keeps getting infected. Feeling at quite a low ebb - have been to GP, very understanding, offerred counselling and ADs - don't want to take if I can help it. Need some good news stories, particularly from people who have healed third degree tears. I find myself in a constant state of anxiety about my health - feeling if anything else goes wrong I couldn't cope. Any words of wisdom will be gratefully received.

Oh petal

Complete emphathy and sympathy

I had mrsa after a recent c-section,it took 12 weeks to improve and I too am now over concerned with my health.

I think when you have a health scare - it reminds you how essential you are to your baby/family and then becomes a preoccupation.

Don't think you need ad's - but I'm sure counselling could well help - did you have a bad labour too??

Must add that now my daughter is 20 weeks old - I feel brighter and stronger every day, and I'm sure before long I will no longer think about my health xxxx

I had a 3rd deg tear with DS1 but mine healed well with no problems. Try putting tea tree oil in your bathwater as this helps prevent infection. 10 drops or so is what I used (without any bubbly stuff etc). Also don't sit on it for long periods or walk too much.

I doubt you need ADs, I think you need to get the tear healed so you can move on. It's the sort of thing that you are aware of virtually every second of the day until suddenly, one day, you realise you've not thought about it and it's actually healed.

Yes as SoupDragon says Tea-tree oil is great to drop in the bath. You can get it from Tescos, holand & barrett etc - it is cooling and soothing as well as great to help fight infection. Eat well too.

I had a fairly bad 2nd degree tear which didn't heal properly, and after several attempts at cauterisation it was repaired under GA. Have you had cauterisation (it's really not too bad, so don't let that worry you)? If it's not appropriate in your case, then you ought to ask for referral to have the tear repaired. The sooner the better - I had my repair done at 8months. I think 10weeks is long enough to wait for nature 'to take its course'.

The repair was nothing like as upsetting as the stiching after giving birth, the discomfort afterwards was worse as the area hadn't been numbed by the stretching of giving birth, but the healing was quick and uncomplicated,and I felt so much better afterwards.

It's hugely distressing when your ladybits aren't right - but that's no reason to put you on ADs! You need treatment, not dismissal.

BTW, although I still had some discomfort afterwards, it was more-or-less put right by giving birth a second time, which time I didn't tear as extensively, the tear was well-repaired and it healed perfectly - in fact, I'm better now than I was before having my second child.

So, not all milk-and-honey, but hopefully this helps and encourages you a bit.

Oh, I agree that what you need is treatement for the tear, not ADs etc. You'll feel so much better for being physically well.

Thanks for all the messages.

In reply to simply red - I didn't think the labour was that bad at the time - just pleased to have a healthy baby, but I think in retrospect it was quite traumatic with him getting stuck - he was a v. big lad at 10lb 3oz - and I think the full effect of the labour is probably just setting in after the initial elation has died down.

Will get on to the tea tree oil - I will try anything.

One question for pretty candles - I have had cauterisation twice and the consultant did say that if that didn't sort out the small pocket that has been left he would refer me on for surgery to repair. Did you have to stay in hospital for your repair? I am already worrying about breastfeeding arrangements in advance.

Indi28, i had a 3rd degree tear too. I know exactly what you feel like. Try not to get down, it does get better. It's all about gaining confidence with your body again. It can take a while to feel normal. I didn't feel right at 10 weeks - so it's not just you.

Try 'out and about' spray from the nappy lady website. It has natural ingrediants like lavender, tea tree... spray it on, and it helped me heal really well. Smells nice too! Also, i find drinking lots of water makes a massive difference. It stopped it feeling so strained. Eating high fibre stuff helps too.

Give it time, and although it sucks, keep positive. This site really helps me when i feel down about it. I think feeling anxious about our health is part and parcel of motherhood - no one really tells you that before hand! It's rubbish. Chin up chick! xx

Thanks spike momma - have you got a link for the nappy lady website - the spray sounds ideal.

I know what you mean about this site - just reading some of the unassociated threads makes me smile - was just laughing at some of the comments about the forthcoming C4 programme on breastfeeding.

Just type Nappy Lady into Google and it'll come up - I am so sorry that you are in so much discomfort all this way on - 10 weeks is loooong old time - You certainly do not need AD's you need to have that tear repaired properly and I think that you should be your foot down about this one - If you GP won't listen in person, then write a letter and if all else fails - get referred through A&E!! (I would, seriously!!) I had a 3rd degree tear with DD1 and although my tear did not get infected and healed ok - It took quite a while and is still a little "knobbly" (nice) and tender now, but I had DD2 fifteen months on, so it really can't have been that bad - and I didn't tear at all with DD2 and ladybits are feeling ok now - I really hope this gets sorted for you soon - Congratulations on your DS btw!!

Indi28, I totally sympathise, but it really WILL get better. I was offered AD's too, but knew deep down that I wasn't depressed as such (although I felt terrible), just reacting to what had happened to my body. It's a truly shocking business!

What I can say though, is that, as everyone else has said, it WILL get better. And definitely jump up and down (well not literally as that would be uncomfy right now!) and get a second opinion doctorwise, or from A&E, if you're not happy.

My tear was horrible at first, and for several months afterwards too, but my DD is nearly 10 months old now and I feel fine. I really thought my 'ladybits' (hadn't heard that term before this thread, but like it!) would always be a mess, and it upset me so much to think that my body had been 'ruined' as I saw it, but I have got so much better over time.

Oh, and it helped me from time to time to get self-righteously angry about how if MEN had to go through all this stuff then everyone would be born under general anaesthetic. You've done wonders in getting to 10 weeks. You're stronger than you think you are.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Gonna get a bit graphic, so be warned!

The 'small pocket' that you mention sounds like what I had. Have you heard terms such as 'necrotic tissue'? What happened to me was that part of the wound didn't heal, despite stitching, and I had a patch of dead tissue that was basicaly an open sore just inside my vagina. The necrotic tissue didn't bother me except during sex (ha ha ha - a very effective form of contraception) or if some substances touched it. However, the area around the stitching on my perineum was incredibly sore almost all the time - it was hypersensitive and using sanitary pads, wiping after the toilet, and, sometimes, even just sitting down felt like my perineum was on fire. This was probably caused by trapped nerves, as it was eased by the restitching but only completely resolved by giving birth again.

The op was under GA, but day surgery, so I was home before suppertime. I had stopped bfing by then, but had I still been bfing I don't think it would have been a problem. I don't know what the advice is regarding GA and breastmilk (don't ask your GP, as Mumsnet or the NCT), but I think that I would probably have missed one feed but been able to do any others.

For some reason I had a little room to myself (more like a walled cubicle on the ward, no loo, but nice and private all teh same) and Dh and ds were with me in the hospital most of the time, apart from when dh took ds out to play.

I'm in NW London, and waited only about 2m between being refered and having the op.

If there's anything else I can tell you, please do ask.

Just as an update to 'pretty candles' and 'was wondering'. I am already under a gyny consultant who has been monitoring the tear since the birth - but he is likely to refer me to the surgical consultant to perform the op if this pocket doesn't heal of its own accord. The pocket in question is near my bottom rather than ladybits - which is lovely as you can imagine and the reason for the repeat infections!!!

Could you tell me what they actually did for your op's - I am assuming that they simply cut out the infected / non-healing bit and then stitch back up - is that what they did with you?

Also, big thankyous to everyone who has sent positive messages - I think when you are at this stage you think it is never going to heal and you will be left with a baboon bottom forever. So feeling more positive after hearing your stories. Just want to get on with getting it sorted - don't deal very well with this waiting game.

Best wishes - as has previously been said men would not put up with the pain / and upset us women have to!

Yes, Indi, that's how it was described to me: cutting out the non-healing, infected bits, and then bringing the layers of flesh together and stitching. Another mum I knew had a part of the scar removed as well, in order to make the flesh match together better and not stretch bits too much. Sounds gruesome, doesn't it!?

But it's really worthwhile, truly truly. Once the op is over and healed you will feel so much better physically and so much more comfortable in yourself, IYSWIM.