Someone tell me I'll get over not giving birth

[MidnightinMoscow]

I am 37+5 with DC2 having had a EMCS with DC1 after 24 hours and 9cm.

Have always been preparing for a VBAC all along, but this is looking more unlikely as the baby is measuring big (via scans, DC1 was big too), the baby is OP and head still high.

I am losing confidence in myself every day, and suspect that if I do go into labour its looking unlikely that I'll have a uneventful delivery.

The mw today thinks I am heading for an elcs, as I cried today feeling so overwhelmed by it all.

This is going to be my last baby. How can I get over these feelings of sadness that I'll never have a natural birth? I really want to experience the whole going into labour thing etc, but am so scared that the birth would be a nightmare given the way things are.
Help!!

Baby on inside > baby on outside

The bit in between is "giving birth", no matter how it happens.

I'm another EMCS after a long labour followed by 2 ELCS. Certainly 16 years later I can happily say I am long over any feelings of disappointment!

My experience of the EMCS was of panic, confusion and having lost control of the situation. Both my ELCS were very different and for both I felt that they were relaxed and we felt in control.

It is different for everyone but it is possible that your feelings of disappointment are connected with VBAC having gone wrong. Making an active choice for ELCS may help with that.

Maybe my perspective is different as DD1 was delivered with meningitis and was in SCBU for two weeks.

I've had two elcs since then and never felt the need to 'make peace' with myself about it - although not seeing her for four hours after she was born was quite tough.

Op, I've had 2 c/sections (11 and 8 years ago) and never think about them any more and am not in the least bit concerned that I haven't experienced vaginal birth, although I was sad about it for a good few years when the dc were babies/toddlers. I am sure you will get over it, really I am.

I apologise if the title offends anyone. The madness is that if anyone else had a EMCS/ELCS I'd describe them as having given birth.

I think I am my own worse critic at the moment.

Having thought some more, I think a lot of my feelings are to do with the fact that this is the final pregnancy, birth, newborn etc that I'll experience. For various reasons DH and I have made that decision, which is 100% right for us, but I think thats what pilling the pressure on me.

You are giving birth.
A live baby is preferable to candle light and water delivery.
And my ELCS were lovely, nice music, no stress.

I don't understand the clinical and cold thing, at all. I thought mine were calm and orderly, and each of my four dcs fed well in the recovery room. DH did skin to skin with each too.

I think the fact that you reached 9cm last time bodes well for a vbac. Take the pressure off yourself. See if you can get to the mindset of "well, I'll give it a go and see how far I get." rather than it being all or nothing. I don't think any of my 3 fully engaged and all were a bit op. I had an emcs first time round followed by 2 very straightforward vbacs. Good luck.

Posie, I had an EMCS at 1am after 24 hours of labour.

DS was totally fine, but it was a long time until I held him. I can remember that the MW put him on the bottom of the bed whilst she was sorting out the room, I just wanted to hold him. I stupidly didn't ask her to pass him to me, not sure why.

When he was pulled out of me, the surgeon just said, "A boy", showed him to DH and then off he went. I was shaking due to the epidural at the time.

Don't get me wrong, the staff did exactly what was needed and I am not complaining about them at all. I am a nurse myself, but it just felt like they were removing a gallstone rather than a baby.

MM. Sounds like a less than desirable birth, no need for the staff to do any of those things.

DS1 was 18hours failed labour,
DS2 was a GA EMCS and DH did skin to skin. You can factor in the things that mean a lot to you with a ELCS,

So with DC3 we booked an ELCS, we took music in, her first blanket and clothes, we requested that she be passed to DH asap after birth and that he would supervise the weighing. As soon as poss I bf her. I had a private room too.

Posie, if I go for an ELCS then I intend to do all the things you are saying too, I think it will make all the difference.

Hopefully whatever happens, that fact that both DH and I have been there before will enable us to speak up a bit more and try to get the best experience regardless of the outcome.

Make two birth plans and then you can make sure you get what you want.

Good luckxxx

Yes, thats a good idea, then I at least I am prepared for both options.

Good news is that the Dr says they will only let me labour for 4 hours (established) and if progress is slow, then it will be an EMCS. I am happy with that, because half to problem last time was the sheer exhaustion from a long labour prior to the EMCS.

Thanks for your kind wishes.

Sorry to hear you are so upset by the thought of a caesarean birth. i would have to agree with the earlier post that says caesarean is still giving birth just without the pushing. Really the way your baby comes into the world is only a very small part of the role you are going to play in her life.

If you think you are going to end up with a caesarean then please don't be disheartened, there are so many things you can do to turn a caesarean birth into a very personalised birth. There is a great book that talks about how to prepare prepare for one and how to improve your recovery experience. www.csections.org/?p=41

Good luck.