2nd overdue, 1st just 1 year scared of how I will cope

[emmawill]

My 2nd child is overdue and I'm desperate for him to come but am now getting very scared as my 1st has just turned a year old on the 11th jan, she's just getting ready to walk but has bad sleep problems, she won't sleep at night and wakes constantly have been advised by health visitor that when 2nd ones comes along to put both on a sleep programme straight away. Am so worried how I am going to cope with two and for my little girl not to feel put out at all. Anyone else got two so close together in age? How did you cope?

only got the one myself, so not qualified to give andy advice, but just wanted to say that you WILL cope. try not to worry and do what seems right for you all.

Hi emmawill - I have 15 months between my two, so only 3 months more than you - I am thinking of you and I am sympathising with you very much - but you WILL cope and you will get through this!! I promise!! Having 2 so close together is hard work, but you just find ways of coping. I found that it was ok in the beginning cos DD1 was in a decent routine and I just stuck to that and tried to fit DD2 in around that - Would recommend knocking the sleep issues on the head ASAP though - I think your HV is right there. DD1 couldn't walk at all when DD2 was born, so you've got one up on me there!! Have you got a supportive partner and family/friends??? If you have, make the most of them - Do not be afraid to say that you are struggling to ask for help. That is important - will be keeping my beady eye on this thread and thinking of you honey - You are going to be ok!! Would recommend buying your DD a doll if she hasn't already got one - it will help hugely!!

Hi, I got a bit nervous at this stage too. Its that feeling of no way out now! I looked back at photos of my dd just born and remembered that it was a special time.

My dd was 3 when I had twins. What I kept reminding myself was that the babies were so young they'd never remember how long I spent with each of them. They'd never remember if they always came second etc. You're only human with one set of hands.

I used to bath one baby and dd while the other baby bounced in a babyseat. I had a swing and a playgym and door bouncer to change the scenery throughout the day for them too! I felt if they changed position and room regularly they'd not get too bored!

When the baby comes he/she can take second place and its not cruel. Sometimes in the early days I had to leave one to cry in the pram in the garden while I fed the other and spent quite time with dd while I did that. My dts are 17 months and totally fine!

You will be exhausted trying to keep everyone happy but it IS important to keep you happy and sometimes that means not trying so hard.

I think the sleep routine is a great idea (mine is the same every night and always the same time - dinner 4.30, bath 6pm, babies bed 7pm, dd bed 7.30pm) but will take time to implement. I still have sleep problems but getting them away early gives you more of a chance to get SOME sleep.

HTH and all the very best, keep posting.

My two are 16 months apart, so vaguely similiar, and I know how you feel!! It is terrifying, but quickly becomes familiar, and you will be able to cope, it just may not be a load of fun for a little while. The main thing is to organise as much help as possible, even if it means that you might go into a bit of debt, it makes a massive difference and helps you adjust....

The other thing is to have a little litany that helps in 'those' moments when you wonder what you've done! Mine is to take a deep breath and go 'they're just crying, no one's going to die' until I feel calmer.

A routine really helps everyone, I got mine to coordinate a 2 hour kip at lunch time so that I could sleep too. This didn't always work, but for the most part really made a difference.

In the long run you will look back and be amazed at how fast it all goes and proud of yourself for how well you coped. Try and remember that it will pass, whatever you're going through and it IS definitely worth it (my 2nd is 1 year old as of 1.1.06)

GOOD LUCK

I have 11 MONTHS between my 2 and coped just fine....most days!! everyone has bad days, so dont put too much pressure on yourself. you will manage somehow, believe me!!! the first 6mths is jsut a blur though!! good luck.

cx

I've also got 15 months between mine, so a bit of a bigger gap than you but similar issues. (DD2 born last month). It's bloody hard work. The thing I've found the hardest is the fact that DD2 cries a lot and I can't run to her assistance like I did with DD1 (also was a crier). It's not true that you become hardened to the sound of a baby crying. I HATE dummies but have been using one with DD2 because of her crying.

My DD1 was only just walking when DD2 was born and although is now more confident she does still need carrying when tired, lazy, playing up etc. DD2 just gets put on the carpet until I get DD1 where I want her!

Difficult times are when I'm trying to feed DD2 (and BF'ing so it takes a while, also she's a rubbish feeder as well) and the 5 - 7pm slot when feeding, bathing and putting both to bed. CBeebies is a godsend for distracting DD1 whilst I'm feeding DD2 even though she's not really inrested in TV much yet. Will give you my routine for the 5-7 slot if you're interested - it's still not perfect but we're getting there.

Agree with the sleep routine for DD1. My DD1 sleeps like a log usually, but has had a few disturbed nights due to illness since D2 was born and it's tough.

As for DD1 being jealous or having probs with the new baby arrives, don't worry too much about it. She's probably a bit too young to be overly jealous. My eldest loves having a young baby around and constantly tries to kiss her, however there are occasional biffs on the head for no apparent reason. You just have to keep an eye out. If you've got room for a playpen anywhere (we don't and I bemoan the fact constantly) then that will help a lot.

Feel free to CAT me if you want any adice or just want to sound off. Am equally happy to chat on here tho (as understnad you have to £ to CAT now).

Good luck with it all. don't worry you will be absolutely fine. Knackered, yes. But fine !

i have 12 months-less one day-between my first two and 12 months-less 3 days-between my second and third!!!and my hubbie worked abroad!!!believe it or not, you will cope simply cos you'll know you have to! also, i think you get into a routine when you have 2/3 or more.yes, you'll have your good and bad days but they bring so much joy and mine are all so close now (will be 8,7,6 first week of May)that the rewards are wonderful!!!

To pennies would you love to know your 5 - 7pm routine any help is very gratefuly recived, as any advice on sleeping for my 1 year old. She was fanastic sleep thro from 4 weeks then when she started teething at 6 months it all went to pot and has never managed to get her back into a routine, also I know this sounds really daft but we never put her into her own room as in our old house (we moved 2 months ago) there alot of very strange stuff happening doors big heavy fire doors opening in middle of the night, alarms going off, and even faces appearing on photos which where taken in the house, anyway I don't believe in ghosts but it was very weird and I didn't want her by herself now we've moved but she's still in the same room as us. I can imagie me and my husband sleeping in different rooms with one child each!!!!!!

oooh that stuff about your house has made me feel really creeped out - how spooky. I can imagine why you didn't want to leave her alone there.

OK - 5-7 routine:
4-5pm - Go out for a walk so DD2 can have nap in the buggy (MUCH easier than settling her whilst DD1 creates havoc downstairs)
5pm - get home and feed DD1. I try and always give her an easy dinner (i.e. something she can eat herself or I know she's not going to hate just for an easy life).
5.30pm - feed DD2 whilst DD1 watches TV or plays (whilst I watch Nieghbours!)
6pm - bathtime. Have both in the bathroom with me and give them nappy off time whilst the bath is running. DD2 in bath first for 5 minutes or so. I take DD2 out dry her and put DD1 in. Dress DD2 whilst DD1 in the bath. Get DD2 out of the bath by 6.30 - brush her teeth and get her in her PJ's. 6.35 - all of us go upstairs into DD1's room for a story though if DD2 is going nuts (usually the case) I will put her in her moses basket in her room with some soft music and the lights on low, bung a dummy in her mouth and leave her to contemplate her mobile. Quick story for DD1 whilst she has her milk, DD1 in bed by 6.45pm. I then go back to DD2 so I can feed her and give her some quality cuddles befor putting her to bed at approx 7.15.

As for sleep training your DD1 - tricky. I 'did' Gina with DD1 and she sleeps well most of the time. But her methods are quite tough though and if you're not up for controlled crying (which sems to be her preferred option for sleep training) then it may not be for you. But they say it's a quicker way to train them and if you're due any day now then time isn't on your side. Luckily I've never had to do it for DD1 but I think I would struggle with it and I'm a Gina fan!

Good luck and feel free to ask for help anytime. JARM's got a 15 month gap too and she's got some good advice.

I would try just to SURVIVE the first 12 weeks - when you have come out of that newborn stage then the fog clears a bit - THEN decide what you want to do re. sleep training etc. etc.

I have 2 friends who had 1 year between their 2. I thought they were mad tbh. But actually they have coped better than me with a 20 month gapn and have had the last laugh. I have had lots of jealousy probelms which they seem to have avoided and once they get to aged 1 and 2 it seems to be great.

that's well scary about you old house!!!!!! I can see why you moved. you sound very brave so i'm sure you'll cope. I have ds1 5yr, ds2 7 1/2mnth and ds3 due in 4month so in same situation. Both mine are rubbish sleepers probly get 3hr a night if i'm lucky. I don't mind anymore i've just accepted i'm goin to be tired for the rest of my life lol. xx

Thanks pennies I'm deferinly and try a routine like yours. I'm just not a fan of controlled crying I think maybe because I'm such a bad sleeper myself (hence still up at gone 1am!) I feel sorry for her, also she moves around so much in her sleep I think she hits the sides and wakes up. Her daddy is fanastic though he's the one who normally gets up in the middle of the night with her, as I'm not the best when i wake up! Maybe I'll just have to buy shares in max factor for the amount of foundation I'll need to hide my bags if i ever make it into the outside world again!!!