DH refusing to attend birth

[StarlightDicKenzie]

without a Doula......

I agree and plan to do the same.

Anyone recommend one with likely availability early June in SW London?

He is a wise chap

I know there are a good few doulas in your area, I would suggest going to doula.org.uk and searching, then meeting a few. Recommendations can be great, but who you want to be with you when you are in labour is a very personal thing. I know lots and lots of lovely doulas, but there is only a small portion I would want with me, not because the others are lacking in anything, it's like a personal connection. Every woman I have every supported I have got on like a house on fire with, I don't think this is just my sparkling charisma, I think they picked me because we were on the same wavelength, and you really need that.
So if you do get recommendations, great, but do have a look at DUK, and do meet a few others, none will mind meeting you and being turned down if you are genuinely seeking a connection, sometimes the job of supporting a woman's birth choices means gracefully leaving it be when they decide you aren't the one

Thank you future. My DH is a great advocate after our last experience, which is strange because on the day she didn't do anything at all nor need to as DH and I were so confident and relaxed due to all her preparation she was clever enough to know how to be invisible iyswim. But my DH still wants invisible help next time.

Unfortunately we have moved far away from our last Doula though.

Might be worth asking SquiggleyWiggler? She's east London (and I'd guess there's a good chance she's booked), but she might know some doulas in your area to think about meeting?

I also have a doula, she will be present at my 2nd DC birth in April. She came highly reccomended by someone who enabled her to have a wonderful birth last year. She's based in SW6. Does this help?

starlight DM me your details and I'll see if I can help you find someone. I'm not available (and you'd probably hate me anyway, I'm horrid honest ) but I could see if I can assist in finding you someone.

Your DH sounds like he's got his head screwed on the right way!

Blimey squig - Why would I hate you? I don't generally hate people

I think she's joking - because she's booked. I can vouch for her being lovely.

Well my details are a leetle bit tricky.

I don't yet have a hospital. I mean, I have been receiving care where I live, but where I am moving to is refusing to accept me and all the hospitals appear to want to insist that they are full for June.

I am definately NOT intending to have an unassisted birth though, so I'll sort something out - somehow, - but even the most helpful hospitals have refused to discuss it with me until I am registered with a GP in the area which won't happen until I have an address, which won't happen until I can find a house to rent which will deffo happen before June because ds is starting school there next week and we'll be living in a hotel.

There are two birthing units that have been very different in their attitude and pretty much told me I can turn up on the day without even booking with them but they are quite far away.

But ideally I'd like a home birth, but without a home I can't plan for that easily, and without a hospital I haven't got any hb midwives.

It's a bloody mess tbh.

Sorry - bad joke Just DM'd you a couple of suggestions. Hopefully they can help you negotiate the system. It might be worth giving AIMS a call to get some advice on the most effective way to stamp your feet to get some results? www.aims.org.uk

Is an independent midwife out of the question? I know they cost £££££s but you probably wouldn't need a doula and it may be worth the peace of mind getting to know her beforehand?