Read labour notes...worried how I can do better next time?

[FlirtyThirty]

I requested my labour notes recently as I'm pregnant with my second child and was keen to understand what happened with my DS 2 years ago.

I had a 'normal' vaginal delivery a 41+4. 2nd degree perineum tear and vaginal tears resulting in surgery for me after birth to repair. I had G&A for majority of labour but was transferred from midlife-led unit after meconium found when they broke my waters at 9cm. At this point had epidural, second dose failed though as catheter fell out of back. Last hour and half of second stage were frightening and reading notes I was clearly not pushing effectively. I missed having an instrumental delivery by the skin of my teeth....dr was called but in theatre and baby arrived before dr in the end!

Anyway...i'm wondering how I can be less scared and push more effectively this Time round...I found the pain very hard to cope with in the late stage and couldn't seem to get past this to focus on pushing...

Any thoughts??

Oh Flirty I know how it feels when you are sure you 'could do better!' at childbirth. I actually got rather depressed about DS's labour and birth which wsa similar to your only I got ventouse in the end . From my own experience you may be able to improve your chances of a good labour slightly but it really is in the lap of the Gods, and anyone who 'boats' about a good labour should really have the humility to know they were just lucky. FWIW I had a wonderful 2nd labour with DD partly because I was just so bloody determined to right the wrongs of the first one. She was back-to-back but luckily (?!) I didn't know so it didn't hold me back from a blissful homebirth. Ironically maybe if I hadn't had the epidural the first time I would have known DD's birth was abnormally painful and might have struggled more.Message I guess is - don't be scared, 2nd births are often easier - and you deserve a better time so trust in karma .

'boasts' not boats! Ridiculous woman .

Thanks! My DS was back to back too...diagnosed when I went into labour.
It was bloody painful but how much was due to that...and how much was just childbirth...I don't know.

I think I was doing ok pushing and then i suddenly got scared and baby's head retracted, pushing wasn't then effective...I was tired/emotional/frightened it would never end etc....didn't relate well to midwife so felt a bit unsupported by her cold, clinical style...I think personality may have played a significant role actually...I needed more gentle mothering by then...

F.x

This is a bit random but might help - I had a spinal with DS 2 weeks ago as they were going to section me but on a last check in theatre DS had turned and my cervix had fully dilated so i had a forceps instead but obviously could not feel a thing due to the spinal so when they were telling me to push i had no idea if i was actually pushing i just imagined that i was like when you see people on soaps like that all dramatic, when it was all over Dr asked me if it was my second baby (he is my first) because i pushed really well for a first timer who had no feeling

I think the reason i pushed so well is because i couldn't feel it i had to put a lot of concentration into how to push really visualise what i should be doing. It might not work when you can feel the pain tho.

Would a doula be an option for you? Unfortunately you can't guarantee the midwife you'll get, but if you have a doula you can guarantee the kind of support that will best suit you?

FWIW, I had to have forceps with DD1 because couldn't push with an epidural, but DD2 shot out like a speeding bullet (upright in pool for that one).

I promise you second time round you know what you are doing far more!

I didn't have complications which you had, but with my first labour i sort of refused to push because i was soooo scared of the pain. I went to sleep on the gas and air, and kept telling the midwife i wasn't having a contraction even though i was because i didnt' want to push anymore. I remember her telling me off, saying i know you're having one, you've got to push. I pushed for an hour and dd came out with a cone head.

Second, third and fourth time have been sooo much simpler, because when i felt that pain, i intinctively knew to push to make the pain stop, one or two pushes and each were out!

You really will be fine - and btw i don't like your thread title - you did your best and you got a beautiful child out! don't be so hard onyourself.

Just re read your post - dont' worry about the personality of midwife, because you'll be the expert this time

If your baby was malpositioned, it would have been very hard to push "effectively".

Someone once said here pushing is really letting your uterus do what it needs to do, it's not very voluntary, it's like pooing. It's not a skill as such.. you are taking too much responsibility on for yourself.