Realising my birth plan ideas are all about avoiding things I don't want - is this the wrong way round?

[ardenbird]

So I've been making notes about my birth plan ideas. I realised last night that they were all about avoiding things that worry me, as opposed to thinking of the way I'd like things to go.

For example, I have SPD, so I know there are birth positions I'd like to avoid, and also to avoid an epidural if possible because of the required position, lack of pain-signal feedback, and (I've heard, is it true?) greater chance of forceps/ventouse which I've heard isn't good for SPD either. Then I want to avoid opiate shots, which after speaking with the consultant about my past experience and my recent reaction to codeine, we've agreed would be a very bad idea for labour. I'm also wishing for a physiological third stage for fear of reacting badly to that shot, too. Really the only positive thing in there is that I'd like to use water for pain relief, as my options are so limited with avoiding all the things I'm scared of.

Am I going about this the wrong way round? Should I be thinking more positively and envisioning a scenario? But the thing is, I just keep thinking that as long as I can avoid things I know will be bad for me, I really don't care that much...

My birthplan was all negative too

But I am terrified and phobic of childbirth and needles and can react terribly (possibly hysterically) if unprepared for anything or out of control.

To try and lighten the
Mood I have put in a nice little letter for any mw that says thank you.

I have also tried to inject a little humour by asking a midwife to elbow DH in the ribs as I would like tears after all this

Have you looked at hypno birthign at all? Get the book - by Marie Mongan - it explains how to write your birth preferences in a postive way. it's really, really helpful.

I think it is really important to write and think positively - what you think is what you get - and placing all your mental energy on what you want to avoid is not going to help you approach the birth calmly.

Lots and lots of women hope to labour without epidural, you don't need to over explain that to the medical team. Rather than focusing too much on this, simply write - I would like to give birth without drugs if possible. Then say 'I would like to use water if I can' etc etc.

You can't control exactly what will happen - but you can enter with a positive feeling about what you DO want to see happen.

Draw up a different list - describing your ideal birth. Then practice going through that in your mind, often in the run up to the birth, seeing it happen and feeling positive about it. Then accept that you will cope with however your birth turns out, knowing you approached it in the best spirit possible.