Anyone not remember stretches of time AFTER delivery?

[working9while5]

Was chatting to dh about our ds's birth as we are due again in June and I am struggling with feelings of anxiety that I can't really rationalise.

Anyway, it emerged from the discussion that I "lost" a bit of time after the birth.. actually a LOT of time.

I remember ds being held up (he had a low-ish Apgar of 6 and was very limp and blue), taken away and eventually I remember him coming back. I remember him being placed on a trolley beside me and feeling very anxious that no one had shown me his face. This was 2-3am. The next memory I have, I've now worked out, is the middle of the FOLLOWING night. I have very clear memories of not being able to feed ds while he screamed and of a midwife being absolutely horrendous to me and other women on the ward, to the extent that what I remember is sobbing over my son apologising over and over to him for having "failed" him because I couldn't feed him.

To give you an idea of the midwife's failings, she told me that I needed to pick up dropped wipes from the floor as she "wasn't my slave" (I had full spinal and was catheterised so couldn't move) and also laughed at me when I said it hurt and said "of course it hurts, you silly girl, you shouldn't have bothered being a mum if you couldn't cope with a bit of breastfeeding pain". I remember her saying these things to other women in the ward too. The whole postnatal experience was a shambles. Ds wouldn't feed at all and was increasingly more and more distressed, and we had to literally beg to have anyone come near us. My memory is of him just SCREAMING constantly and really struggling to get him to latch on. I also had very limited pain relief for most of it, and having had a Kielland's forceps delivery, was in quite a bit of discomfort from the stitches that meant picking the baby up was difficult, as was sitting to feed.

I self-discharged before the third night against recommendations and told the matron that I couldn't have another night like I'd had the previous night. I then had weeks of terrible trouble with bfing which all make sense really in this context.

Dh told me this weekend - and I was TOTALLY shocked by this - that he was with me for nearly 4 hours after the birth and we had skin to skin etc. I haven't even the vaguest memory of any of it. I don't remember any of the next day (dh talked me through the first nappy changed etc and a phonecall from my mum, and a delivery of a balloon - not even a WHISPER of a recollection). I had literally knocked all of this out of my mind, and thought that my bad experiences on the postnatal ward were directly after the birth more or less. Apparently not...

I find this really quite weird. Is it some side effects of the drugs in birth, (had full spinal block for trial of forceps) or the difene/cocodamol, or the tiredness, or all three? Is it a hormonal thing, or is it that my postnatal ward experiences have literally overshadowed all of my little boy's birth? .

I feel really stupid about all of it. It seems like such a small thing to have been so traumatised about - I've had many traumas in my life and I thought I was made of sterner stuff. Anyone experience anything similar?

Hi working9while5,

Wow - what a nightmare that midwife was! If it'd make you feel better I'd complain about her. That's totally unacceptable. On the other hand, that's something most people would probably CHOOSE to forget - how frustrating that that's the part you remember!

I'm just a guy - but I'd say what you've experienced is quite normal. There are so many emotions, hormones, drugs and adrenalin swirling around at childbirth time seems to expand and contract, seemingly at random... and that's just from a Dad's point of view.

I was at the birth of all three of my kids and there are bits I can't put in the right order and pieces I forget, remember, mix-up and get wrong all the time. And I didn't have so much as a whiff of gas and air (well, maybe a quick go whilst the midwife wasn't looking)!

It seems such an important and monumental occasion in your life you feel like you 'should' remember every detail - else you're not a caring Mum. Those feelings are probably not helped by the trouble you've had breastfeeding (again, extremely common). Clearly these feelings, whilst understandable, are balderdash.

Given the experience you had, drugs you required etc. I'd say you've done remarkably well to remember any of it. There may be an element of post-traumatic stress which is obstructing your memories coming back too. There'll come back in time.

Lean on your husband. If he was there, ask him to help you fill in the blanks (sounds like you're already doing this). Make sure he understands you want to remember so it doesn't become a mocking exercise of "What?! You don't remember that?!" - more a "And what happened next?" You may find you remember more than you think, especially when prompted.

To summarise: you're not stupid; you're not a bad mother; and you're totally normal. And yes, that midwife was a right... wotsit.

I didn't lose that much time, but I did lose chunks after DD1 was born (forceps, horrid). I couldn't recall most of the two hours between birth until I was moved to the ward. I think it's pretty common when you've had an exhausting and traumatic time.

Sorry to hear what you went through. You could still complain if you felt up to it?

I was treated terribly postnatally and what I do remember I remember in flashbacks. I don't remember dd being born apart from a few flashes of things. I know when dh came to visit the next day I was dressed in my nightie, but I'd had an emcs wearing a hospital gown. No idea at all how or when I got changed or who did it. I know people visited at certain points because dh told me later. I don't remember it. DH says I showered while he watched dd. Again, no memory of it. DD born late at night. Can't remember much up to the next lunchtime.

I'd had a spinal and diamorphine so I think this contributed a little bit and I lost a lot of blood and was v anaemic. But I was traumatised and I've blocked a lot of it out I think.

I was given a cloth and told to wipe the floor where I dripped blood (12hrs post emcs). I remember that vividly.

Experience second time round was perfect. I remember it all. With a smile.

MIL btw had a very positive and straightforward delivery with bil and remembers v little of the next 12 hours. She said it's just a bit of a blank with the odd vivid moment here and there. I was reassured to know that it wasn't just the trauma. DH also doesn't remember bits of the dc's births. Birth's a bit timey wimey.

I had diamorphine at dc1s straightforward birth and I really don't have a clear memory of much until the next morning. I have what I can only describe as 'snapshots' of memory but nothing clear. For that reason, I avoided diamorphine with Dc2s birth and I can remember a lot more detail about everything (and a bit too much detail of my stitches!).

I've never thought about this before but now you come to mention it... yep.

Another forceps birth/spinal/catheter and general crappy experience here. We were in for 4 or 5 days (I remember which day I came out - Thursday - but while I obviously remember DS's birth date, I'm not actually sure what day that was). I remember the struggle to feed (tongue-tie, didn't know that til later), the room which was hotter than the sun, and a few particularly worrying or miserable episodes. Oh and thinking that it was like a scene from 28 Days Later when we all hobbled across to breakfast.

But the breakfast thing reminds me that I have no other recollection of eating or how it was organised, or who came to visit, my memory is VERY sketchy. I suppose it's not surprising really, hormones/shock/tunnel vision on DS and being desperate to get home.

And actually, if I think back to the holiday we went on shortly before DS was born, again I only really remember snapshots - I couldn't give you an daily itinerary or anything - so maybe I just have a crap memory generally!!

I had a planned section under GA followed by a lot of morphine. I have no memories of DS's first 24 hours and only hazy memories of the next 24 hours - despite the fact that I was 'awake'. I think the morphine altered my consciousness.

I am sad that I don't remember the moment that I met him, or our first cuddles. I do sometimes struggle to believe that I gave birth to my lovely crazy boy (well I guess I didn't really as I didn't do any labouring), thank goodness he looks so like me . When I see photos of DP holding him skin to skin because I was out of it with tears of joy running down his cheeks and I feel sad.

I also feel guilty that for part of the time I was given a morphine pump to use myself, I wish I hadn't used it so that I could remember more- but I wasn't thinking straight.

The midwife who was present at DS' birth did come to see me to talk me through it but I can't even remember much of what she bloody said!!

He is 4 now and I feel sad when I think about his birth. However, I have so many wonderful memories to make up for the lost ones and we are both lucky to be alive. I think a lot of mothers don't have the birth experience that they hoped for and I have tried to move onwards and upwards.

I am not suggesting for one moment that you need to move on- just saying that for me, the sadness has lessened over time.

I don't think I hoped for any particular birth experience, but I am sad that I don't remember those first hours. I wonder what it was like. I also feel bad that I suspect I actually slept a lot of the second day and that ds did too after the shock of the forceps, and that this set us up for breastfeeding woes which dominated the next 4-6 months. I want to avoid that this time!

I have this too. I had an emcs and lost a lot of blood. Then a stay in ic and then got moved to the ward where i got no support.
Its lucky I have an older nephew cause they didn't show me how to do a nappy, wash him and even took him away the first night without telling me to give him a cup feed even though i was breastfeeding.

I remember all those yet i can't remember the birth and the timeline is all muddled.

I had a spinal too so wonder if it was that.

OP I hope you have a much better experience this time, sometimes midwives can be bloody awful, just keep your DH on hand to deal with them.

I had a fairly straightforward birth (if you dont count the PE/rapid delivery) and I cant remember a lot either, my DH has told me I did skin-to-skin, phoned DM and had a shower which I was as I dont remember any of that, nor do I remember being moved to the postnatal ward. I feel a bit sad that I dont remember it all but then again its a very intense stressful situation and I think has a lot to do with the drugs/hormones.

DS doesn't seem bothered that I dont remember his first hours, just enjoy your snuggly time with your new DC.

I have massive missing chunks of time from DS's birth. I laboured for a long time and ended up going to theatre for a spinal, forceps then an emcs.

I don't remember anyone saying he was a boy or even seeing him first born. My first recollection is of him already wrapped up. I know I was then taken to recovery but I don't recall how I got there!

I'm expecting again and will have an elective section so am hoping for that 'it's's a boy/girl!' moment this time round!