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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Birth Reflections, anyone done this?

8 replies

ayearoverdue · 31/01/2012 12:24

I had my baby 4 weeks ago this Thursday, I was induced, had forceps and finally EMCS. I know quiet a bit about the birth and the complications but I'm considering asking for a birth reflections appointment. I've made assumptions about the possible success of my next labour (if I'm lucky enough to get there) and think it'd probably be a good idea to find out what actually happened to me.

Has anyone had one of these appointments? If so what did they discuss with you, did they go through your notes, was it worthwhile?

I do have mixed feelings about the birth so am wondering if this may also help sort my feelings out.

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Meglet · 31/01/2012 14:53

Mine was very helpful as I'd had an EMCS. A different midwife went through my notes just after DS turned 1. It clarified a few things that I couldn't quite remember. She also agreed that my post-natal care had been very poor, it was like a weight off my shoulders.

cravingcake · 31/01/2012 15:31

I had a birth discussion appointment with a midwife 12 weeks after my DS was born (he's now 14 weeks) and we went through all my notes. I had a traumtic birth with forceps and a 4th degree tear.

I found it very helpful to piece together the timeline of what happened and when but for me it hasnt answered a couple of why questions (like why they let my epidural run out and not top it up so I felt everything). The midwife that went through my notes just had the facts that were in front of her, she wasnt one of the many that were present during the birth but I would recommend doing it. I had diamorphine, epidural and gas & air combined with a lengthy labour meant a lot of it was fuzzy so it just helped me to go through it with a clear head.

I was told that I could still contact the hospital and discuss it with a consultant if I feel I still need questions answered. For now I'm just enjoying my little boy and if in a few months it still feels as raw and emotional as it does at the moment then I will probably do that.

Poledra · 31/01/2012 15:50

I did after DD1's birth (14-hour labour, started as water birth, ended as em c-s under GA) and it was hugely helpful. The MW who did it with me was one who had not been involved in my care at all - this is the way the hospital did it, so that she was an impartial observer, as much as possible. She'd pulled my notes before the appointment and read them through, then brought them with her and we went through them almost line by line.

I felt dreadful about the birth, like I'd failed. We actually had to stop the first sppointment, as I was crying so hard. The MW suggested another appt and asked me to bring DH, as she thought (correctly!) that some my problems were that I felt I'd failed DH and DD, in not managing this calm, serene water birth I'd had planned. She also offered to get the anaesthetist who'd dealt with my failed epidural and subsequent GA to come along too. In the event, I didn't need that but it was hugely helpful to get DH along, and have someone else telling him that I couldn't just 'get over it' and that he needed to support me (DH was one of those who thought 'You' re fine, the baby's fine, can we just forget about the birth now please?')

It (the Birth Reflections thing) was probably the best thing I could have done - the MW discussed everything that had happened, made sure I was clear on what had gone on (I, like you, was a bit fuzzy on some bits) and made me feel like it as OK to feel like I did but also that I could 'forgive' myself, IYSWIM. I really thought that, if I'd tried hard enough or had stuck it out a bit longer, it could have been fine. I always remember her saying to me 'They don't give GAs for nothing, they really believed that was the best thing for you and your baby.' which absolved a lot of my guilt about not being 'there' when DD1 was born.

Wow, that turned into a bit of an essay - I'm a bit evangelical about this sort of thing as it was so useful for me. I hope it's as good an experience for you.

TheGrandOldDuke · 31/01/2012 19:32

I'm going at the end of Feb, I'm hoping it'll be cathartic...

PeppaPigandGeorge · 01/02/2012 23:07

I did this and was very surprised that they took an independent view; I presumed they would defend everything the hospital did.

I found it helped sort of a timeline as I too was very fuzzy.

It didn't resolve everything - but it couldn't, because I did receive sub-standard care, and talking it through etc couldn't change that. However it did allow me to focus on the crux of the problem with my care, rather than just being generally angry, and I could therefore process it and move on.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 01/02/2012 23:09

the friens that I know who have done it have found it extremely useful.

One was told baby was too big and she needed emcs infact it was shoulder disocia (sp?!?)

ladypie · 02/02/2012 10:00

I recently had my birth afterthoughts appointment. I am 37 weeks pregnant with my second. My first birth was 4 years ago and I still had not got over it. I didn't understand a lot of what went on and felt my care was awful , but wasn't sure if this was just the sort of treatment everyone got and I was being overly sensitive.
Finally spoke to. Someone about it, went through my notes. It was great!
It felt so go good to know that it wasn't me, it was awful treatment, and a very difficult labour, and to get an apology too. I was having panic attacks, not sleeping etc, worrying about this birth, it has calmed me down a lot, and I now have a lot of support from the midwifes.
They have made sure all other midwifes are aware of my situation too, so that whoever I get on the day, I have someone who understands what happened last time and my worries.

ayearoverdue · 02/02/2012 10:20

Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

TheGrandOldDuke please come back and tell me if you find your appointment useful, best of luck

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