Natural birth - another impossible ideal for women to try to live up to?

[Bibbo]

DH thinks the natural birth movement is another way of making women feel shit about themselves for not living up to the ideal of a fabulous, fulfilling, even painless birth. However I believe the hype and really want one for DC2! DH says I am setting unreasonable expectations... am I setting myself up for more disappointment and a feeling of failure?

I wanted a natural birth for DC1 but it was not to be. I was really disappointed that it ended in em c/s and, looking back, I wonder whether the outcome might have been different if I'd had different care.

The midwives were well meaning but they pressurised me to have pethidine, which knackered me out, and when my contractions slowed down they stuck me on oxytocin pretty early on. I was inexperienced and just went with whatever they suggested. Then when my progression slowed the consultants scared the absolute shit out of me, shouting at me and cranking the drip up really high until it was just pure agony. However I got quite far with the pushing, enough that DD's hair was visible - but then her heartbeat showed she was distressed (not surprising with the drip cranked up that high!) and I got whisked in for an em c/s.

So, this time I am determined to be more assertive about what I want and am doing hypnobirthing etc. However I can't shake the feeling that I might have to fend off midwives and consultants who want to intervene at the slightest sign of things not going swimmingly. For this reason I'm tempted to have a homebirth - but DH is dead against it.

I should mention that I have a bicornuate uterus, which apparently may mean I am less likely to be able to push a baby out. But when I think how far I got with DC1, surely it can't be that much of a problem?

Anyway, am interested in people's views. Is it really an impossible ideal? or should I tell DH to shut the fuck up and be a bit more supportive about my choice?

I think your DH is wrong. I think what makes women feel shit about birth is lack of control, lack of information and lack of informed support.

Exactly. One woman could be over the moon with her CS, different woman - same circumstance - in pieces because she didn't want it, wasn't supported to make an informed decision, wasn't informed that there could be complications to her, the baby and future pg/birth. Etc.

I think the birth statistics in this country would be very different with One Woman - One Midwife: one MW you see at every AN appointment, who comes to you during labour and then stays with you or takes you to your place of birth, stays throughout your labour and comes to you for PN appointments afterwards.

Imagine how that would reduce the rates of interventions, instrumental birth and CS, and increase the BF rates if that was what the woman wanted. It would certainly reduce the amounts of unhappy, unsupported women.

Oh, and it might be cheaper for the NHS too.

^^

Oh and personally - DH agreed to every intervention on my behalf during DC1's labour.

When I told him I was pregnant with DC4, he said "Oh Oh Have you booked yet? "

"No - but the proportion of women giving birth later in life, esp for first babies, has increased a lot in that time - and we are less physically fit and more obese than 20 years ago."

Fruitybread - you're right, c/s rates will continue to go up as mothers become fatter and older.

But the simple fact that choosing to give birth in a CLU appears to DOUBLE a healthy woman's chance of having a c/s, shows that it is about vastly more than this.

Hi, seriously think about some support from a doula/friend in labour, DH always goes to pieces when I'm in labour and 4th time around (following absolute vicious birthrape with no. 3) he absolutely promised to support me. He didn't, he fell apart, didn't speak to me the whole time, just kept asking the HCP's how I was doing, wouldn't do anything when I was pinned down on my back with feet in stirrups against my will (not due to any medical problem just 'standard CLU procedure'-most women find it incredibly comfortable I was told). He wouldn't even help me when I refused gas and air despite the HCPs screaming at me to take it, when I wouldn't take it they shoved the nozzle in my mouth and held it there! Told him I wasn't coping with the pain although actually the distress was due to not being allowed up and the utter harrassment. Anyway 6 months on I'm still finding it incredibly hard to forget and forgive. Please don't end up in this situation with your dh. BTW my preferences for active birth and being allowed control over pain relief were written large on my birthplan, the staff completely ignored them.

Bloody hell folk and

Any chance you could reveal which hospital you were treated like this in?

Are you in the UK?

Sorry I haven't read the previous posts, but don't think there's anything wrong with striving for what you want, and if that's a natural birth, then go for it. The thing is that sometimes it does go pear shaped as you know, and when its your first, you DO often get 'bullied' into a situation you don't want - from the professionals point of view this is the 'best' option, whether its your choice or not.

I think I was very lucky (if you can call it that) with my children. DS1 - bit of a nightmare as undiagnosed breech. V. short labour. I had gas and air (but would have happily had more drugs given the option) The staff did give us the option as to whether to continue or to go CS. We continued naturally. We nearly lost him, but we didn't.

DH was very concerned after the trauma we went through the first time, and his natural instinct was to 'poopoo' the idea of a home birth for #2. I did agree with him on that because I was petrified after what happened the first time, but had I not agreed, I would like to think that he would have supported me in spite of his fears, and that we would have been given all the information and support we needed by the professionals to go ahead and do that.

DS2 - again quick labour but without complications (well, if you discount the blood thinner I'd had 4 hours earlier to dislodge a suspected blood clot) and again I had gas an air. It wasnt a 'fabulous, fulfilling, or painless birth' - I dont think I would have 'felt' any different had he been removed via my belly but thats just me - however I dont feel sh*t about wanting drugs and I dont feel like anyones pressuring me to feel that way. If I want drugs I'll have them (except apparently I can't because my labours are too quick - bah!)

Chesterfield birth centre at the local hospital here, it's a pit, the control freaks here sure do love their interventions! My point was that since OP has 2 high risk labels and her dh is lukewarm maybe a bit more support might not go amiss. Hope it all goes well for you Bibbo, remember that home birth is statistically much safer than hospital and the best hospitals take at least 20 mins to ready a theatre, usually more like 30 or even 40, so you'd have to be a long way from hospital for there to be any time delay in getting you to theatre in a true emergency.

I don't even know what "natural birth" means. I had a waterbirth, and we don't live in water, so you could argue tha's not "natural".... Some people use herbs, aromatherapy and homeopathy.... that's an intervention isn/t it?? Some people are induced and have no pain meds - is THAT natural?! So Pfffft! to "natural birth"!!!

What counts is that the mum feels supported and listened to every step of the way, whether she wants to try for a birth with minimal medical interventions or whether she is choosing a section! And THAT is not an "impossible ideal", it is BASIC CARE that is sadly lacking at the moment!!!

I'd say get yourself a doula, someone who is on board with your wishes and will work with you and encourage you to MAKE THEM HAPPEN!! But then, of curse I would because I am one and I am very passionate about helping women achieve the births they want!