My baby was born 1 week ago and no immediate love very worried

[Moomin1000]

hi I had my baby a week ago via forceps delivery! Since then I have had a slow recovery as I required a epistomy, 4th degree internal tear, a nice collection if piles and I lost a litre of blood! I feel utterly exhausted and un pain!!!
I'm worried u did not immediately fall in love with her and although I care about her now I havnt got this lioness love all my friends say they had! Why is this? I've wanted a baby for so long and it feels so strange please advice me

Just wanted to add my voice as another one who didn't bond immediately. I felt an obligation to take care of DD but that was all. Everybody kept talking about the rush of love but I didn't get that.
She was I think about three months old, sleeping in my arms, when I looked down at her and realised I loved her.

She is now 20 months old and I worship the ground she walks on, even if she is a little minx at times.

I had a text book c section. Things couldn't have gone easier for me. Beautiful little baby boy but no huge rush of love. An overwhelming sense of obligation, responsibility and protectiveness - but not love. that came much later on. Much much later on. He's now 2 and i ADORE him and ADORE being his mum. But even a year ago i wouldn't have necessarily been able to say that. As someone mentioned earlier - now is about survival!!! I felt so awful for not feeling that special bond, but i guess it's like adult love - sometimes it's immediate and other times it's friendship that turns to love. Am 41+0 today and this time i have promised myself i am just going to enjoy being with my new baby rather than worrying how much i love it. Have a speedy recovery - you have been through the most incredible life changing experience..take good care of yourself.xxx

Please don't worry about being immediately loved up with your baby.

At the moment the best thing you can do for your new baby is get yourself healed up and recovered from the birth, physically and emotionally.

My first baby was a huge shock to the system and I was fraught thinking I'd made a huge mistake etc.

I don't know exactly when it got better but I know that my first baby rolled over in the cot and smiled at me one morning at about 2 months old I felt a definate rush of love.

In fact I didn't feel a rush of love post birth with any of my babies, it sort of crept up on me gradually over the subsequant months.

Don't get me wrong I'm not a "hard" person, I cry at the drop of a hat re sick animals and all sorts of sad stuff on the radio/TV and I adore my children now, would do anything for them but I guess for some parents love grows with the baby.

So long as your baby is safe and cared for, you are fulfilling their immediate needs, just remember to take care of your needs too until you are 100% again.

I tried so hard to have a baby and had a horribly traumatic pregnancy and not a great birth. I cared for my baby but I didn't feel that overwhelming feeling of love that some of my friends did.

It grew though and I love him more and more (and more) every day. He is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me and I feel so blessed :)

Congratulations and hang on in there. It will come x

It took me a while with all of mine - maybe 2-4 months. It'll come don't worry.

I remember with DD1 for the first couple of weeks it just felt sort of strange - i.e. why do I have this baby? how can it be mine? what am I doing? why on earth did I ever think i was responsible enough to have someone else's life entirely dependent on me? I went through the motions and would never have let any harm come to her but felt oddly detatched... and then without even realising it the love was there. I can't even remember when it snuck up on me - a couple of weeks I think. With DD2 I found it impossible to imagine I could ever love another baby like I loved DD1. When DD2 was born I thought she was sweet, but that was about it - a terribly easy baby so she didn't get much attention really as fed and slept and never cried, just toted along with whatever the toddler was doing and then suddenly after a few weeks the overwhelming love was indeed there without me realising when it had arrived. Same pattern 3rd time too.

Try not to think about it or over analyse it too much. Love is a slippery sort of thing and if you try and stare at it in the bright lights of over analysis it is hard to quantify. If you just muddle along and get on with doing the best you can one day you will realise that the love is there.

Same as most others have said! I gave birth 10 weeks ago to my gorgeous baby girl. It was a really really long labour and my birth plan went straight out of the window as I needed medical intervention, I was really hopeing I would get that rush of instant love when they put her on my chest, but I felt nothing but releif that it was over and went straight to sleep, I literally felt no connection with her for prob over a week, and then I was so overwhelmed with worry that I would accidently hurt/break her I didnt want to even pick her up, I really had to work on bonding with her to build up the love I thought I should have just had in me for her. I found that breastfeeding really helped me bond with her, aswell as dh leaving us alone togeather for a week soon after (for work) now tho, I couldnt imagine my life without her now, she is honestly my whole world! It will come, you might just have to work at it for a bit longer, but alot of people do so no worrries :) xx

You've probably got the idea that it's not unusual to feel this way....lots of people (me included) feel like this at first, your first birth and first baby turns your world upside down....it's NOT like they lead you to believe in parenting mags. They portray an image of a happy, well rested mum, make-up and hair done, smiling at her happy, smiling, contented baby.....whereas in truth, you're knackered, sore, need a bath and everytime you try to sit/eat/sleep/wash your baby wakes up!! Don't worry yourself, it will come, I remember feeling exactly the same and feeling like I was the worst mum ever because I just didn't love her. I never told anyone because I was scared someone would take her away! I realise now that that was ridiculous and I should've said something to the hv.

Took me a few months with both of mine. It does come. Just can take some time. So many people are the same, don't worry.

Wait until you get the first smile! I felt exactly the same as you but fell completely in love when she started smiling

As you would have gathered your not alone. took time to love ds1, it did come. just give it time. ds2 i fell in love instantly, i think the first time was just such a shock for me. remember sitting on the stairs crying thinking I'd ruined my life.

You're not alone! My baby is 14 months old now and I have never felt the rush of love everyone talks about :( tbh I didn't know I was supposed to feel it at the time. It doesn't mean you're less of a mother though. I like her a lot and look after her well, I would defend and protect her against anything.

I had an emcs and think that was probably a factor..

I didn't have the instant feeling of love either. The birth went well, but I still felt shocked that I actually made a person.

I didnt feel it either. I think its normal

I hadnt even thought about the love thing, I was so shocked by the whole child thing!

About 2 or 3 wks in, after DD went to bed or nap, I'd sit on sofa, glance down at her playmat thingy and get overwhelmed by squirty insideness, just like falling in love with a man! It was an amazing feeling. TBH, I didnt feel it with her for ages, not until I'd got over the whole shock of being a parent.

Enjoy every second of your bundle and take care
xx GBL.

Zeuxippe - hang in there.... I have felt the biggest rushes now my DD is nearly 3 and is older enough to spontaneously kiss, cuddle and hug me. Those things make huge difference. The best thing is when, she realises there is only one biscuit left for her, she breaks a bit off for me... gets me everytime

Ah, thank you GBL. It would be lovely to feel like that

It's reassuring to find this thread and see that I'm not the only one!!

Had a 'normal' vaginal delivery with DS1 (still horrible, IMO) but ended up with a 3a tear since he decided to emerge with an arm over his head like Superman.

We did all the stuff you're meant to do immediately post-birth - skin to skin, attempt to breastfeed, gaze into eyes - but to be honest I was knackered and still in a fair bit of pain since midwives kept coming in to inspect my tear. I was certainly interested in the little guy, but was quite happy to be carted off to surgery - no qualms at all. In fact I asked the midwives "Who's going to keep an eye on..." and they said "Oh, your baby will be FINE with us, don't worry." I then had to tell them that I was actually worried about my handbag - had just assumed baby would be looked after!! They looked at me a bit funny

Anyway, 7 months on and I haven't felt a rush of love at all, but have been getting gradually more and more interested in him as he develops into this quite fun little person that I can play and interact with. I did find it quite hard work until about 6 weeks, then he smiled at me. Somehow it really helped to receive a signal that there was a little person in there, not just a screaming bundle of needs! Put it this way: I would be distraught if someone stole him from me, ergo I must love him a bit :) I never mentioned my worries to the health visitors or midwives by the way, because I was worried they'd over-react (as they do). I did talk to my husband and family about it in tedious detail though, which was probably a good idea in terms of not bottling it all up.

I'm expecting #2 next July, so we'll see if it happens the same way again! TBH I'm not too worried about whether it does or doesn't. My son seems like a happy healthy little boy, so presumably he hasn't noticed that I have strayed from the motherhood guidebook! Good luck with your new little one and DON'T WORRY - every day you get more used to this new life and more able to deal with it (even if it doesn't feel like that at the time)!!

Another one here who just felt shell shocked at first. It was a normal birth, but it was like the concept of my baby was too much for me to get my head around.

As someone said, you love them more and more each day. I've heard it takes weeks, months, even years sometimes but we get there. I think the love is so big, so overwhelming that it sometimes takes a long time to develop enough space in your heart to live in.

It took me over six months. I felt fiercely protective, but it wasn't until my baby started interacting with me, smiling at me, holding my hands, playing with my hair and things like that that I really felt strong powerful love.

Please don't worry. It's so common.

here is a suggestion:

Do a re birth. Take your baby into a nice warm bath and lay her between your legs, so she is calm. Then bring her up to your chest area, and lay, feed and bond for a while! Its great for your hormones!