Is it just me or does anyone else HATE the vaginal examinations during labour?

[MentalMuslimMummy]

Hi mumsnetters, Ive just joined :D

was laughing about what you all had to say on the 'How to be a good mother' documentary. v amusing I must say ;)

Ok so i really want another baby.....BUT the thought of having a VE scares the shite out of me. I just detest them beyond belief and feel not only violated but so upset about having to through them again. Ive had two children, 2 natural births alhamdulilah (thanks to God) but jeeez man Im just considering an epidural next time so I cant feel anything when they have to do them. I swear childbirth is a breeze compared to a VE.

what do you think?

I couldn't have cared less, seeing I was lying there with no knickers on, shitting myself. It would have seemed a little late in the day to be saying "Ooh no. VEs are so intrusive." The midwives could have done whatever they liked to my body.

On the other hand, I put off smears for years.

I am a very big fan of VEs as I like to know the progress, and have begged for a second VE during both my labours, in my second they decided that there had to be at least 4-6 hours in-between examinations to void infection, so DH and myself spent the whole time arguing/begging the MW for a second examination (over 3 hours of begging) and I continued to beg right up to the point that the head was coming out. Please pass your unwanted VEs my way.

I find them painful, the intrusive bit is secondary. With me they were constantly trying to stretch me a bit further every time they checked or put in a monitor for my contractions. I think my issue is birth is about things coming out, not going in!

I found them excruciating, it made me have an epidural I didn't really want.

I will be refusing this time unless there is a medical need they can explain. There is no comparison to a smear. A smear is uncomfortable. I have never found anything so uncomfortable in my life as a VE in labour.

PS the intrusive bit is not about prudishness, it's because your body really needs to "do its thing" and the key is to stay in the zone your instincts are putting you in. Mother Nature never expected you'd have a gloved hand shoved up you in labour to check "how far you are along". Again, if they did it because they had a reason e.g. something showed on CFM that was of concern or there was a particular reason they were concerned about slow progress, no bother, fire ahead. Having one just because "it's about time for it" doesn't really wash I think.

I agree with Working, And checking for progress is not that valid a reason either as some women go 3 to 10 in 20 minutes and others 48 hours.

Ina May Gaskin's sphincter law theory explains this all really well.

I agree with working9while5 too.

VEs are generally to check dilation, and mainly to check that you are dilating at 1cm/ph.

This 'ideal' speed of dilation was brought in as a standard because it provides the optimum speed at which to process a woman through a labour suite - they can estimate roughly how long each woman will be in a room, and then if things are not going at that rate, then things can be sped up. If labour goes 'too quickly' then there is a higher risk of PPH or tearing, which again take more time to deal with afterwards.

I am certain that I got this from the AIMS 'Delivering your placenta' book, which I had on loan so cannot check my source.

With dd2 I only had one VE and that was at my request (I wanted to make sure I was actually in labour!)

in all 3 labours I was always asked if I wanted to be checked before any exams.

A good midwife is able to tell roughly how a labour is going without putting their fingers up (there are a fair number of symptoms, although it requires watching the lady quietly and not interfering apart from to positively encourage). The truth is that it is easier for the midwife to guess quickly, and it's still a guess, what stage you are at. You are reasonable and your wishes should be respected if you request no VEs, you may change your mind at the time or later but that is entirely up to you. If another person puts their fingers inside you when you've said no, well then that is just wrong and there is legal procedure to follow if they do not listen. Sometimes, very very rarely, infection can be introduced through this so my advice would be to listen to your instinct at the time.

I wasn't asked before either of the ves I was given, I still get upset thinking about how little choice and control I was given over what they did to me. I'm now 28 weeks with dc2 and already losing sleep worrying about the birth, mainly because of what happened last time. I am going to write something similar to what loopymumsy said at the top of my birth plan and staple it to my notes this time

The MWs were bored monitoring me closely during DD2's labour. One of them even 'gave things a swish around to speed things up' without my permission. The only person coming near my cervix during my next labour (if I have one) is the baby.

I only had 2, one when I first got to hospital and one a couple of hours later to confirm what mw thought about my labour progressing very quickly. They did not hurt and in fact weren't particularly uncomfortable so maybe technique has a lot to do with it!