Is a birth partner important for an ELCS?

[ohsooootired]

I totally buy the reasons to have someone with you if you're going through normal childbirth - but is it so important for an ELCS? - I am thinking that it's going to be a fairly clinical process, and it's not like you'll need someone to run out and yell for help on your behalf?

My problem is that the Dad (with who I've been in a LT relationship with - but which has been fairly dysfunctional since the start of the (planned) pregnancy) has finally announced that although he wants to be a supportive & involved Dad, and go ahead with the 12m rental contract on our new house, but that he only wants to be close friends, rather than in a relationship with me.

So in essence - I've just been dumped - which under any normal circumstances would require a bit of space before attempting any future friendship. Only I'm due to move in with this guy in 1 month and have his baby a couple of weeks later!

He seems to think that all is fine and dandy and ironically is being nicer to me than ever (not sure if he's on his best behaviour, or is feeling 'relieved' to have let go of the 'burden' of being in a relationship)

The whole thing is frankly doing my head in.

On the one hand, like any heavily pregnant woman, I'm feeling very needy, and wanting support - so the fact he's behaving more nicely and lovingly than ever is incredibly tempting. On the other, my head is telling me that I need to start to put distance between us for my own sanity...I was even at my first NCT class yesterday thinking - 'This just doesn't feel right. This guy has just told me he wants to be platonic close friends - in effect housemates.....What on earth am I doing having a platonic male housemate come and hold my hand whilst I go through the bodily mutilation of childbirth?.....Even if he happens to be the father, surely he has given up certain rights by dumping me?'

There's no way I'd contemplate going through normal childbirth alone. But as it happens, it's looking likely I'll have an ELCS for unrelated reasons. And I can't really think of an obvious alternative birthing partner. Is it a big deal to go in on one's own and make him wait outside?

Well, it's up to you who you do or don't have in there. I found it useful having someone in there to talk to and distract me (although the anaesthetist was more chatty than DH, the OB and the midwives are busy with the procedure, but the anaesthetist has to keep an eye on you) and to hold DS on my chest while I was stitched up (too weak and wobbly on the slanty table). It depends on how much you feel you need a familiar face. I also expect that if you were there without a partner, the staff might be more directly supportive.
It's also very useful to have someone around after to change nappies and lift the baby for you, but it sounds like you would be OK with him then, just not in theatre?

I have had 2 ELCS and was nice having DH there to hold my habd and coo over baby However the theatre staff and in particular one anethetist and theatre assistant were absolutely amazing both times doing everthing possibe to laugh joke distract me etc. Plus after 5 mins or so you will have a baby to focus on and the aneathestist will probably take lots of phtos for you if you ask hm/her (remember your camera!) The whole procedure will only take around 45 minutes and then you get wheeled to recovery to snuggle your little bundle. Good luck Im sure if you chose to go it alone you will be fine.

I've had two elcs.

No way would I have someone with me who had just dumped me.

Can you take in a family member or a friend? I won't bore you with the circumstances but I took my Mum in with me the first time and she loved it.

Everyone in the theatre and very nice but I would take a friend or relative in just so you have someone you know to be excited over the new arrival

Oh soooooo tired - don't mean to take sides but what a selfish git. I can't believe he's put you in this position so close to the birth. Must say you're taking it well....though i guess there's no other way you can take it - but jeez.

Anyhow, i really do wish you all the best.

I had a c section 2 years ago with my first. And i have to say the theatre staff were sooooooo unbelievably lovely. it was such a well oiled machine - lots of people buzzing around but really relaxed, joking around, really encouraging and supportive. You have a dedicated midwife in there too so i would imagine if you do decide to go it alone she will be the one to mop your brow and tell you what a fab job you are doing. Usually they are out within 5 minutes of starting the op (i think the spinal and prep is about 15 mins or so) and then you have a beautiful little babba in your arms and time then has no meaning!!

i have to say i was very tearful before i went in so it's nice to have someone then. But i think as he has chosen to be selfish you need to be too. If you want a friendly face - ask him in, if him being there will just make you feel angry - that's the last thing you need. And you don't need to decide until you are in there - as you don't know how you will feel.

But i did find that after the op, the midwives and nurses could not do enough and i think that if you were on your own they would be extra extra attentive.

Good luck :0)