I honestly can't remember how many people...

[namechangerbat]

I'm pg with number 3 and I've been sitting here thinking about my last two labours and my impending scan at EPAU tomorrow.

I honestly cannot remember how many different people gave me VEs in my labour. I remember the obvious sweep and when I got to hospital being examined but during labour with both of my children I recall various randoms having a hand up there.

Makes me feel quite sick actually.

Just wanted to share.

namechangerbat It may change nothing, but it might. Even if you'd reported it 10 minutes after, there'd be no 'proof' as such.

If you complain then she may be asked about the incident and it might well make her think twice before she assaults another woman. Even if she denies it. It may be that others have complained, or someone will complain in the future and previous accusations of the same thing may make it more likely that action would then be taken.

Under other circumstances, doing that to someone would constitute a sexual assault.

It may also be worth considering what you might do if she turns up to attend you during the birth of this baby.

You're not being OTT. Not at all. Because of my fear of a further retained placenta I am planning a homebirth against medical advice (had a PPH last time too) but as a retained placenta is much more likely following intervention then I think the best way to try to avoid it is to stay at home. I'd then also have the ambulance journey to hospital to prepare myself mentally rather than being told I was being taken into theatre for stitching and then having it casually mentioned that they were going to have to get the placenta out, and I would only consent to a GA this time if it happens. That makes me feel even worse - that I would CHOOSE risk a GA in the early hours of my child's life than have a spinal and have that sensation and memory again :(

There are guidelines for examining patients and violating them in their sleep doesn't fall within them. You poor thing.

There is no reason to treat you that way.

I had the world and his wife down there because DD was very distressed. I was ok with it apart from I felt 'invaded' by the paediatrician standing at the end of the bed the whole time I was pushing. I could cope with the ob and midwives but remember thinking surely she could have stood to the side instead of having the bird's eye view?

Personally I think the attitude of the staff counts for a lot. Everyone else was lovely and so polite. She walked in without knocking, camped at the end of the bed without any introduction and the midwife had to explain who she was.

I agree with fruity I would have felt like everyone would have thought I was weird / ungrateful for her help if I had said 'does she need to stand there, it's making me uncomfortable' given I didn't mind the others. To me, they had a reason to stand there at that point and she didn't iyswim?

I feel for you. I had many traumatic exams during labour and was not ever really clear why they were necessary. I ended up shouting for her to stop and shaking from adrenalin afterwards.

Prior to induction (few days before) I had a VE to see if I was at all effaced etc and was given a sweep at the same time without consent. I cried while I was driving home, sat on a pad, bleeding.

I have just read Ina Mays latest book and she says there's an art to a painless VE and I truly couldn't imagine it (though if anyone could, she could).

NameChanger - Poor, poor you. Please complain if you feel up to it. They will have a protocol for dealing with complaints. If nothing else, it will mean that the doctor in question will have to sit down with someone and explain what she did and why. Sitting down and having to explain what you did and listen to the fact that someone is still upset about it many months/years afterwards could be all it take for someone who is thoughtless (rather than thinking they have the right to do what they like) to change their ways. I honestly think medical training seems to sometimes strip people of their compassion - they are so matter of fact that they forget that what they are doing is assault. It doesn't have to result in disciplinary or anything to change things.

I complained after a particularly horrid time at my local EPU when I miscarried and the response, although it took ages, was very clear that they had interviewed all involved and reminded certain staff of appropriate behaviour. Some things felt glossed over, but it was definitely worth doing.

Argh. As a survivor, I am going to have to be ready to assert my right not to be touched by random medical staff without my consent.

I feel adamant that I need to have a home birth this time and I need to be precise in writing to MW team of what I expect.

My MW is also a friend of family. She's very chilled out and I don't feel like I can talk to her about this all

What can I do about DH? I feel totally let down that he didn't protect me when I was at my most vulnerable when he had ensured me he would fight for me.

I'm refusing VEs this time. They became far too much last time - to the point they were more painful than the contractions, they were making me scream & say no, my husband was saying stop and the consultant shouted at him and told him he was being inappropriate. FFS. I think that's why we ended up with an EMCS. They thought it would be "better" rather than give me a decent go at birth even though DD was back to back.

I realise we have to trust these professionals and they only want the best for us & our baby, but... Well..., words fail me now. I've had eighteen months of struggling to switch off enough to be intimate with my husband & I hate hate hate The way it makes me feel. I'm dreading this birth - if I couldn't cope with several peoples hands up my fanny last time how (TF) am I going to cope with a baby squeezing out of it?!?!?!

Oh Bat, poor you.

A couple of little thoughts. Would it be easier for you to write it down, or show your midwife this thread? Would that be easier than saying it all out loud? Are you comfortable having a friend of the family as your midwife and, if not can that be changed - is it easier or harder having someone you know?

Regarding your DH, he was probably overwhelmed, and a bit scared. It is very hard seeing someone you love in so much pain and being unable to help. Would having a doula be a financial option for you at all this time. Then your DH could concentrate on being your emotional support, and the doula's brief could be more around the practicalities and respecting your boundaries. One of the great roles of a doula can be as a buffer between you and the medics. We had one for our homebirth with DD2 and I can't recommend it highly enough. If you happen to be in London, happy to pass on her details.

I too shudder at the idea. I found them excruciatingly painful and for my first one, they couldn't find the cervix and they had literally four people try, joking about needing someone with long fingers etc. Afterwards, my GP SIL had a pop at me for needing G and A for it as though it were a bit pathetic of me. I will also refuse this time around, as much as is possible. They certainly didn't get consent to have a whole troupe examining me but apparently if you say you are happy to have one done, then the world and his mother are entitled to have a pop.

I got the epidural at 5-6cms purely because I was afraid of next VE, I never realised you could say no. Cue the long drawn out second stage and traumatic forceps delivery yada yada. Only realised from MN you could say no...

I had an epidural because of the VEs not the contractions too.

It's better for my mental well being to not read such threads. I actually fume and lose sleep over the callous way women are still treated in hospitals.
OP, please report these people. It is this lack of trust in professionals that compels so many women to have home births or elective cesarians just so that they can feel in control.

The one sentence that aggravates me the most is " When you are having a baby you don't care ". Funnily, I don't know a single woman who didn't care. All of them did care about being spread wide open in a roomful of people. I think it's like being in a burning building while taking a bath. You run out naked to save your life because you don't have a choice but it doesn't mean you don't mind the exposure or that you aren't embarrassed.

OP, I don't think you are OTT. I have never been for a smear test because I have a complete phobia of being touched by medical professionals.

I wish for women to have more control over their bodies and for people to have more consideration for our dignity.

newyearsrev the hilarious thing, I did have a doulla - but after being at home & transferred for "failure to progress" the doulla travelled seperately and got lost, took an hour for her to get to the hospital - she missed the Birth by 7 minutes. Yep, once I got to the hospital dd was born within 45 mins.

It's not OTT - do complain and do say in future births that you will only consent if convinced that they are necessary.

The routine shaves, enemas and episiotomies only stopped because women started complaining and refusing to have them. No doubt at the time the medical staff deemed that they were a vitally important part of giving birth.

Oh God, how awful. A better doula who has done a practice run to the hospital? Did she not protect you at home, or was it only afterwards you realised how upsetting you'd found the VEs?

I am not an expert by any means, but maybe you need someone who is very focused on protecting your environment - and you. Do you feel transferring was the right decision for you or (given what you say about how quickly DD was born) was it something you felt pressurised into? I suppose an independent midwife wouldn't be financially possible?

I only had two ve at home. Both were ok - MW was lovely. Was pressured into transferring. Wasn't given any drugs at all at home even though was labouring for 15 hours & begged for Gas and air which was all there layed out but they said no.